Matt Hill

About me:

"I am crazy for mayonnaise, mayonnaise is as ambrosia to me, the food of gods. Mayonnaise comforts me, causes the vowels to slide more musically along my slow tongue, appeasing my grease-conditioned taste buds while transporting those buds to a plane higher than lard could ever hope to fly. Yellow as summer sunlight, soft as young thighs, smooth as a Baptist preacher's rant, falsely innocent as a magician's handkerchief, mayonnaise will cloak a lettuce leaf, some shreds of cabbage, a few hunks of cold potato in the simplest splendor, restyling their dull character, making them lively and attractive again, granting them the capacity to delight the gullet if not the heart. Fried oysters, leftover roast, peanut butter: rare are the rations that fail to become instantly more scintillating from contact with this inanimate seductress, this goopy glory-monger, this alchemist in a jar. The mystery of mayonnaise - and others beside Travelin' Matt have surely puzzled over this - is how egg yolks, vegetable oil, vinegar (wine's angry brother), salt, sugar (earth's primal grin-energy), lemon juice, water, and, naturally, a pinch of the ol' calcium disodium EDTA could be combined in such a way as to produce a condiment so versatile, satisfying, and outright majestic that mustard, ketchup, and their ilk must bow down before it (though, at two bucks a jar, mayonnaise certainly doesn't put on airs) or else slink away in disgrace. Who but the French could have wrought this gastronomic miracle? Mayonnaise is France's gift to the New World's muddled palate, a boon that combines humanity's ancient instinctive craving for the cellular warmth of pure fat with the modern, romantic fondness for complex flavors: mayo (as the lazy call it) may appear mild and prosaic, but behind its creamy veil it fairly seethes with tangy disposition. Cholesterol aside, it projects the luster that we astro-orphans have identified with well-being ever since we fell from the stars."

"Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature." Tom Robbins

I got caught masturbating but got in trouble because I acted really glad to see my wife. Relieved really. I yelled "HELP! My hand and pee pee are fighting a battle royal will you please go get a hot towel and a chicken burrito! I truly recommend this to anyone who gets caught. And try to get caught more often. Do it in public areas whenever you can.

Gemini solar powered bold brat bit of a hedonist unguarded at ease hippie kind of weirdo. I tell people what I think and it's usually good. I am playful. Have a lot of laughs. Soulful. I am a tough guy. I love all sports and outdoors especially sand volleyball and frisbee golf. I learn something new every day. I always find new friends and want to play. I camp, hunt, and fish. I find people amazing and beautiful in thousands of different ways. I am smart, fasttalking, tall, blond, athletic, and possibly handsome. I have a lot of confidense in who I am and like people to feel comfortable just being with me or telling me anything and everything. I love to talk. I love women and they make me crazy. I am happy. I think everyone is special. I love to make people laugh. I flirt and try to be romantic. I think I listen. I love to read. I forget bad days. I love adventure. I travel a lot. I can be eccentric at times. I am competitive. I am cool. I work too much.