Two Minute Delay
And I had no Orangina.
Now, I can't tell you why the mole people wanted the rights to my blog, but I would guess it has something to do with my friend Effny, who's an MPIE - a mole people in exile. Maybe they didn't want me further publicizing her one mole person show, Sunny Days From Now On?
Or maybe they just didn't want Dark Horse to publish my blog as a part of their upcoming ArchEnemies trade paperback?
Whatever their reasons, I didn't feel comfortable with a swarm of one-eyed creatures from the center of the Earth milling around my apartment and growling at me.
I tried to give them the whole, "Why don't you leave me your card and I'll think it over," like I did with the men in suits from the DHRAD (Dark Horse Rights Acquistion Department), but the mole people weren't taking no for an answer.
They started to get a little physical, knocking things over and grabbing Princess A by the arm. I yelped, while Wormhole Head Luke hunched over and started rummaging through our recycling.
Seemed like a weird thing to do at the time, but the dude has a wormhole for a head. Maybe that makes you more socially conscious.
Anyway, just then my cellphone rang. It was one of the men from DHRAD. He said, "Don't worry, ma'am. We'll be their in two minutes."
So I asked, "Two minutes? Where are you calling from?"
"Two minutes in the future."
Some folks just can't be rushed.
So for two minutes I knew we were on our own. And by this point, the mole people were DEMANDING that I sign away the rights to my blog. They had the contract and the big quill pen and everything.
And I was ready to do it. I really was. But then comes Luke with a bottle of tequilla over his wormhole/head, and he smacks it down over the leader's skull.
In the movies, bottles always break when you hit someone like that, but apparently in real life they just make a loud KLONK sound. And then he hits the mole person that's holding Princess A. And then he hits another mole person who's just standing there. And then he chucks the tequilla bottle through his wormhole of a head, and it hits a mole person on the far side of the room in the back of the head.
And the mole people get the idea. This bottle just won't break. And every time it's that same horrible KLONK sound. Plus, Luke's head totally breaks the laws of physics. So they book.
And by the time two minutes rolls around and the Dark Horse guys show up, I am more than happy to sign their contract.
Look for exclusive excerpts from my blog in the ArchEnemies trade, which should be available in stores and online by the time you're reading this.
And, for the record, Princess A has agreed to "grab a coffee" with Luke, but I don't think she likes him that way...
...which is a shame. Luke's a real stand up guy/mutant, and I could use some romance in my life, however vicarious.