Polynesian recipes for Spam, and large women wrapped in strangling layers of shrink wrap, hung upside down and tickled until they pee.
Music
Chrismas carrols sung at gun-point in the middle of summer by beaten foster care kids. Or, should I put that one into career interests?
Movies
Anything with big, giant, naked titties, explosions and fire, and an occasional indie/art-house film that has exploding naked titties on fire.
Television
The best 3-D targets to take to the shooting range ever invented. TVs blowed' up real good.
Books
Books have stolen my sanity, my innocence, my ability to deal with most people on a common level as equals, have made me educated just enough to be a real know it all pain in the ass which has hampered my ability to garner lasting companionship and true love based upon the mutual respect of two dummies plodding through life unknowingly- flinching at life's trials and tribulations while pulling out each other's hair and screaming to the sky at a cruel and uncarring God, but I think I'll give them another try.
Heroes
People who have managed to work the system and not work as much.
Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde (from Ohio ) said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Booboo," and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde (from Indiana ) said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts.”
St. Peter said, "Booboo," and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde (from Kentucky ) said she knew what Easter was and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder.
St. Peter said, "Verrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder, and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball. "
