About me: I hail from Chicago, I was an urchin daughter of a political activist who counted amongst her closest friends the notorious Chicago Seven and an attorney who, in a display of spectacularly poor timing, chose to specialize in environmental law during the Regan administration. It goes without saying that I was born on the proverbial wrong side of the tracks and spent much of my youth being admonished by the other neighborhood children for being the only child on my block who was not of color. I held my head high, despite being blonde, as I carried within my already blossoming bosom a secret hope. I wanted more than the protesting, vegetarian, political fundraising lifestyle my parents offered; I longed for glamour, popularity, designer jeans and to shave my legs . . . I wanted to be a cheerleader.
Over the protests of my liberal parents who viewed Barbie, my girlhood icon, as a tool of the establishment, and pom-pons as the road to ruin, I quickly achieved my goal of becoming a cheerleader. This glory sufficed for a time. The skirts, the hair, the boys were all great, but I realized even then that there was more to life than awesome cheers and perfect lip gloss. The heady stench of power and fame beckoned to me, so I packed up my Pinto and headed west to Los Angeles with dreams of becoming a force to be reckoned with. My perfect hair and expertise in high-school social domination, I figured Hollywood would be a cinch. Breathlessly anticipating my success, I found instead that my hard fought journey won myself a position as, natch, a production assistant.
Not to be deterred by the challenges of starting at the bottom, I forged ahead, drawing on the lessons I’d had learned as a cheerleader – work hard, be a team player, and always land on your feet with a smile. Soon, I found myself producing award winning commercials and music videos for artists such as Madonna, Brittney Spears,
R. Kelley, Nelly, Justin Timberlake, Usher and Celine Dione, garnering several nominations for the coveted MTV Music Video of the Year Award.
Producing conquered, I turned my talents to writing.
More later…
I have come to the disturbing conclusion that our beloved Uncle Sam is a pervert. Here he is telling Columbia (who seems to be decked out in a kimono)"Hey baby, mine is just as big, and twice as dangerous." And look at this! What is he doing to the gal in the middle here? He's got 'em both trapped up there, and you just know what he's planning. Hey...nothing like a 'third' for the fourth I guess. This one...do I need to even say anything? Look at that face, and the size of that firecracker.(not to mention the shaggy pimp hat) Someone is getting the shocker of a lifetime tonight. Honestly...would you leave your kids around this guy?
This chick seems to be the leader of some kind of black-market organ harvesting scheme...the cherubim are obviously her evil little henchmen. Ghoulish little bastards! This pitiable lass has apparently stumbled upon one of their secret hiding places...she must be eliminated!
So, have a wonderful and safe Valentine's Day, but remember: They're everywhere, and they're watching you!
Where were MY ghosts? How come I didn't get any ghosts? Where was MY second chance? Friggin' Scrooge gets the ultimate golden parachute, I get constant chafing from these heavy ass chains...can't sleep at night for all the clanking...cheap porridge swilling bastard can kiss my spectral ass...
