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i'm joe voigt. i'm tall. i have a beard. i wear glasses. i like to fish. i like to play poker. i like to read. i like baseball. i say dude. i like ganja. i like to be sarcastic. ironically: i hate lists..
good
+ music
+ sleep
+ reading
+ graphic design
+ sarcasm
+ poker
+ food
+ grammar
+ baseball ala red sox
+ crosswords/sudoku
+ beer in moderation
+ reefer in excess
+ cartoons
+ smart girls
+ new jersey
+ big words
+ forensic shows
+ unnecessary showers
+ standup comedy
+ insomnia
+ newports
+ doodeling
+ the scenic route
+ fishing
+ sushi
+ new socks
+ the beach at night
bad
- b4D GraM3r & p()()R Sp3lin
- hot dogs
- bad tippers
- naivity
- chirp phones
- bad little kids
- slow old people
- soccer
- crack cocaine
- michael moore
- bros
- hoes
- dog the bounty hunter (i hated him before he was a racist)
- reggae-tone
- hard alcohol
- dominoe's
- people who spit tobacky
- activists
- february
- the yankees
- the french
- greeks
- harry potter
- celebrity fascination
PS, if my myspace looks mussed up for you, it's because you're using a mac or a stupid screen resolution.
sn : yovoigt email : yovoigt@yahoo.com
comments
headphones
/ 311/ alkaline trio
/ ani defranco
/ appleseed cast
/ atreyu
/ bane
/ beastie boys
/ belle and sebastian
/ ben folds
/ big d & the kids table
/ bob marley
/ bone thugs
/ bouncing souls
/ boy sets fire
/ boy's night out
/ bright eyes
/ cake
/ caliban
/ catch 22
/ crystal skulls
/ csny
/ cursive
/ cypress hill
/ dave mathews band
/ david bowie
/ death cab for cutie
/ dr. dre
/ e-town concrete
/ folly
/ from autumn to ashes
/ get up kids
/ glassjaw
/ halifax
/ hopesfall
/ hot hot heat
/ jay z
/ koufax
/ le tigre
/ les claypool's flying frog brigade
/ ludacris
/ mars volta
/ mc chris
/ mf doom
/ mineral
/ minus the bear
/ modest mouse
/ mustard plug
/ neil young
/ oasis
/ one cool guy
/ pedro the lion
/ poison the well
/ portishead
/ pretty girls make graves
/ primus
/ q and not u
/ radiohead
/ rainer maria
/ red hot chili peppers
/ rival schools
/ rx bandits
/ saves the day
/ shai hulud
/ sinatra
/ streetlight manifesto
/ stretch armstrong
/ strike anywhere
/ sublime
/ sunny day real estate
/ ted leo and the pharmacists
/ the cure
/ the postal service
/ the slackers
/ the slats
/ the smiths
/ tom petty
/ thursday
/ yeah yeah yeahs
big screen
/ all 7 leprechauns/ reefer madness
/ animatrix
/ bill and ted's excellent adventure / bogus journey
/ PCU
/ get shorty / be cool
/ team america: world police
/ hide and seek
/ napoleon dynamite
/ american history x
/ fight club
/ requiem for a dream
/ donnie darko
/ kids
/ half baked
/ drop dead fred
/ don't tell mom the babysitter's dead
/ tank girl
/ in the army now
/ bio dome
/ mallrats
/ jay and silent bob
/ labyrinth
/ space balls
/ wet hot american summer
/ baseketball
/ ferris bueller's day off
/ the bourne identity
/ chasing amy
/ kill bill
/ spun
/ grass: a history of marijuana in the united states
/ cheech and chong
/ gummo
/ cky
/ clerks 1 & 2
/ scarface
/ hackers
/ the depaaahted
/ godfather 1 and 2, but not 3
/ the paris hilton sex tape
/ davinci code
small screen
/ family guy/ mr. show
/ wondershowzen
/ minoriteam
/ venture brothers
/ curb your enthusiasm
/ entourage
/ simpsons
/ forensic files
/ reno 911
/ chappelle's show
/ robot chicken
/ aqua teen hunger force
/ snl
/ ultimate fighting championship
/ pimp my ride
/ punk'd
/ joe shmoe
/ most extreme elimination challenge
/ cops
/ forensic science shows
/ late night with dave attell
/ iron chef
/ conan
/ texas justice
/ guts
/ legends of the hidden temple
/ rocco's modern life
/ doug
/ salute your shorts
/ hey dude
/ saved by the bell
/ er
/ house
/ law & order
/ x files
/ sealab 2021
/ maury povich
/ south park
/ judge judy
/ whammy
/ matchgame 78
/ harvey birdman
/ the sundance channel
/ standup comedy
/ iron chef
/ yo mama
/ real world
/ any white trash sitcoms like rosanne and king of queens
book shelf
some good books you should totally read: american psycho, less than zero, 1984, the anomolies, from bauhaus to our house, the electric kool-aid acid test, the kandy-kolored tangerine-flake streamline baby, one flew over the cuckoo's nest, hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, big sur, on the road, visions of cody, tropic of cancer, catch 22, catcher in the rye ... basically everything by nietzsche, bukowski, palahniuk, vonnegut, steven king, rick moody, dostoevsky etc.. etc.. etc..
i love...
I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refridgerator, blender... All you do is say what the shiit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well that's a fresher... I'm going on break.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.
...And then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.
I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I had never seen.
I had a velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I like cinnimon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnimon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, "Do you have coke in a glass harmonica? ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews?"
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
It's hard to dance if you just your lost wallet. "Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky..."
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...
I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.
Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
He date raped David Bowie.
He once inhaled a seagull.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He has dandruff the size of mice!
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
He breastfeeds John Madden.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
He sweats Gatorade.
He had a four day heart attack.
A day for each chamber. At the autopsy,
they said his heart looked like a
basketball filled with riccotta cheese.
He brushes his teeth with a meat cleaver!
He used his own thigh as an anvil.
He showers in grain alcohol.
He invented the Cleveland Steamer.
He once ate the bible while water skiing.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based
on Brasky - except for the planting apple
trees planting and not raping men.
His poop is considered currency in Argentina!
He loved extension cords!
He grew a third arm and kept it in a vault.
They found $60 in change in his stomach!
His semen can form into a liquid human!
He drives an ice cream truck covered in
human skulls!
He's the father of every kid in this town.
He uses live elk for toilet paper.
He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican!
...And he hated irony!
His first name is Bill! ... I'm drunk.
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I went to China, I didn't want to go, and I went to see the Great Wall. You know, you read about it for years. And actually it was great. It was really, really, really great.
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Two people kissing always look like fish.
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An artist is someone who produces things that people don't need to have but that he, for some reason, thinks it would be a good idea to give them.
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I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs.
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What’s great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest. You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you know that the President drinks Coke, Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke, too. A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. All the Cokes are the same and all the Cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it, the bum knows it, and you know it.
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Art is anything you can get away with.
- warhol
__________g_a_r_y__p_a_n_t_e_r____________
(fucking genious)
The Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment.
This teaches children a valuable lesson: Expect nothing and be happy you're not kidnapped.
And the number one threat to America is... Bears!
It is not enough to prove something, one also has to seduce or elevate people to it. That is why a man of knowledge should learn how to speak his wisdom: and often in such a way that it sounds like folly!
We are like shop windows in which we are continually arranging, concealing or illuminating the supposed qualities other ascribe to us - in order to deceive ourselves.
- NIETZSCHE
