en-tur-tain-munt
Read and enjoy.
My name is Ty Walters and I'm the fifth funniest person you'll ever meet.
I was born in a remote village in Nigeria where the natives communicate by using an extremely complicated series of ear, elbow, and groin grabs; not unlike the coaches in Major League Baseball. I lived amongst the people of the Wakinashimahitoshitanita tribe for the first fifteen years of my life, only to have my loving parents send me to Taiwan to live out my dream of becoming a sweatshop worker. For the next two years I worked in this sweatshop, making four pennies an hour while assembling wooden photo frames for Americans. I saved up enough money for a one-way ticket to Phoenix, Arizona, and here I am today.
When I walk, my platinum-coated, emerald and sapphire-studded steel testicles clank together to the tune of Pantera's song "Cowboys From Hell."
I dislike oysters, smile too much, and make up extremely untrue stories for a cheap laugh (and to seem mildly interesting).
Everything I say is a joke, except for the things that aren't.
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