"True Story" by Bill Maher, "Fight Club" by Chuck Palahnuik, "The Secret History" by Donna Tart, "Lightning" by Dean Koontz, the "Book of the Dead" trilogy by Ric Meyers, and--of course--"The Ultimate Bachelor's Guide" by Ward Anderson
Heroes
George Carlin, Robert Schimmel, Bill Maher, Christopher Titus, Carol Burnett, John Stewart, Phil Hartman, Brian Regan, Eddie Murphy, Bill Hicks, Lewis Black, my father
University Of Georgia
Athens,Georgia
Graduated: 1995
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: Speech Communications
Clubs: Drama and Performance. Speechwriter's Association. Public Speaker's Organization.
1991 to 1995
Lassiter High School
Marietta,Georgia
Graduated: 1991
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
Major: Speech Communications
Clubs: Drama, Thespians, Chorus, etc.
Who I'd like to meet: People who like Ward, Ward's Comedy, Ward's books, etc.
You know who I DO NOT care about? I don't care about porno people, or annoying nude models. I don't care about chicks using myspace to show off their not-so-unique nude photos or websites, nor the people who simply want to add friends so they can SPAM them with porno stuff. I know where to find porno, I don't want yours. I don't care how great you look naked. I promise you that you have NOTHING I haven't seen before. You've managed to ruin myspace, which used to be cool. Now, asshole spammers ike yourselves have made it pointless, even for harmless marketing. Go away.
Secondly, I don't give a shit about your band. The only bands I'm friends with are the bands I've actually seen and that I actually know. If you've cut a new demo, that's great...but I don't give a shit, so don't try to befriend me and peddle your fucking tunes to me. I don't care. If I see you live or something, maybe we'll be friends on here. Otherwise, take your CD and go away. Got it? Same thing goes for soloists, rappers, bad girl groups, and sensitive dudes holding guitars. You've ALSO ruined myspace.
The samet thing goes for DJs. In the world of entertainment, You might just annoy me the most. At least the bands bother to write and record their own music. Even mimes impress me more than DJs. Don't peddle your stupid mix CD to me. Go befriend some teenaged chick who wants to get into parties she's too young to get into.
I'm not a hypocrite, so I'll befriend comedians. I'm a comedian, so I'm okay with comics. Just don't spam me constantly with EVERY show you're doing. If I don't live in Nebraska, chances are good that I'm not going to attend your show at Uncle Fucksticks Chuckle Hut. Get it? Use the "Event Invitation" feature wisely and sparingly. If I'm on TV, I'll use it. If I'm doing a show in Oklahoma, I'll send messages to my friends in Oklahoma. I don't need to know every last goddamned show you're doing every single week. So, please, stop sending invites for every last event. I, in turn, won't spam you guys. I'll only send out bulletins when I'm doing something that EVERYONE can see...and not just a gig in a particular city.
I will not befriend you if you look like a porno advertisement waiting to happen. I will not befriend you if you seem to be selling something. I will not befriend you if you're a band I've never seen live nor care about.
I used to have thousands of friends, until it dawned on me that having all of those friends was making myspace completely worthless for communicating and was only a tool for internet jackasses to make a quick buck. I'm not the only one ignoring 80% of the stuff that comes through myspace these days. So, I'm getting picky..and, slowly, I'm deleting the profiles that are pointless or simply people trying to peddle stuff anonymously on here.
If, however, you know me, have seen me perform, caught me on TV, or honestly want to communicate on myspace, I'd be happy to "meet" you here and be your "Friend". I won't blindly spam you, either. So, that's pretty fair, I think.
FYI- Pensacola Metro cannot possibly wait till May for THE Ward Anderson to return- I have stirred up quite the commotion via word of mouth (and you know it's a BIG mouth- take what you want from that,people!)
As cheesy as this is. Its says everything and more. I am so glad to have met you. I will ALWAYS consider you a friend! You have been a blast to get to know and work with/for. I wish you all the best and know that my heart is saddened to see you go. Love you Ward.
Thanks for the laughs last night. That was some funny shit! I needed the laughs. Hope you get back to the area again. Ill be sure to come see ya. Have a safe trip back!
OMG...tonight was my first night to go to the loony bin. me and my sister were supposed to go a couple weeks ago when i turned 18 but we werent able to...but OMG you were SO FUNNY!!! OMG I HAD A BLAST!!! : D
Hello pumpkin. I so love to read the comments from the gag squad who follow you around (internet-ally of course) with their perky boobs taunting you... I, however, was born with boobs that perk, so I write only to say that I love you
We saw you when you were here in Tally a few months back and it was a blast. It was our first time going to a comedy zone and you made it a night to remember. You were a lot better than the guy who came on after you. We are now a huge fan of your work and can't wait for you to come back to our area!!
Thanks for the laughs Saturday. All of the dog rescue people there for the fundraiser really appreciated your (very accurate) impression of a puking dog.
