Current mood:
drunk
So, wow. I suppose I should start to re-evaluate my life and have some sort of near-serious accident revelation. I'm really not. I am drinking a big, strong vodka and Diet Coke. I have been in the doldrums of January as of late, emotionally, unable to complete any meaningful tasks or even write a stupid blog, for fuck's sake.
Barack Obama is the President-Elect, and I realize that I really don't have much to bitch and complain about. I got myself all angered up with the prospect of Sarah Palin being the Veep, almost to the point of a bizarre obsession, and now I have nothing to be disenfranchised about. It even looks like Al Franken is gonna win the Senate seat in Minnesota. I should be freakin' ecstatic, really. But I'm not, I am just sort of paralyzed by winter, by inactivity, by some sort of...dare I say it? Depression. Seasonal Affect Disorder, perhaps? I really don't know. I can't sleep at night, and when I do go to sleep, I have really, seriously fucked-up dreams...
Last night I dreamt that the maintanance crew at work had installed a wicked-huge speaker system of all of these giant woofers in my county van. Then I went home (in the dream) and there were all these skunks all over my yard, except they didn't spray me. They were actually kind of nice. So I guess all of those Old Folks I transport around could get jiggy with it, with our fantastic new kick-ass speaker system...what the hell would I even play on it? The freakin' Benny Goodman Orchestra or some shit? I have always been pertial to Charlie Parker and Artie Shaw, if we must delve into the "Big Band" era. And then, of course, I could come home to the comfort of my pet skunks.
As if that wasn't bizarre, (and so impossibly realistic) a dream, the one I had the night before me was off the fucking chain, in terms of weirdness: I was agin, at work, and went to a hospital I had never been to before. It had some sort of a courtyard, very pleasant, with benches and topiary animals, and fountains....I dropped off the senior at the front door, took his arm and led him off to the front door, like I do at work, in waking life, all the time. I turned to walk back to the van, and there, on one of the marble benches, my (dead) grandmother was sitting....except she wasn't old and sick, she was young, and beautiful, with her mysterious, dark, French good looks still intact.
So, in the dream, I saw her, and was quite taken aback. Not frightened, really, more intrigued, more puzzled. I approached her, and she smiled, and said to me, "Hello, Jenny...would you like to join me?"
So, in the dream I have this little internal, steam-of-consciousness dialogue, thinking, well, no, I wouldn't like to join you, because you're dead, and if that is what you mean, THANKS but NO thanks!
So. That was that. But when I woke up, the content and context of the dream REALLY bothered me. What, exactly, did my dead grandmother mean by, "do you want to join me???" It just doesn't seem like a good thing to me....And I really don't remember therest, I think I was just like, "Oh, no, I've gotta get this person home, blah, blah, blah...." And that was the end of that.....
So for a few days, since the whole dream thing, I have been walking around, completely aware of the fact that my life may be ending....that perhaps my grandmother's "do you want to join me" statement may be coming true....but, as much as I have been looking over my shoulder, nothing happened.
Until today. At work, I was driving down Shawnee Road, at about 8:30 this a.m, when it happened: A SEMI started to fishtail, and then Jackknife, right in front of me...I was completely aware of what was happening....I was so sure I would be hit, I prepared myself, saying, "Now what position should I be in, when the truck hits me?" Then miraculously, I did not hit the truck....He somehow recovered and straightened out....But it was damn scary, and I thought that was it for me....
Yes, I know, big whoop, but when nothing ever happens to you, such incidents are a little jarring....and would I have been bracing myself, if my dead grandmother hadn't asked me to join her? I just feel like I was a little teency bit prepared....
blissful
In the oral tradition of the Lenni Lenape, the "Grandfather People," whom the colonists dubbed the "Delaware Indians," it has long been predicted that there would come a time when a white male and female deer would be seen together, and that this would be a sign to the people to come together. It would be a sign that an historic juncture was soon approaching, and that one of two outcomes would ensue; Either humanity would bring on its own self-destruction and that of all our relations; Or humanity would bring on its own salvation and the restoration of the land and the animals indigenous to it.
crazy