BrattyJenn's Blog

Current mood:crazy

So the election is a mere two days away. I, for one, am having a very difficult time with this prospect. What if McCain somehow manages to win (steal) the vote? I do no have an escape plan. I am on vacation, 'til next Wednesday, so I suppose I could just take a little road trip across the border, never to return. No-one would even notice I was missing for days.

I just cannot bring myself to say "President McCain," or God forbid, "President P-P-P-alin." It pains me to even type the words. My heart, and my liver, especially my poor liver can't take four more years.

So in the throes of my Politics-inspired downward spiral into madness, I keep having these semi-bizarre, disconnected, random thoughts, that in the big scheme of things, really do not have anything to do with anything. Perhaps it is just my poor, broken little brain's way of keeping my insane neuroses and mis-firing synapses from going comepletely off of the deep end.

Just for the sake of possibly the first Election-induced nervous breakdown, I will now share some of these gems I have been having. Besides, how often do you get to be privvy to a real, first-hand account of a complete psychotic break? And on MySpace, no less. Probably not very often. In fact, may I announce, with trembling pleasure, this may in fact, be a first? Here are the horrible thoughts I have been unable to block out, and feel I just have to write down, in no particular order.

*What would 50 dollars of Cream of Mushroom soup look like? I would approximate that it would be about fifty cans, if I hit the right sale. Could I create my own, to scale, 3-D variation of that Andy Warhol ode to Tomato soup? Would it be as visually impacting if I used generic soup, or that 98% fat-free variety?

*One should never underestimate the importance of a spotlessly clean toilet bowl if they have the misfortune of contracting the stomach 'flu, (correctly referred to as genus Norovirus, family Caliciviridae) acute gastroenteritis, or a particularly bad hangover.

*What if aliens are observing our culture through our computers, and when they come to earth they will only be able to communicate in terms such as "LOL", or "ROTFL" and similiar text-talk? What if they couldn't tell time by looking at a non-digital clock, or couldn't write printed words on a piece of paper because they could only relate to computers? Would that make them sociopathic, due to their lack of emotions, or just advanced?

*What if we went back to a cash-less society? What if we had to exchange live chickens for toilet paper? I wonder if we would stay closer to home and live within our means if we all had to wipe our asses with live chickens.

*What if cancer and other debilitating diseases are not a product of genetics and lifestyle, but are contagious? What if a toxic environment was to blame? I mean, think about it--If you have a bad diet, and surround yourself with negative people, and bad living situations, bad air, bad vibes, etc, doesn't that constitute a sort of contagion? People are always "Lysol-ing" the phone receiver, but we cannot Lysol our psyches, can we?

*Why can't I have an insanely porous brain when it comes to something useful, like stock tips or how to create a product that is so revelutionary that it changes the course of human history, and because of it, I am remembered as a hero of all times, instead of having a steel-trap brain when it comes to music trivia and obscure facts? Why can't I have a brain more like Louis Pasteur and less like Kurt Loder?

*Why do religious groups target me? Why do they keep sticking things in my door? Why do they think that after most of my life being extremely skeptical about the existence of God, they can just stick a two-page pamplet, or Chick Tract in my door, and I will re-think every position I have ever taken, and say, "Oh! It is suddenly crystal clear! What did I do before I read this pulpy, mass-produced pamphlet? Suddenly I see the error in my ways! My God, this flyer has saved my soul!"

*And whatever happened to Mungo Jerry? I know I could just Google him but I prefer not to know.

I really hope the contents of this blog are not completely cliche'. But if they are, I can just blame it on the Nervous Breakdown.