Wooden Thomas is the original Moniker of the folk artist and musician, Thomas J. Kiernan who was born in the New Jersey Pine Barrens circa 1969. He claims that he was a vaudevillian performer in the early 20th century who was cryogenically frozen and released from suspended animation in the early 90s. He started out creating album cover designs for bands such as Uncle Wiggly and Smack Dab, although initially under the name T.J.K. Haywood. The artist claims to have turned into wood as the direct result of a bicycle accident. His first musical effort was a cassette titled "Subconscious Garage Sale" in 1996. Parts of it were played on local radio stations in New Jersey and Philadelphia, but the cassette is now rare. He and two of his first cousins formed a zany folk trio called The Modern Day Carpetbaggers and played on WFMU radio five times. Thomas played a variety of toy instruments and comedic effects with that band. Thomas proceeded as an original singer/songwriter/guitarist whose surrealistic lyrics have been said to be inspired by Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen. His deadpan lyrics are both poetic and funny: "50-foot-tall chicken/grabbed me by the head,/just as I was listening,/to every word you said./Roof blew off the house,/heard you scream my name." His 2004 Album "Age of Aquarium" was produced in Brooklyn, NY by J.Z. Barrell. This entry is from Wikipedia, the leading user-contributed encyclopedia. It may not have been reviewed by professional editors (see full disclaimer)
......................................
X-eyed Trophy Bride:
Juniper Roller; Read along with lyrics!
......................................
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl.
I'm strollin through her world.
I love the smell of the sun it is pure and gaseous .
And even at night the flowering trees in the air they swirl.
And when out among the swamplands, in the skunkcabbage I can smell the past.
to behold a bouquet of rosemary brings me back to Christmas time.
I like it when you laugh at me and your hair it smells pretty it doesn't come from a factory.
the Mulch of summer plants images in my mind of what has yet to grow.
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl.
I'm strollin through her world.
And the Bullfrogs play tubas and the Crickets orchestrate I can smell the future in the past from far away.
As a dog smells a fire hydrant I will sample every mind I meet.
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl.
I want to video record her mind.
I love the smell of the sun it is loving and insightful .
Scooba diveing coochey snorker I found at the end of a rainbow's goldmine.
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl. panning for gold in the river on which the sun it shines.
WONDER WOMAN VS. THE PTERODACTYL VIDEO !
SUBTITLE 1998 (NO SOUND)
thE vIdEO AbOvE
hAs nO sOUnd.
It Is fOr sUbtItlE from
“sUbcOnscIOUs gArAgE sAlE”
1998 stArring cEcIlIA mEssIAno, shot bY
brAndOn gArrIsOn And dIrEctEd bY
(AlsO starring)
wOOdEn thOmAs.
It’s short, And gOEs wEll wIth jUst AbOUt
Any wOOdEn thOmas sOng.
this vErsIOn hAs nO sOUnd.
!
Born to a woman in 1966, looking a lot like Sheryl Crow.
He grew up a ferel child in the New Jersey Pine Barrens.
He later claimed that he was cryologicaly frozen in the vaudeville years and was not released from susspended animation until about 1990.
He is a singer songwriter guitarist and visualy gifted.
Wooden Thomas' bio can be read in full at WWW.Woodenthomas.com
Thank You.
COLD SPAGHETTI video !
..This profile was edited with Thomas' myspace editor™ V2.5
APE POOPIE !
I been sitting here listening to Wooden Thomas for HOURS man. I just clicked on the Add Comment link and fucked everything up, so now I have to start all over...
yes this is a music site. i am just waiting for david to upload. also when i get some time i will put up your bio. and link to your page as well. later in this spring i want his GF to be in our film. but we have to get the music made first. xo
Are you gonna be around on Fri? Me, Jim, and Frank are gonna be playing BLVD @ Crash Mansion at 8, so come by and hang out if you can! Hope all is well my friend!
Turtles and ice cream! Ice cream turtles n' sody pop! Crawin through the yummy creamy nutty ness with cute little claws! Turtles n ice cream that's what I want for Xmas please mr Santy clause!
Magic shell! Whats that smell? I have seen the painted snapper box in my frozen milky dreams. I want cones and sprinkles and chocolate sauce with my turtles and ice creams.
La La La La La! Crawlin in my dreams, open up the refrigerator they are blue and brown and green. They're crawin out real slow, I think I ruptured my spleen , all I want to know about is Turtles and Ice cream.
Mystical whimsical reptical spectacles. Staggering in ectothermic dairy delight. Scales and nonpareils grace my spoon. Nut covered demons race for the moon. Testudines blow my mind.
Turtles and ice cream! Ice cream turtles n' sody pop! Crawin through the yummy creamy nutty ness with cute little claws! Turtles n ice cream that's what I want for Xmas please mr Santy clause!
Magic shell! Whats that smell? I have seen the painted snapper box in my frozen milky dreams. I want cones and sprinkles and chocolate sauce with my turtles and ice creams.
......................................
X-eyed Trophy Bride:
Juniper Roller; Read along with lyrics!
......................................
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl.
I'm strollin through her world.
I love the smell of the sun it is pure and gaseous .
And even at night the flowering trees in the air they swirl.
And when out among the swamplands, in the skunkcabbage I can smell the past.
to behold a bouquet of rosemary brings me back to Christmas time.
I like it when you laugh at me and your hair it smells pretty it doesn't come from a factory.
the Mulch of summer plants images in my mind of what has yet to grow.
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl.
I'm strollin through her world.
And the Bullfrogs play tubas and the Crickets orchestrate I can smell the future in the past from far away.
As a dog smells a fire hydrant I will sample every mind I meet.
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl.
I want to video record her mind.
I love the smell of the sun it is loving and insightful .
Scooba diveing coochey snorker I found at the end of a rainbow's goldmine.
Juniper Berries for a Roller skating girl. panning for gold in the river on which the sun it shines.
WONDER WOMAN VS. THE PTERODACTYL VIDEO !
SUBTITLE 1998 (NO SOUND)
thE vIdEO AbOvE
hAs nO sOUnd.
It Is fOr sUbtItlE from
“sUbcOnscIOUs gArAgE sAlE”
1998 stArring cEcIlIA mEssIAno, shot bY
brAndOn gArrIsOn And dIrEctEd bY
(AlsO starring)
wOOdEn thOmAs.
It’s short, And gOEs wEll wIth jUst AbOUt
Any wOOdEn thOmas sOng.
this vErsIOn hAs nO sOUnd.
