Derek Howard

About me:

ENJOY THESE COWS:

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell the milk for a while, then sell a cow to buy a bull.

Socialism: You have two cows. You and your neighbors vote on who gets how much.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes ownership of them, and forces you to milk them. All milk is distributed equally.

2300 AD: You don't have two cows. This machine will make you feel fully recovered...but you're still hungry.

Anarchism: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, and then shoots them for fun. You later discover he is a Nazi.

Spanish Conquistadors: You have two cows. I refuse to allow you to sacrifice your two cows; for such an act is immoral and against God! Also, All your Gold Are Belong to Us.

Borat: You have two cows... NOT!

Internet: You have two cows. They have one cup.

Bar: You have two cows. These two cows walk into a bar and... Shit! Wrong joke.

Matrix: There are no cows.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Hindu: You have two cows. You worship them.

Avogadro: You have 6.02x10^23 cows. They combine together to make a mole. Eh?

Evolution: You want two cows? Just get some micro-algae - and wait.

Temporal Paradox: You have two cows. One goes back in time and stops their mother from getting pregnant with them. You have no cows. The cows are never born so one never goes back in time to stop his mother from giving birth. You have 2 cows. One goes back in time and...

Self Reference: You have two cow-related jokes sentences. They are not funny at all.

Role-Playing Games: You have two cows. One cow has a lot of angst and missing memories. The other has large udders and loves the first cow. The first cow is trying to save the world, but the other cow turns on him and kills him. That's where you come in.

Kirby: You have two cows. One cow sucks up the other cow and gains super-milking powers. It squirts milk into the baddies' faces and saves Dairyland.

Halo: You have two cows. The Cowvenant has 3,000 warships circling a mysterious ring that (loading please wait) turns out to be a research facility built by the Cowrunners to study the Flood, a particularly nasty variant of Mad Cow Disease. You shoot them all only to relise you left your CowHog behind, the only reason you gave a shite in the first place.

Kazakhstan: You have two cows. Assholes Uzbekistan have only one! Great Success!

4chan: You have over 9000 cows. They do barrel rolls.

MySpace: Yoy have two cows. Repost this in 1 minute with the title "I HATE MY COWS" or your two cows will die and never come back to you.

Creationism: God made all cows.

Jedi: You have two cows...
"... I have two cows."

KKK: You have two cows, you burn the black one.

Scientology: You have two cows. Their souls are tainted but this book can tell you how to save them. It's $50.

Soviet Russia: You have two cows. They milk you.