MySpace a place for friends

NEW BLOG!

I was once mugged at gunpoint and told the would be thugs to eff off (they did); I've killed at least a dozen venomous snakes with a four-inch hoe blade; yet I have a paralyzing fear of ... moths.

I taught martial arts as a black belt in Shotokan Karate, and was undefeated in the open sparring circuit.

I don't like ice cream.

I can forgive anything if you're honest.

I was told not to return to church because I had the audacity to bring African American children to Vacation Bible School.

I've walked away from organized religion.

I haven't changed my calendar since August because I like the picture. And I'm okay with that.

I cannot swim, I don't like cheese, and I've never gotten a ticket.

Fight. Screw flight.

Rain is my favorite weather, I am of Irish, Blackfoot Indian and French Canadian stock, and I once had a fish named Dipstick.

I am entirely time challenged, I dislike wearing shoes, and I blew up three car engines before someone told me the oil had to be changed.



GENERAL INTERESTS

People. Everyone has a story to tell, and I want to write it.

My most specific interest, and the cause nearest to my heart, is in the rescue and rehabilitation of children sold into slavery.


MY HEROES

My mother - the strongest woman I've ever known - who took her parents to court at the age of sixteen, was granted her emancipation, then struck out on her own with just enough bus fare to get her out of Hell's Kitchen, New York.

My adopted grandmother Emily, who at the age of ninety, went to the nursing home each day to visit "the old people," so they would feel loved.

Lois Bohovesky, the mother of my best childhood friend, for surviving her daughter's senseless murder and for devoting herself to keeping the killers behind bars.

An elderly African American man in my town who lives in a car plastered with bumper stickers, and who spends half his Social Security check every month on Vienna Sausages to give out "to the poor folk."

And finally, Jack The Barking Wonder Dog, who refused to budge when a stray Rottwieler tried to get to the children - even after the beast ripped his throat open.

Strength. Courage. Compassion. Loyalty. These are my heroes

MUSIC

Mostly rock and alternative rock, though there isn’t much I do not like except for cheesy country songs. If a song can evoke an emotional response, it's a winner in my book. My favorite group today is Last Exit (playing on my page – you should check them out).


FILM

I like most genres outside of slasher films, films with excessive, gratuitous sex scenes, and films that rely on cheap gags or toilet humor to carry them from FADE IN to FADE OUT.

No disrespect to the writers of such films but, come on – if I’m going to pay eight bucks to see your film, then do your job and write a story already.

And now you know everything about me.

So.

What the hell does it mean to write like you’re naked?

Good question -- and I promise to post excerpts from the seminar (eventually), but for now, a little about me.

I do not publish my real name or pictures of myself on the Internet anymore, thanks in part to a little stalker gnome that I picked up in my cyber travels; and to a larger degree, to an incident about a year ago, in which I managed to piss off a delusional psychopath with a steak knife and an agenda.

Yeah, I know – but nobody ever said life made sense.

Moving on…

I was a syndicated humor columnist until about two years ago, when I spotted what appeared to be the Abominable Snowman rooting around in my trash, I was forced to buy a hula dance DVD – and my career was subsequently run over by a bus.

It’s a long story.

I have been a student of screenwriting ever since. My most recent project is a Romantic Family Comedy (yes, you read that right) titled TAKE A CHANCE ON ME, cowritten with Zac Sanford (Suntaur/Elsboy Entertainment) – an incredibly talented young writer with the patience of a saint.

We’ve just finished what seems like our 5000th rewrite, and we hope to go wide within the next few weeks (should we please the manager gods), so keep your fingers crossed.

I’m married and have three daughters , plus three additional daughters who adopted us through a foreign exchange student program.

That’s six teenage girls, in case you’re not counting, so any brains I may have been born with were lost somewhere between a slumber party and a shoe sale. I retain only one brain cell, which my readers have named Luigi for reasons know only to themselves.

SUBSCRIBE!