Hello I'm Cat and im 18 (:
6th April 1991
I study Art & Photography (:
I am Christian (: Sarcasm is pretty much my middle name r:
Everyone thinks im Evil..but im not ):
I Find It Very Difficult To Refuse A Hug (: I love making new friends, so dont get offended if i add you (:
♥
Loves Hugs
Trust
Faith
Music
Smiles
Honesty
Sincerity
Heavy Metal
..Take hold of my hand..
..For you are no longer alone..
..Walk with me in hell..
Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward.
Whoever cannot take care of themselves without that law is both.
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant,
'If I live, I will kill you. If I die, You are forgiven.'
Such is the rule of honour.
BladeYouStain@hotmail.co.uk
i don't know sometimes, love. i've not yet confided this in anyone quite honestly, but, it's almost as if there's just a stab inside me, over and over again each and every time i see my mother, merely splitting her peas across from me at dinner or just sat next to me, joking around on the bench at the Ponds that i take her to everytime my father breaks her heart. it's just fucking....eh. a weird cocktail of emotions, really. anger. sadness. utter helplessness.
the holidays are just, well, they just haven't quite mixed that well with my family. at least not for a very long time.
but i actually managed to bump into an old friend of mine from Music Theory class at the gas station the other night, and according to him they're currently in need of a new hand, the hours are utter shit, graveyard shift to be exact but then again money is still money i suppose lol. and having another side job never hurt anyone :)
ahm, fat fucking jolly santa in a fucking adidas track suit? i swear to you that i've seen that exact bastard selling a used mattress, and half of an eaten turkey outside the Pawn Shop on 108th
ho ho hoish indeed xD
well i shall end this little lennynote here. your comments/picture have all succeeded in me falling out of my chair in a violent bit of laughter this evening lol.
hope you're alright, dear.
i don't know why, but i've been thinking a lot about you lately.
sweet dreams, gorgeous.
take care, i love you.
you're half the world away...yet always in my heart♥
i just thought i'd drop you a note, it's uhm, about half past midnight here, my time, and the night skies over los angeles are actually clear for once, and quite beautiful...which, probably explains how i'm actually getting a wireless signal out on my porch tonight lol. i just wanted to wish you a happy christmas day, my sweet :)
and i hope things haven't been...too insane on your side of the great big blue ocean/this life.
well first things first my love, seeing as though i'm just that much of a neurotic geek, i just wanted to uhm, say that i'm deeply sorry, if any of my recent updates may have been a source of worry for you.
truth be told, the last thing i'd ever want, would be for me to ever be source of trouble for you...and i just know how much you utterly fucking destest it whenever i feel this incessent need to apologize for things but i figured that i'd touch all bases and get that out in the open.
i just feel that i owe you that, in the least bit. you know how i feel about you.
anywaysssss, uhm, well as evidenced by the putrid scent of cigarette smoke and pure desparity currently emitting from my brand new green cardigan, it's safe to say that i've just returned from another all-nighter in the smoking section (unfortunately) at a free buffet that i took my mother out to for Christmas dinner :) she prefers it that way, you know...just the two of us. i don't know if i've ever shared this with you but for the longest time during my younger years our relationship was a little....strained, for lack of a better word. and so the last few years since leaving texas have pretty much been devoted to opening up the lines of communication between us. and sadly enough, any or all cries out to my father merely seem to just fall on deaf ears, despite the fact that each and every specialist i've spoken to these last few days have all told me that they don't know how much longer i may have with her.
ah well that explains recent updates and such, il not as for you to elaborate not that i stalk them or anything... They keep appearing and such like. did i not reply to the last comment about gravy? i had mash and gravy, with too much gravy. it didnt burn in my mouth but was like hellfire in my throat, it was a cheep trick to play on me i know... xx
U sent it to the K! address an', well, maybe they've sent it on to me and it's just takin' its merry time. I'll ask the K! secretary in the New Year if she has any recollection of it. Maybe she put it somewhere for me, but forgot to tell me.
Was it valuable? Gold? Diamonds?? Superman issue one???
so i toooootally didn't mean to keep you waiting like that, like, i literally just got back to my apartment right now from what must have been like the mostunholy of all unholiest slash evil, evil, evil quintessential l.a. gridlocks (lol)
i apologize for keeping you on, dudesy. uhm, i'll try staying up tonight if i should be so fortunate as to catch you at another hour tonight perhaps :)
ok, so after picking up my mom and carousing past the post office to mail out your top secret-ish christmas present i totally ended up getting bogged the fuck down at the Wal-greens (the local pharmacy here) just waiting for her main physician's approval to authorize her *Megace refill (the medication she's currently on to neutralize her growing tumor).
you know, i seriously promise you that doctor's have to be like, the most monetarily sadistic beings walking this planet (lol)
come to think of it, i totally feel like heading out and, oh i don't know, taping a Kick Me I'm Sick sign to the back of the first person i see walking down the street a wearing drab white robe (lol)
...dentists will do (lol)
well tell eilish i said thanks very much, and that i really do hope her friend's health has improved in the time since. i miss her.
and for that you are deeply appreciated, on like, sooo many levels (lol).
people like you don't come around that often dude, and if you're anything like me and don't take to compliments well,
you're just going to have to deal with that little hypothesis of mine :)
aw, no worries, really. and don't like, be bothered over my stupid little unfortunate mis-happening, i'm not like in some bullshit suicidal mode or anything. it just gets a bit hard having to keep track of all these pills i have to down everyday, you know? like, sometimes i just feel like such a fucking junkie (lol)
well i'm supposed to to be *ahem* re-mailing out your top-secret gift today seeing as though the thing i've been looking for was practically like, sold out at every place i went to.
and ooh! like duuuude,
the post office is closing at like, 5 today and i've to go pick up the mother from work before i head out there so i should , really start getting ready (lol)
uh, i just don't like putting too much information out there about me, people don't need to know everything.
wellllllll dude,
i knew you had a lot on your mind to decipher lately so i just figured i'd let it be :)
but mucho-grassyass though :)
ah pffft. don't worry.
father dearest came by and picked a fight with my dying mother on my birthday which, always wrecks royal hell on my anxiety seeing as though i now sleep in the living room.
in short, i downed a pill as soon as i heard the commotion and then being the natural klutz that i am,
i took another after eating (which is my usual routine) then i just felt like my head was gonna explode so i just sort of bit the bullet and decided to just sleep it off. i don't know, this is going to sound horrible, but, i just figured worst come to worst if i stopped breathing or anything my mother was in the room next door so at least i'd be found in time. eh.
It's nice how you're not being a bitch about the situation. thanks. guess i need to straighten up a bit. im just not very confident in myself. and i have pretty low self esteem.
honestly im not "fishing for compliments". im stating the way i feel. i dont feel pretty. and i dont think i am pretty. seriously, what people say about me on myspace doesnt really effect the way i feel about myself. if you MUST know why i posted that status, is because, im tired of alll of my friends being prettier and better than me. they all brag about their boyfriends. and it just kills me. but ya know. its whatever.
well, dudesy, i'm not going to patronize you here and tell you that you should've done this or you should've done that because i'm quite certain that only you know what's best for you in a way that no one else does, and that you made the decision that you honestly felt was best for you.
and i did say that i would support it...what ever your decision may be, and i do :)
but, uhm, may i just say?
just like, don't lose her card buddie...you never know :)
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