It all started in Wyoming, or so the story goes. Just a man making
tacos, and now everybody knows. One man had a dream that he could
provide fresh Mexican food to the people at an affordable price. The
band Knife World started in 2004 and since then, these two young men
have dedicated their lives to offer this same incredible value, musically.
Much like the "Taco Bravo" (which, as you may know, is a taco
INSIDE a burrito), Knife World layers a solid foundation of taco meat
filling, a crunchy inner-shell and surrounds those sounds with a layer
of refried beans, topped with crisp lettuce, cheese, tomato, and
lovingly wrapped in a soft flour tortilla. Merely a two-piece, Knife
World's compositions offer 25% MORE music per member, offering an
exceptional value to the listener.
Guitarist, Jon Nielsen, was classically trained in the art of
guitar freak-outs and heavy pot smoking in the heart of the Black Hills
of South Dakota. Sitting on top of Harney Peak, the "center of the
universe" (according to Black Elk), Jon requested the ability to shred.
He spent his early days operating a tourist-trap ski-lift, carrying the
idiots to a private mountain-top which allowed them a special viewing of
Mount Rushmore. With a boombox that frequently played Slayer and
Metallica as his only friend, he jerked off on a guitar and smoked weed
in a small hut high atop Tramway Mountain. After high school he
accidentally cut his hair and began listening to finger-style jazz
guitar. He still has not gotten laid.
Drummer, Josh Journey-Heinz, led a more dashing early life with
his first errection appearing at the tender age of five. Since Knife
World's inception, it's been ROCK HARD ever since. Growing up playing
electric guitar in the basement bosoms of Minneapolis, he eventually
began jamming with high school friend, Ted Leslie, on the drums. At a
combined height of almost 13 ft, their respective centers of gravity prohibited
them from being any good at skateboarding so they retreated back to the
basement where they continued to collaborate musically throughout high
school. At the age of 20, Ted was diagnosed with brain cancer. Upon passing, Josh inherited Ted's precious drums, which have since served as a perfectly rowdy mechanism through which to send rhythms to his old friend in the ether.
Josh and Jon first played together at a fisting dungeon in North East
Minneapolis. They shared a love for excessive jamming and general
perversions. Named by IceRod (the best rapper in North America),
Knife World began playing a litany of underground venues, scavenger
hunts and nasty parties. During the first three years the band
self-produced a six song cassette-only release and a five song Compact
Disc entitled "Salutations from Ancient Cum". Their legacy is now
bolstered by a full-length 3-D record on Roaratorio Records. Don't let
their small dicks fool you, they're really nice guys.
Have you ever gorged yourself on salty seafood? Perhaps at a buffet or an establishment featuring an “all you can eat” special? Minneapolis based KNIFE WORLD has. And that’s not all these boys have crammed into their tight, slender frames.
Like an ocean voyage, sailing through the seas of ancient cum... KNIFE WORLD transcends the terrible ocean of shit to bring you down and suck you off! After a tiring and exhaustive tour of duty, post nam, these boys are ready to integrate themselves back into society. With an all star line up, featuring members of Fuckhead Rogering and the Goddamn Henhouse, Bitch Cunt and the Wiener Cocks and Fruity Francois and the Fortified Five (pre Brick Marlon era).
Jonathan Fredrick Nielsen also known as Jonathan Fredrick Fuck aka Fucking Friendly Francois aka Buttfucking Henry Motherfucking Peabody Loaf Shitstain Cycloptic Anus Buttfuck Diary Motherfucking Johnson. Won’t let you down until you CUM! If you love shit, he is the turd for you! From the unsightly patches of body hair to the hideously deformed penis and nasty pieces of shit stuck to the back of his disgusting viscous scalp that won’t let you forget that HE IS A MAN!
Who is this bitch? Josh Journey-Heinz (ex–ASHCROFT), don’t let his ghoulish height or wide open fucking gaping mouth let you down. The typical, boorish, and trendy garbage that spill out of every orifice are nothing compared to what YOU can put inside. If cashews were 50 cents a dozen, you wouldn’t wanna catch him with HIS pants down!
Remember that finding a rich mate is more likely than accomplishing a successful career and see KNIFE WORLD when they come to your town. There was recently a fire at a butter factory in New Ulm, Minnesota. Molten butter pored out every open hole like lava. KNIFE WORLD is like laying on the ground in front of that butter factory while the ghastly molten lava pours all over your erect penis, thighs, and buttocks!
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Come grab an advanced copy of the new disc from my fuzzgrunge noisepop band The Sextons, and as always bands, let me know how I can help out with your next tasty record!
