Zabeth
Improv / Sketch Comedy / As Seen on TV
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Leave the backhoe running; I'll be right back! No, I mean it this time.
Female
68 years old
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
United States
Last Login: 8/20/2009
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Mood:
triumphant
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View My:
Pics
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Zabeth's Comedian Bio
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| Website | trophywifeimprov.com |
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Zabeth's Interests
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| General | county fairs, carnivals, weiner dogs (actually any kind of dog but they get extra points if they do one or more of the following: a. make snorfy noises when they are excited; b. wag their entire butts instead of just their tails; or c. almost always have one ear up and one ear down), those small spiral-bound cookbooks that get put together by a group of kindly old ladies at a church or rotary club, making realistic fart noises with my mouth (it helps if you lift up one buttcheek for verisimilitude), grammar n' spelling, things that smell good, tents (PITCHING ONE AT LEAST AM I RIGHT HAHAH!!!), people who don't give a rat's ass, structures made of glass, reading lots and lots of books, complicated dinners, treehouses, yarn creatures, Halloween, Dia de los Muertos, things that are "en flambe" or "en croute," loteria, figuring out a way to sneak into someone else's room when you're being supervised, improv improv improv, guinea pigs, hanging unexpected objects from the ceiling, red wine, restaurants that are very dimly lit, travel guides, going to Canada unexpectedly in the middle of the night, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, treehouses, elaborate craft projects which never get finished, libraries, Mexico, making stupid faces in pictures, Betty Crocker Bake-n-Fill, being plucky, mariachis, riding all the scariest rides at the amusement park except that one that spins you round and round and then the bottom drops out, unexpected admissions of guilt, being outside in the snow when it's dark, the accordion, taking pictures of someone teabagging someone else when they're sleeping, taking pictures of me and someone else at arm's length over and over till i can manage to get both our faces in the picture (i have a big face), re-saying things I just said but this time in a Creepy Southern Voice, being a Boar Expert, tying sheets together and escaping out the window, finding the winnie the pooh plastic smelling toy tunnel that i had when i was very young, having a super pointy chin, music in minor keys, the old "pat n' stay." subtitles. My gorgeous wife. (Just kidding, I divorced her after realizing I'm not gay, BIG OOPS! We laugh about it now, though) | | Music | children's plastic piano tinkly sounds, the sound that comes out of my banana-shaped harmonica | | Movies | Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, The Lion in Winter, The Cement Garden, Triplets of Belleville, Sunset Boulevard, Bottle Rocket, Strictly Ballroom, The City of Lost Children, The Royal Tenenbaums, Napoleon Dynamite, Wet Hot American Summer, anything by John Waters, anything by Wes Anderson, anything by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, anything by Almodovar
also, hi:
 | | Television | Freaks and Geeks, Six Feet Under, The Office (BBC), League of Gentlemen (BBC), Arrested Development, Strangers With Candy, Dexter. | | Books | Anything by George Saunders but especially CivilWarLand in Bad Decline. The mysterious and awesome Thomas Pynchon. White Teeth, Cruddy, Running with Scissors, Gone With the Wind, A Prayer for Owen Meany, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, cookbooks, travel books, anything that's NOT either a) "chick lit" or b) written by Dave Eggers. Man, I hate Dave Eggers. | | Heroes | Bill Murray, Catherine O'Hara, Madeleine Kahn, Tom Stoppard, that kid from Canada who ran and ran and ran and then died
John Waters
Beth Ditto 
Amy Sedaris
Claes Oldenburg 
Dolly Effin' Parton
RFK, the underrated brother
Marcel Duchamp
Leslie Hall
Cassandro, Queen of the Lucha Libre Ring
Werner Herzog |
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Accordion Enthusiasts, Spread the Word - Choroideremia, NOW IS THE TIME FOR YELLING, Improv Olympic West, UCBTLA, LeeboZeebo Fan Club, Sea Captains Unite, YesANDers
View All Zabeth's Groups
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Zabeth's Details
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| Status: | In a Relationship | | Here for: | Networking, Friends | | Hometown: | Mooresville, Indiana | | Body type: | 5' 6" | | Religion: | Other | | Zodiac Sign: | Aquarius | | Education: | College graduate | | Occupation: | sea captain |
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Zabeth's Schools
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Hanover College
Hanover,Indiana
Graduated: 1998
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: Theatre/English
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1994 to 1998 |
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Zabeth's Companies
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Ragtag Band of Misfits
US
Chunky Wisecracking Girl With Heart of Gold
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1977-present
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Slut Jail
Boner Towne, US
Big Mama With the Sauce
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like, always
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Zabeth's Latest Blog Entry
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5 Ways to Lose a Man FAST!!!
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I am tired of people who are scared of clowns.
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a highly relevant IM conversation addressing what is on all our minds.
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i got interviewed on the interweb.
(view more)
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things were much different inside my space pod
(view more)
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| [View All Blog Entries] |
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Zabeth's Blurbs |
About me:
I'm not gonna lie to you motherfuckers.
I'm a sea captain.
I was born to navigate the seas. Dig?
Any other sea captains out there? Just wondering.
Anyone who doesn't GET the life of a sea captain isn't someone I'm gonna get along with.
I wake up in the morning, I brief my crew, I survey the seas, and I navigate. You know? I get sea shit DONE.
That's what I'm about.
Sea captaining. Hoisting the mainsail. And swabbing the deck. IF that's what's required. If not, though, I'll just captain. Whatever it takes, man.
If you're not down with that - if you're not the type of guy who's married to the sea, if you're not the type of guy who gets all rum-drunk with his scruffy crewmates and laments the life of a seafaring dude (I'll never love a woman as much as I love the sea, I'd better get comfortable with the idea of spending eternity in Davy Jones's locker, ET AL) then we're probably not gonna have much in common. No offense.
But if you KNOW what I'm talking about, and you FEEL ME, and you've never lost your sea legs, then seriously, give me a SHOUT OUT!
SEA CAPTAINS 4-EVER!!!!!
Also, I know this generally goes without saying, but NO FATTIES! Right??!! I'm a sea captain, not CAPTAIN AHAB! Yeah! HIGH FIVE!
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Who I'd like to meet:
Other captains. Preferably sea captains. But you can also be another kind of captain, I guess. Like, of a lacrosse team, or "of industry."
LET'S NETWORK!!!
click here to go to my improv team's website:
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| Zabeth's Friend Space (Top 18) |
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