I need more people in my life who are capable of having a conversation.
I take everything personally... but I usually take it as a joke. Sometimes I feel like this world is set up just to mock me. It's not always nice about it either.
I love people ... no really! I just hate the way a lot of them behave.
Music.... I hear it constantly whether it's playing or not. My thoughts seem to take on rhythm and repetition in harmony with whatever song is playing in the back of my mind.. or maybe it's the other way around. It drives me, consoles me, mocks me , speaks to me, and for me. When I am upset , the first thing I do is seek new music, or the music playing in my mind. It always helps.
When I get upset I either don't talk at all, or I just spew out whatever I am thinking and feeling whether it makes any sense or not.
I chronically feel alone... but I seek solitude when I find myself in a crowd.
I need to feel important to the people who are important to me. ... unfortunately I hold double standards in regard to this subject. Some people have earned the right to ignore me for long periods of time... others have not.
I see the chaotic extremes people go to , and it scares the crap out of me. ... It scares me even more that many people don't know what I am talking about.
I love romance, and believe in true love. I've been told by many that it doesn't exist. ... I won't take that for an answer.
Seriously though... I'm not ready for love... unless it's ready for me.
Communication is important to me . I need companions I can talk to openly and honestly. people who are not afraid to hurt me or be hurt by me.
I don't like secrets. I rarely keep them... If I do , they usually belong to someone else. If you tell me something, I may tell someone else... not because I'm a gossip, but because I don't like secrets. So if you don't want me to share, let me know... If don't see the harm in it, I still might... If I do see the harm in it, and keeping it a secret won't cause any guilt to be placed on me, I will take it to my grave.
I hate violence, anger, jealousy, and apathy. Those things have no place in my world or my mind. If any of those things do enter my mind, I feel violated. And those things have all but destroyed my world.
My mind is a mess. As a general rule I contradict myself. I honestly believe everything I say, and I am well aware that I don't always make sense.
I say "I think" and "I feel" a lot ...because I rarely KNOW anything for certain.
I separate my sentences with dots... to illustrate a long pause... because my thoughts are broken like that. :)
I am not oblivious. If someone is twisting the truth, or taking advantage of me in any way , I will eventually figure it out.
If there is anything else anyone wants to know, please ask me. Like I said, I'm pretty open, and I like to talk to new people. I have already met quite a few really cool people here. I would like to meet more.
