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Zonky Tonk Zydeco is a fun, well-endowed band dedicated to providing their audiences with exhilaratingly hip musical presentations. The joint efforts of this highly entertaining group penetrate a host of infectious rhythmic and melodic sounds stemming from the bowels of Louisiana culture. Fronted by animated accordionist and kinky keyboardist, Jethro Codeine, Zonky Tonk Zydeco incorporates and encourages uninhibited behavior while busting out a breathtaking repertoire.
The five members of Zonky Tonk Zydeco are Jethro Codeine, Mrs. Niffer Kostaruigez-Sippy, Secret Cajun Stan Sippy, The Artist Formerly Known As Professor Weed, and Timmy Tola.
Jethro Codeine (accordion / keys / vocals) – A bastard, Jethro has endured a thorny upbringing. Born sideways in the prickly bushes of Amstel Park, Amsterdam, to a promiscuous peasant prostitute named Polly Prissy Pants, baby Codeine was kidnapped and forced into slavery at the tender age of four. Over the next three decades or so, Jethro was bought and sold frequently by many perverted occupational pirates around the globe. It was during these trying times, mostly working in sweatshops and meat packing factories, that he developed a keen ear and industrious passion for musical substance. Recently, Jethro was emancipated from the brutality of slavery and he moved to Kentwood, Louisiana, where he owned and operated his own exotic dance studio (Jethro Codeine’s Exotic Dance Studio and Drive-Thru Pharmacy and Liquor Store and Po' Boys). A fervent stalker of Kentwood’s most famous celebrity family, the Spears, Codeine has been thrown in jail forty-two times. His favorite food is coconut shrimps.
Mrs. Niffer Kostaruigez-Sippy (washboard / percussion / vocals) – A native of Gueydan, Louisiana, Niffer grew up working concession stands and singing karaoke contests at Gueydan’s legendary Duck Festival. Each year, young Niffer's stage presence and impressive vocal prowess dominated duck festival after duck festival and her fan base swelled exponentially. By the time she hit puberty, she had landed a multi-dollar record deal with infamous local label Huckleberry Swirl. Under contract, she toured and performed at a variety of duck festivals throughout the country. On one particularly chilly August evening in 1997, at the Saratoga Duck Festival in upstate New York, fifteen-year-old Niffer met her beau - a wandering guitar player named Secret Cajun Stan Sippy. Dosed with rohypnol, she impulsively burned her contract, quit her tour, and eloped off into the sunset. For the next ten years, these two lovebirds steadily continued to travel and play music at casinos, flea markets, American Legions, Knights of Columbus, assisted living centers, Chuckie Cheeses, gas stations, bus stations, train stations, airports, strip clubs, and dark alleys. In 2007, Mr. and Mrs. Sippy were somehow recruited by Jethro and Timmy to play in Zonky Tonk Zydeco.
Secret Cajun Stan Sippy (guitar / vocals) – A Canadian citizen, Stan migrated to the States in 1997 (where he kidnapped his wife Niffer at the aforementioned duck festival). Unfortunately, not much about Secret Cajun Stan’s life prior to 1997 is known and he refuses to disclose any detailed biographical information for various legal reasons. However, he has casually mentioned that he was once a garbage man, a Ferris wheel operator, a house painter, a Boy Scout leader (Webelos), a Catholic priest, an I.T. guy, a used car salesman, a nurse, a cab driver, a masseuse, an alcoholic, a heroin addict, a cough syrup addict, a cough drop addict, a monk, Polish, a necrophiliac, an Elvis imitator, a tollbooth money taker person, and a banjo player. Ever since 1997 though, Stan has slouched soberly and faithfully by the side of his wife Mrs. Sippy and they make sure to play paddy cake every morning. In his free time, he designs and maintains several adult websites specializing in exotic costumes and personal ads. Stan’s favorite color is raw sienna.
The Artist Formerly Known As Professor Weed (bass / vocals) – A retired horticulture instructor with decades of reputable scholastic experience teaching at Ridgemont High, Humboldt Community College, Seedsman Academy, Sussex University, Ball State University, Alcarama Security Brigade School For Jews, and The Louisiana Institute of Plant Growing Or Sumpin’ (TLIOPGOS), P. Weed is also a full-blown game show contestant junkie. Since 1976, he claims to have appeared on forty-two broadcast television game shows including Jeopardy, Hollywood Squares, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, $10 Pyramid, The Price Is Wrong (Bitch), Double Dare, Singled Out, Next, Deaf Date, Win Ben Stein’s Virginity, Who Wants Be A Sextillionaire?, Are You Smarter Than A Fifteenth Grader?, and What’s That Bitch Talkin’ About?. Notably, P. Weed has also had a lengthy music career touring the world with Stars And Stripes, the official military band that plays at a plethora of important presidential appearances. Indeed, no doubt, and indubitably, after responding to a personal ad from one of Secret Cajun Stan's websites, Professor Weed found his true life calling as the bass player with Zonky Tonk Zydeco. Weed’s biggest secret: he has webbed toes.
Timmy Tola (drums / vocals) – A former World’s Strongest Man competitor from Eunice, Louisiana, Timmy was forced into an early retirement from W.S.M. events in 1984 after a disastrous Volkswagen lifting accident. Ultimately succumb to double arm amputation, he was equipped with two prosthetic limbs he calls Randy and Larry. In 1986, he stole his first drum kit and began playing them in a band at his church. For the next twenty-years or so, he honed his skills beyond description and would become a leader of several drumming clinics at The Louisiana Drumming School for the Deaf and Blind. It was at one of those clinics in 2005 that Timmy met a special student by the name of Jethro Codeine. They hit it off instantly and for the next two years they would embark on the holy mission of establishing the ravenous musical posse that is Zonky Tonk Zydeco. Timmy applies chap stick to his lips on the hour, every hour.
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