Cretos Filthgrinder--Filthy Leads and Crushin' Guitars
Hulg ElfR.I.P.per--Undead Guitars
Gronk!--Bass guitar & Shamanism
Oog Skullbasher--drums & other bangings Lukacs--Agent of Chaos, Chronicler & Illustrator
You--the fans proselytising the wicked, carrying the war-banner into battle, and crushin' lame music everywhere
Great Gzoroth, Dragon of Fire.
Slayer, Satyricon, Soulfly, Sepultura, Slipknot, System of a Down, Suffocation; Machine Head, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden , Amon Amarth , Black Sabbath, Gary Gygax, Wizards of the Coast, Steve Jackson Games, He-who-shall-not-be-named, Industrial Light and Magic, Peter Jackson, Blizzard Entertainment....
Sounds Like
The aftermath of an Apocalyptic collision of Dungeons & Dragons with Morbid Angel, of World of WarCraft with Slayer!!!
They call me Gruesom Grimp. I am the Chaos Pundit and Manager for A Band of Orcs. If you have not yet heard of A Band of Orcs, methinks that is due to the fact that their meteoric rise has not quite yet exploded into your consciousness. Allow me to remedy this.
I would like to offer you the opportunity to ally yourselves with A Band of Orcs, so that when they usher in the Domination you and yours will be spared. All the rest of puny humanity will perish in fire, blood and oh! so much metal. Wouldn’t you prefer to ride the wave of sonic destruction to superstardom with them, rather than get trampled into the dirt of prosaic human history?
A Short History of the Impending Domination:
In December of 2006, a group of young nerds playing Dungeons & Dragons inadvertently summoned the monstrous oRcs into your realm by rolling dice on a “Random Encounter Table.” Unfortunately for them, they encountered A Band of Orcs, who reacted with all of the inappropriate violence that you might expect from such savage warriors. The oRc’s world changed forever, though, when they heard the demonic sounds of Slayer coming from downstairs. Enchanted with this new form of noise they forced the amateur guitarist they unearthed there to teach them how they could generate such sounds. They spared his life, and he gave them the materials they needed to make metal into magic.
The band spent a few months learning how to play guitar, bass and drums. During this brutal time the rhythm guitarist Hulg ElfR.I.Per experienced a most (un)fortunate electrocution, in a battle over chords fought with lead guitarist Cretos Filthgrinder. Hulg has since been reanimated into an oRc zombie Master of Crushing Rhythms. So it goes.
Studio sorcery began in May 2007, when A Band of Orcs converted and liaised with metal music veterans producer Scott Sargeant and engineer Juan Urteaga to cut their debut EP “WarChiefs of the Apocalypse.” Nary a more savage piece of sorcery-laden death metal has your world ever seen!
On November 23, 2007, heavy metal legend and Iron Maiden front-man Bruce Dickinson played the track “Bring Out Your Dead” on The Bruce Dickinson Rock Show broadcasted on the BBC. Bruce knows brutally fantastic music when he hears it! A Band of Orcs had no label representation, nor were they yet civilized enough to play a single show, but Bruce knew he’d found something transdimensional.
Since then, I, in my role as Chaos Manager, have spent many hours training the oRcs out of their belief that flash photography was a sorcerer’s lightning bolt attack. A few unfortunate photographers’ heads had already rolled beneath the oRcs’ axes, and it was obvious that behavior modification exercises were called for. By 2008, the oRcs were ready for limited interaction with you puny humans.
In May of 2008, another magical opportunity arose. Hollywood producer Courtney Gains (best known as an actor for his role as Malachi in “Children of the Corn” and most recently as Lloyd on the hit show “My Name is Earl”) assembled a fantastic film crew to create the oRcs’ first video, “Into the Maelstrom.” Extremely talented, up-and-coming maestro Jess Bryden stood at the director’s helm, resulting in a CGI extravaganza that set even some ILM animators’ mouths watering (according to the rumors in the aether).
November 2008: Fuse TV chose the “Into the Maelstrom” video to help launch their On-Demand service in November of 2008. Fuse-TV aired it all throughout November –in HD—so you lowly humans could behold the oRcs in all their heavy metal ferocity.
Ø By October (oRctober, as we like to say in oRc ToweR) 2008, A Band of Orcs had been sufficiently domesticated to appear before their human devotees (who are legion). They appeared before the adoring masses on October 18, 2008, with the ballsy Bay Area hardcore legends ArnoCorps. This, their first musical raid on human ear-drums, was followed shortly thereafter by another assault with deathly metal: on October 27, A Band of Orcs performed in San Francisco with metal icons Master.
On January 10th, 2009, A Band of Orcs headlined their first show in Santa Cruz to a ravenous crowd of hometown headbangers, who simply do not get enough metal in these parts. They screamed, head-banged, and moshed in cathartic rage, while their heroes A Band of Orcs administered the metal beatings. Four days later, on January 14th, the oRcs took the stage with metal warriors 3 Inches of Blood in the Santa Cruz Catalyst Atrium to a crowd that sold out a mere 5 minutes after the savages began to beat the war-drums. The club had to turn away droves of additional crest-fallen metal-heads and others who desired to be enslaved by the Domination. The harbingers of interdimensional metal, A Band of Orcs, have arrived.
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ORCS! check out a new band I'm doing vocals for www.myspace.com/oneflewwestftw hope to be slaughtering crowds with you Orcs soon, ADD the band and tell me what you think.
The July blog is up!!! Maybe you should go read it...
This months blog features reviews of:
Arsonists Get All The Girls - Hits From The Bow (Reissue) Autumns Eyes - Surrender The Fire Battlelore - The Last Alliance Callisto - Providence Cyclotron - Into A Subconscious Surreallity Darkness Before Dawn - Post Mortem Deeply Confused - Isolated Drown My Day - One Step Away From Silence Harbinjer - Allegory Of The Cave Lorene Drive - Out Alive Mad City Rockers - Black Celebration O.S.I. - Blood Premunition - Call Of Vengeance Rebels Without Applause - Low End Head Stomp Striker - Road Warrior The Seven Gates - Angel Of Suffering ((Thorlock)) - ((Thorlock)) Tim “Ripper” Owens - Play My Game
And an interview with Nuno of Adrenicide!
And, as always:
Would you like some *good publicity that's easy, quick, and free? Then send your Demos/EPs/LPs/Vinyl/PROMO MATERIAL (We don't care how old it is, we will review anything! We'll even wear/pimp your merch!) for review to:
E-MetalSpace C/O Echidna 4807 SE Boardman Ave Apt 4 Milwaukie, OR 97267
, Satyricon, Soulfly, Sepultura, Slipknot, System of a Down, Suffocation; Machine Head, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden 
, Amon Amarth 
, Black Sabbath, Gary Gygax, Wizards of the Coast, Steve Jackson Games, He-who-shall-not-be-named, Industrial Light and Magic, Peter Jackson, Blizzard Entertainment....
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