Great Gzoroth, Dragon of Fire.
Slayer, Satyricon, Soulfly, Sepultura, Slipknot, System of a Down, Suffocation; Machine Head, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden , Amon Amarth , Black Sabbath, Gary Gygax, Wizards of the Coast, Steve Jackson Games, He-who-shall-not-be-named, Industrial Light and Magic, Peter Jackson, Blizzard Entertainment....
Sounds Like
The aftermath of an Apocalyptic collision of Dungeons & Dragons with Morbid Angel, of World of WarCraft with Slayer!!!
They call me Gruesom Grimp. I am the Chaos Pundit and Manager for A Band of Orcs. If you have not yet heard of A Band of Orcs, methinks that is due to the fact that their meteoric rise has not quite yet exploded into your consciousness. Allow me to remedy this.
I would like to offer you the opportunity to ally yourselves with A Band of Orcs, so that when they usher in the Domination you and yours will be spared. All the rest of puny humanity will perish in fire, blood and oh! so much metal. Wouldn’t you prefer to ride the wave of sonic destruction to superstardom with them, rather than get trampled into the dirt of prosaic human history?
A Short History of the Impending Domination:
In December of 2006, a group of young nerds playing Dungeons & Dragons inadvertently summoned the monstrous oRcs into your realm by rolling dice on a “Random Encounter Table.” Unfortunately for them, they encountered A Band of Orcs, who reacted with all of the inappropriate violence that you might expect from such savage warriors. The oRc’s world changed forever, though, when they heard the demonic sounds of Slayer coming from downstairs. Enchanted with this new form of noise they forced the amateur guitarist they unearthed there to teach them how they could generate such sounds. They spared his life, and he gave them the materials they needed to make metal into magic.
The band spent a few months learning how to play guitar, bass and drums. During this brutal time the rhythm guitarist Hulg ElfR.I.Per experienced a most (un)fortunate electrocution, in a battle over chords fought with lead guitarist Cretos Filthgrinder. Hulg has since been reanimated into an oRc zombie Master of Crushing Rhythms. So it goes.
Studio sorcery began in May 2007, when A Band of Orcs converted and liaised with metal music veterans producer Scott Sargeant and engineer Juan Urteaga to cut their debut EP “WarChiefs of the Apocalypse.” Nary a more savage piece of sorcery-laden death metal has your world ever seen!
On November 23, 2007, heavy metal legend and Iron Maiden front-man Bruce Dickinson played the track “Bring Out Your Dead” on The Bruce Dickinson Rock Show broadcasted on the BBC. Bruce knows brutally fantastic music when he hears it! A Band of Orcs had no label representation, nor were they yet civilized enough to play a single show, but Bruce knew he’d found something transdimensional.
Since then, I, in my role as Chaos Manager, have spent many hours training the oRcs out of their belief that flash photography was a sorcerer’s lightning bolt attack. A few unfortunate photographers’ heads had already rolled beneath the oRcs’ axes, and it was obvious that behavior modification exercises were called for. By 2008, the oRcs were ready for limited interaction with you puny humans.
In May of 2008, another magical opportunity arose. Hollywood producer Courtney Gains (best known as an actor for his role as Malachi in “Children of the Corn” and most recently as Lloyd on the hit show “My Name is Earl”) assembled a fantastic film crew to create the oRcs’ first video, “Into the Maelstrom.” Extremely talented, up-and-coming maestro Jess Bryden stood at the director’s helm, resulting in a CGI extravaganza that set even some ILM animators’ mouths watering (according to the rumors in the aether).
November 2008: Fuse TV chose the “Into the Maelstrom” video to help launch their On-Demand service in November of 2008. Fuse-TV aired it all throughout November –in HD—so you lowly humans could behold the oRcs in all their heavy metal ferocity.
Ø By October (oRctober, as we like to say in oRc ToweR) 2008, A Band of Orcs had been sufficiently domesticated to appear before their human devotees (who are legion). They appeared before the adoring masses on October 18, 2008, with the ballsy Bay Area hardcore legends ArnoCorps. This, their first musical raid on human ear-drums, was followed shortly thereafter by another assault with deathly metal: on October 27, A Band of Orcs performed in San Francisco with metal icons Master.
On January 10th, 2009, A Band of Orcs headlined their first show in Santa Cruz to a ravenous crowd of hometown headbangers, who simply do not get enough metal in these parts. They screamed, head-banged, and moshed in cathartic rage, while their heroes A Band of Orcs administered the metal beatings. Four days later, on January 14th, the oRcs took the stage with metal warriors 3 Inches of Blood in the Santa Cruz Catalyst Atrium to a crowd that sold out a mere 5 minutes after the savages began to beat the war-drums. The club had to turn away droves of additional crest-fallen metal-heads and others who desired to be enslaved by the Domination. The harbingers of interdimensional metal, A Band of Orcs, have arrived.
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Don't fuck'n spare me!!! Kill me in the most painfull way!!!! or I'll set my rabid feral Wombats on ya arse Get a Wombat up ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah! The Satanism.I did not create it. I do not call myself a satanist. I do not preach it.I'm just called satanist by the church and mosque zealots, so sure ok, I'm a satanist. Satan was never a bad guy, he is no different than me or you. Flawed. Created without permission. Satan does not exist anyways. He is a fictional character. The wise lied to the dumb masses and told them that a fallen angel was responsible for all of the sin in the world and nothing is their own fault. WHEW! And I thought god was really going to make me pay for killing that rabbit myself and eating it. =This is what I think. I did not make myself. So right off that let's me know that i am not in control. Sir Isaac Newton taught me physics. I love physics, they never lie cheat or steal. There is my perfect god right there. MY physical environment. It teaches me to not burn myself, drown myself, fall from a high place, drive too fast, eat the wrong thing, etc. The Earth and this atmosphere hold me close like a mother. If you stray to far up, no air to breath. Go to far down into the earth, you will burn. Stay with our mother earth flat footed and firmly in place. Move and turn and spin around the sun at her speed. Don't drive 300kph into a tree. Our mother hates it when you try to exceed the limits of the physical environment. Most often times she will will kill her own son and daughter in order to teach her other children what not to do. That's what I learned one day when I tried to do CPR on a stupid kid that fell from a high place he should not have been. I could not do the CPR on him because he had only half a skull left. God is defineitley out side of us. God is all around us below us and above us. Rocks trees grass wind air space light heat cold and, my least favorite, fuckin' gravity. The more I do as she says, the safer and happier I am. but what the fuck do i know? i'm a goddamn satanist.
aaaawwwwwwww shit!! im chillin here w/ fam from pacifica. i was gonna go too. tell him i said what up and we'll be seein him soon for the great clayton jenkem sleep over. lololol!
I understand that there is fighting between genres of metal, the musicians, and it's fans. It makes the scene interesting to watch from here. I will throw in my opinion now. I don't care what your music influence is or what you call yourself. All you have to do is pick up that guitar, turn up the volume, and fuckin' bring it! You don't even have to be good at it. Just give me some fucking volume and sincerity. Those who fight about who is real black metal and who is not, I think they are thinking about it too much. It's music, a recreational activity, not goddamn nuclear war or climate change. Those who listen to loud guitars should not put down or criticize others who also listen to loud guitars. There are so few of us in this world that we need each other. I thought we all agreed that there is no gOD outside and above us. That leaves only us, and we HAVE to look out for ourselves and each other. The Christians, Jews, and Muslims would kill us all if they had their way. Let's thank Lucifer and the Lords of Kobol that those goddamn monotheists are distracted with each other and pay us no attention. To be a Satanist or Pagan of any kind right now is a fucking luxury. Enjoy it and turn your volume knob up to eleven.
...and on the seventh day gOD rested, while all of creation thrust heavy metal Satan fingers into the air and banged their heads in unison.
, Satyricon, Soulfly, Sepultura, Slipknot, System of a Down, Suffocation; Machine Head, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden 
, Amon Amarth 
, Black Sabbath, Gary Gygax, Wizards of the Coast, Steve Jackson Games, He-who-shall-not-be-named, Industrial Light and Magic, Peter Jackson, Blizzard Entertainment....
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