This band will change the prescription on your eyeglasses here's how: When Asylum was a young boy growing up on a farm in rural Montana, she learned quickly the ways of the master astronomers. Unable to find anything else to do after milking the cows, Asylum spent the rest of the day building telescope after telescope. He often cut his hands while making them in the shed but when he did his dad slapped him and told him to stop crying. This led to the release of Asylum's first (major) album, "Claimed by the Decadent Sea-Pigs," which garnered rave reviews from A. O. Scott and foretold of a new age of excellent telepathy. Many critics, upon hearing these prophecies, fled to the Baja Peninsula. This is what they saw: "We saw wave upon wave of giant typewriters, all simultaneously writing the Chronicles of Narnia. The ocean was black with ink and even the most seasoned seafarer could not discern ink from land. Salmon rained from the sky and it was all we could do to keep our shoes on. The weakest among us fainted early and often to the sound of 18 church bells tolling. Our leader, Walty Parnalwame, spake: 'My fellow critics, leave this land of crickets and tell your tale far and wide. Never again shall the Beasts of the Plain wear the seal of my father!' This was the last we heard of Walty. Immediately thereafter he downloaded the first season of Cheaters and an extended version of Meet the Parents. We watched his face pale, his eyes water, his mouth widen. He then joined a biker gang." As Asylum grew older, her feats became known worldwide. A well-known Yale alumnus living on St. Helena was able to contact Asylum by way of cars-from-the-future. This marked the beginning of one of the most formidable Yahtzee partnerships in the South Atlantic. Basing their operations in Buenos Aires, Asylum and Lyle (as he was known to those closest to him) sent promotional materials to Alaska three times a day. The enormous cost of this venture caused Lyle to roam the streets on Tuesday nights, shouting "IT WAS A TURN OF PHRASE, IT WAS A MAGNUM OPUS, PORPOISE!" This would become the name of their first child. The year was 1914, and it was hot enough to roast a lizard on ice. With nothing more than two six packs of Crystal Clear Pepsi, Asylum opened up his first (and only) designer fashion store. It was there that he wrote his finest verse by candlelight, weeping. In the night it was cold and Asylum could hear the coyotes howl over the plains and it was this that reminded him of her childhood in Montana when the moon was high in the night sky and the grass whispered its secrets to the ground and the wind blew the walls of the shed closer, farther, closer still. It was a cleansing period, without the light but with her vacuum cleaner. In those days it was difficult for one to keep written text from animating itself and Asylum's works soon rose and turned themselves into respectable gentlemen who courted nice ladies and were never late to tennis practice. Of course, this posed three problems for Asylum: 1) she couldn't drive to Lisbon from Buenos Aires, 2) the milk spoiled, and 3) where's Waldo. These problems proved to be of great importance to a wise old man living in Seattle. He faxed over his blueprints for the space machine, which would (in secret) make high-pressure bamboo shopping a much quicker, sophisticated art. It was Richard Dawkins who first saw the merit in this process, and turned to Asylum in order to ask for help. Dawkins was unaware that the man from Seattle was a black belt in two languages. This proved of little consequence, as Dawkins at that time knew how to Fold himself over. When nobody called out to request Asylum's superior snowboarding sponsorship abilities, the world moaned. Never far from the birth of a new trend, Asylum began to hone her snowmobile skills, and enrolled in the Restaurant Management School of Troy, New York. It was there that he met pro skateboarder Marshall Yordish, with whom he would collaborate for years to come. Marshall and Asylum soon became business partners and founded a chain of restaurants named The Polio Vaccine. The Polio Vaccine was mildly successful in Troy, but somehow became the entire city of Austin, Texas after a customer there discovered diamonds and an alien lifeform while eating one of The Polio Vaccine's trademark Mint Sandwich Pies. After the U. S. Navy retaliated, The Polio Vaccine was contained to a small island off the coast off Maine. Some say you can still hear it there on a cool autumn night after the lightning bugs have gone to sleep. Asylum, however, was unintimidated. Having just invested 10,000 Canadian dollars in a moderately-sized llama farm, she began to read through the ancient teachings of Chris Van Allsburg. Finding inspiration in "Mouse, Timid," Van Allsburg's 1941 collaboration with Jay-Z, Asylum was able to rescue 45 of the 46 missing quails and became a local hero (for a more in-depth account of this particular feat, consult "The Railroad Was My Road Home" by Pord Maswell). After this and a brief stint in the United Dairy Farmer's Army, Asylum was back on the road, touring her groundbreaking album of children's songs, "Mom, There's Some Excellent Fishing To Be Had On This River Bank." Very briefly, this lasted. He then made a bet with Sir William Penningsworth that he would be the first person to climb out of the well at Ol' Telly's farm. Asylum having succeeded, Penningsworth failed to pay up on his side of the bet (to this day, he owes Asylum 67 exotic birds and $2). Asylum decided that it was time she started a family of her own, and adopted 4 grandkids. This displeased the small town of Ungsberg, Virginia, and a small civil war was afoot. Historians of this war (called the War of the Wayward Pooridge) group the war's battles into five main categories: The Mighty, Gilligan's Island, Lesser Conflicts, Stains & Removals, and Tigers of Asia. Within each of these categories were two sub-categories. A topic of dispute among scholars, these sub-categories were often mispronounced by public speakers and preachers. In short, Asylum had triumphed. The day was his. Following a period of inactivity (1934-1562), Asylum rose to even greater heights as a sales representative for Oyland & Sons homemade soaps. She would never again be out of the public eye. Under such constant scrutiny, Asylum was able to initiate many much-needed social reforms and, in doing so, eliminated poverty and cafeterias in the Southern Hemisphere.
No shit... it's Dan! I had no idea that you were on myspace. You hunk! Your very detailed blog comment makes more sense, now I know that it came from you! I'd love to talk with you more. With my blog in mind, what is a good, more beginner level, philosophy book for me to read?
are you experiencing the deadliest sin of all?.....Envy ?
uhohhh biddy snap!!!ohhhhhhhh!!
slam dunk!!! uh ohh!!!
I stole this from the lines beneath the lines you my my commented on my my comment space.... same author jus faded.....uh ohh!!!! no way!!!! ohhhh fashion..... popularity,.... get noticed... wear loud patterns... be loud... be noticed.... draw attention to yourself by throwing others hard looks. no way!!ohhhhhhh. '
d00d. i can't believe i read that whole crazy description of asylum. at least there was a cool soundtrack while i did. she seems like a pretty messed up dude-bra.
yours has been a strange and terrible journey, but here you are, and here we are, sitting across from one another. i want to hear all about it, but first i want to tell you about an instance in which i needed $27 to get a hotel room. that was on march 29 1981 and as a direct result of my squeamishness and refusal to pistol-whip a 75-yr-old grandmother of 19 ronald reagan nearly lost his life to john hinckley, jr., begotten by john hinckley the 1st of vanderbilt energy, whose continually rising profits would not be so had i exercised the universal human ability to tap into the cosmic pool of pre-modern courage and cudgel the enfeebled on that day, 26 years, 4 months and 30 days ago.
It's like this: Asylum LOVES the meatway, but has trouble maintaining The Way. One would hope that there there would be a way in, but sadly it looks like there are too many ways out. Or, to elevate the discourse: pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants. pants.
