YOU ARE GETTING OLDER IF :
1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp
2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub
5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your playlist
6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie
7. You lost the directions to the gig
8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings
9. You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage
10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
11. The waitress is your daughter
12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers
13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats
14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case
15. You refuse to play without earplugs
16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30
17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig
18. Your gig stool has a back
19. You're related to at least one member in the band
20. You don't let any one sit in
21. You need a nap before the gig
22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lay down
24. You prefer a music stand with a light
25. You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon
26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....
27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool factor.
28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar 'cause they're younger than your daughter.
29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location ...
30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you worked 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it.
MUSICAL ADVICE & INSIGHT
(blues & rock'n roll only)-
*Never start a trio with a married couple.
* Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the
dictionary.
* No one cares who you've opened for.
* A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important".
* If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to
break up.
* When you talk on stage you are never funny.
* If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with
their music ("Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?")
* Asking a crowd 'how they're doing' is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.
* Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the Austin Music Network.
* When you sign to a major label, don't claim to have inked the best contract
ever, mention "artistic freedom" or "a guaranteed 3 record deal".
* When you get dropped, don't insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
* Never name a song after your band.
* Never name your band after a song.
* When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them,
begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.
* Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser.
* Learn to recognize scary word pairings: "rock opera", "white rapper","blues jam", "swing band", "open mike",
* Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
* Listen, either break it to your parents or we will: it's rock 'n' roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.
* It's not a "showcase". It's a gig that doesn't pay.
* No one cares that you have a web site.
* Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
* Don't hire a publicist.
* Playing in San Marcos & Alpine doesn't mean you're on tour.
* Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band.
* Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
* Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends are for.
* If you use a smoke machine your music sucks.
* We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got you for Christmas.
* Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
* If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
* Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
* Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
* Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
* Rock oxymorons; "major label interest", "demo deal"," blues genius", "$500 guarantee", and "Fastball's secondhit".
* 3 things that are never coming back:
a) gongs,
b) headbands, and
c) playing slide guitar with a beer bottle
Hi, just wanted to let you know we are excited that our songs are now on I-Tunes, Rhapsody,E-Music, Amazon, and Napster for .99 cent downloads. Much love to you, and thanks for listening and hanging with us on myspace! anne-marie and green bracelet
Hello Code Blue, Loved your advice column while enjoying the tunes as well. Hope you are doing well. Blues Detour is now 'live' and taking artist CD submissions. Please check us out and we'll save some shelf space for ya' ;)
Don't miss the Xtra Medium Habitat for Humanity Benefit Show this Wed at Smith's Olde Bar!
When: Wednesday Mar 12, 2008 at 7:30 PM
Where: Smith’s Olde Bar 1580 Piedmont Ave Atlanta, GA 30324
Xtra Medium is covering all of your favorite bands at Smith's Olde Bar Habitat for Humanity Benefit March 12th. All proceeds will go towards this very important foundation.
Please go to www.XtraMediumBand.com for more information or to purchase tickets. This show is expected to sell out fairly quickly, so please hurry if you want to attend this night to remember!
Please dont stop playin...ever. ya'lls music is the way he will talk to us. He was very greatful for the band and friends he had. He appreciated everything all of you did for him. I love every single thing ya'll have done for me. Not every kid gets to grow up livin the band life, all of u are a part of my family and my Pops and I will always love you for that.
Hey...Potluck Momma aka Kimmy Sue Ruby Lou aka "she ain't right, but she ain't wrong" enjoyed the music at Maddy's Tuesday night...I'll be back for sure...good stuff, inside and out!
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