I wish I could fly:
My Life Story
My path to literary stardom has been a struggle from birth. I was the 19th child in a family of 20 children. Due to my withered arm, my family abandoned me in the wild cherry orchards of Sunnyvale, California, where I lived off of nothing but overripe cherries and raw squirrel meat. The cherry juice permanently stained my face. People keep calling it a strawberry mark, but I say, "Hey, you eat what you want, and I'll eat what I want."
At the age of 20, I sold a kidney and bought a computer. Due to my withered limb I had to add key extenders to half of the keyboard in order to type. I wrote 38 novels and 647 spec scripts.
Around this time, a woman with three fat children in her cart ran over both my feet in a WalMart, crushing all my toes but one, the small toe on my left foot. I wrote a screenplay about it, which was stolen and rewritten. Only the title remained. I never saw a cent.
I tried to send out my manuscripts to publishers, but they kept getting intercepted by some insane stalker who left the same irritating note in my mailbox, over and over. They all started, "Dear Writer..."
I had to burn all my remaining manuscripts to keep warm through the harsh California winters until only EVE remained, so I became a prostitute in order to raise the money to self-publish it.
I'm hoping to make enough money from EVE to get silicone toe implants and a butt lift.
This is all true, cross my heart transplant.
HMM... YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT? OKAY, TRY THIS ONE:
Although I had specified single child, Nob Hill, and substantial wealth on my pre-birth application, I was flabbergasted to discover that I'd been born into a raucous, middle-class household of seven rival offspring living amongst the cherry orchards of Sunnyvale, California.
To avoid drowning in that sibling sea, I cultivated my creative talents: looking innocent to my parents while smirking at my brothers, deflecting blame for all things broken, and most of all, inventive storytelling. These gifts served me well during my schooling at CalARTS and later employment as an animator, designer, and story artist in the sweatshops of Hollywood.
After twenty years of telling their stories, I resolved to tell one of my own. My novel, EVE is the result.
Here's what Gary K. Wolf, author and creator of Roger Rabbit had to say about EVE:
"This book is a hoot and a half! The story is multi-layered, funny, socially relevant, and engrossing. The wonderfully fanciful cast of characters would be right at home living in Toontown. EVE explores unique and interesting themes. Many years from now, I believe EVE will take its rightful place in the library of modern science fiction classics.
Check out the website www.evethenovel.com for details and convenient vendor links. Here's a preview of what you'll find there.
Come see them all!
