Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602 on MySpace Comedy

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Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602

		CALL ME AT (917) 267-2602. THIS IS REAL, NO SCAM. I LISTEN TO FAN MESSAGES, RANDOMLY CALLING BACK Male 40 years old NEW YORK, NY United States Last Login: 7/10/2009
Mood: apathetic
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Contacting Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602

MySpace URL:

www.myspace.com/jimnorton

Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602's Comedian Bio

Influences	Pete Best, Gary Glitter, Pete Townsend, Jerry Lee Lewis, John Wayne Gacy, Paul Rodriguez, Ru Paul and Colin Quinn
TV Shows	Down and Dirty with Jim Norton, HBO One Night Stand, Lucky Louie (HBO), The Tonight Show (6 appearances), The Late Show With David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn (2 seasons), Chelsea Lately (2 appearances), Last Call with Carson Daily (2 appearances), Last Comic Standing, a pilot with VH1 that failed miserably along with about 5 MTV pilots that went into the toilet.
Films	Boogie Nights (I played Dirk Diggler's prosthetic in the last scene), Godfather 2 (Myself), Spider-Man (Title role), Hulk (tank driver number 4), A Very Brady Reunion (State trooper who arrests dear old dad for drilling a hole in the side of a Port-A-Potty), Walk The Line (June Carter Cash) and The Poseiden Adventure (uncredited cameo as Shelly Winter's tampon)

Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602's Interests

Music	The Robert Reed 'Robe Pocket Full of Tissues' Commemerative Christmas album and anything by Marvin Gaye after 1984
Television	Joey, Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi's Funniest Home Videos
Books	Chicken Soup For the Prostate and How To Get Rich With Capped Teeth and a Wig by Tony Robbins

Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602's Details

Status:	Single
Orientation:	Straight
Body type:	5' 7"
Zodiac Sign:	Cancer
Occupation:	Sodomite

Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602's Clips

[View All Clips]

Clips: 10

Total Plays: 343001

Plays Today: 16

I Hate Your Guts

Run Time: 68

Plays: 18311
Comments: 99

I Hate Your Guts

Run Time: 0

Plays: 0
Comments: 0

Down and Dirty with Jim Norton

Run Time: 41

Plays: 11926
Comments: 5

JIM NORTON HBO SPECIAL: MONSTER RAIN

Run Time: 45

Plays: 58648
Comments: 84

Jim Norton - Tonight Show 1

Run Time: 277

Plays: 22757
Comments: 24

The Tales Of A Meaty Breasted Zilch - Episode 3

Run Time: 49

Plays: 63969
Comments: 58

The Tales Of A Meaty Breasted Zilch - Episode 2

Run Time: 43

Plays: 47659
Comments: 39

The Tales Of A Meaty-Breasted Zilch

Run Time: 59

Plays: 54065
Comments: 85

Jim Norton - Tonight Show 2

Run Time: 543

Plays: 36735
Comments: 63

Jim Norton - One Night Stand

Run Time: 243

Plays: 28931
Comments: 49

Upcoming Gigs

Jul 17 2009

8:00P

Zanie’s Comedy Club (2 Shows)

Vernon Hills IL

Jul 18 2009

7:30P

Zanie’s Comedy Club (2 Shows)

Vernon Hills IL

Jul 23 2009

8:00P

Punchline Comedy Club

Atlanta GA

Jul 24 2009

8:00P

Punchline Comedy Club (2 Shows)

Atlanta GA

Jul 25 2009

7:00P

Punchline Comedy Club (3 Shows)

Atlanta GA

Jul 31 2009

8:00P

Manhattan Comedy Club (2 Shows)

Middletown NY

Aug 1 2009

8:00P

Manhattan Comedy Club (2 Shows)

Middletown NY

Aug 6 2009

7:00P

Denver Improv

Denver CO

Aug 7 2009

8:00P

Denver Improv (2 Shows)

Denver CO

Aug 8 2009

7:00P

Denver Improv (2 Shows)

Denver CO

Sep 26 2009

8:00P

Wellmont Theatre

Montclair NJ

Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602's Latest Blog Entry [Subscribe to this Blog]

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Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602's Blurbs

About me:

Also available at: Barnes & Noble and Borders

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Jim "The Carrier" Norton
Birthday:	every day LOLOLOLLOL
Birthplace:	dropped unceremoniously onto a bath mat during a coughing fit
Current Location:	closer to a grammar school than allowed by law
Eye Color:	bloody-stool brown
Hair Color:	brown, speckled with thick, cakey dandruff
Height:	tall enough to get on the rides at Coney Island
Right Handed or Left Handed:	tug with my right, bag tickle with my left
Your Heritage:	my Irish great-grandmother was teabagged by a Hun, which by default makes me a silly goose
The Shoes You Wore Today:	patten leather with a buckle, like Shirley Temple used to wear
Your Weakness:	an invalid laying sideways with her mouth open
Your Fears:	that I will be overheard making the Yummy noise glancing at an older gentleman in a rest area men's room
Your Perfect Pizza:	oven crusted with lightly seared placenta, covered with flamingo vomit
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	I'd like to stop needlessly kicking retarded people
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"Your ass looks amazing in those diapers"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	"Who is this strapping Negro?"
Your Best Physical Feature:	my taint
Your Bedtime:	10 minutes after my tranny movies end
Your Most Missed Memory:	being face down in a pillow with whiskey being breathed into my face from the side by my uncle
Pepsi or Coke:	hot dog water
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MEAT IS MURDER!
Single or Group Dates:	I prefer single dates and group scat parties
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	whatever kind Jim Jones drank
Chocolate or Vanilla:	ice cream is for queers
Cappuccino or Coffee:	ice lattes, because they help get the logs moving
Do you Smoke:	only when babysitting
Do you Swear:	yes, I frequently tell people to "buzz off" and "go jump in a lake"
Do you Sing:	I tend to hum Lionel Ritchie songs while I'm being raped
Do you Shower Daily:	I prefer to have dogs lick the sweat off my balls and neck
Have you Been in Love:	never with a girl
Do you want to go to College:	learning is for queers
Do you want to get Married:	yes, to Laci Peterson
Do you believe in yourself:	I didnt until my only Son was crucified by Pontius Pilot
Do you get Motion Sickness:	only when riding fat girls
Do you think you are Attractive:	yes, when compared with burn victims
Are you a Health Freak:	I take my AZT cocktails every day
Do you get along with your Parents:	I did until I killed them for insurance money
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes, because they cause youngsters to huddle under my covers
Do you play an Instrument:	I play spoons and the rape whistle
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no, but I've purchased it for minors
In the past month have you Smoked:	a salmon and some almonds
In the past month have you been on :	cialis
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	do prostitutes count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes, to buy my grandmother an athletic supporter
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	why would I eat a box full of black people who act white?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no, but I store it in my girlfriends underpants
In the past month have you been on Stage:	yes. In Mexico, with a donkey
In the past month have you been Dumped:	yes, on my chest
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	twice in a kiddie pool
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	2 babies and a prosthetic testicle
Ever been Drunk:	one night while driving Billy Martin home
Ever been called a Tease:	a cancer patient once called me that while I dangled morphine over his face
Ever been Beaten up:	on a playground by a group of concerned parents
Ever Shoplifted:	I smuggled a gerbil out of the store without using my hands
How do you want to Die:	I want to be sawed in half while felching Jack Klugman
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Dominican drug lord
What country would you most like to Visit:	Wyoming
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	black and blue
Favourite Hair Color:	golf course green
Short or Long Hair:	chemo whispy
Height:	under 4 feet
Weight:	75 pounds and willing to vomit
Best Clothing Style:	torn off
Number of I have taken:	what in Sam Hill does this question mean?
Number of CDs I own:	3, all Huey Lewis
Number of Piercings:	both nipples,but accidentally
Number of Tattoos:	either a tear drop on the face or cartoon characters on her crotch
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	5,679

Who I'd like to meet:
a retarded girl who can deep throat.

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Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602's Friends Comments

Displaying 25 of 20686 comments ( View All | Add Comment )

icfamilycharacter	Jul 10 2009 6:02 AM The saying is "knee high by the 4th of July"... corn that is... smiles...
VICTOR	Jul 10 2009 4:01 AM Thanx 4 the add !!!
Sucka Choncleta	Jul 10 2009 2:53 AM Check out this bum singing ozzy tunes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nphZX7F_3U0&feature=channel_page
FREERIDER @iTunes, D101 & CD BABY	Jul 9 2009 11:12 PM Hi Jim Norton - Call Jim (917) 267-2602, Todd, Steve & Jeremy from FREERIDER checking in with something a little different for you... We want YOU to select our video song! So simple, even WE can do it! 1) Visit http://freeriderrockband.com ASAP 2) Click on the music palyer to join our fan club. 3) Grab a FREE download TODAY. The most downloaded song by July 15 is our new video song!! Peace & guitars. Your fans, FREERIDER http://freeriderrockband.com
RolllsRoyceGoldie	Jul 9 2009 10:36 PM Check Out My New Hit Single "Treat Me Like My Birthday" Give Me Your Honest Opinion Type in RolllsRoyceGoldie on Youtube and listen. Thanks RolllsRoyceGoldie
Will	Jul 9 2009 9:56 PM You owe some of you're success to Colin Quinn.. You know that Jim, right? Tough Crowd was short lived, but genius.. Also didn't hurt getting the role of you're AWESOME character you played on Lucky Louie(another genius show) that should still be on. Louis CK, probably got you on though. Not knocking you. I will say this, if you get you're own show it's gotta be on Showtime. HBO already fucked over Louie! And best not do the same to you! Sure I'm talking out my ass. But You Nick, Colin, and Rick Shapiro all need to be on a show. By the way MONSTER RAIN was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
T@M@R@ I H@TE DUMB HOE'S	Jul 9 2009 7:00 PM Check out my profile And Let me know Do you like me YES or NO http://www.wholikesu.net/photos/382004.html?b=4&w=46
QUICKEN SPIRIT ™	Jul 9 2009 2:25 AM View my exclusive graphic-art design apparel store online for men and women at www.QuickenSpirit.com. Let me know what you think. Much Love, Peace, and Blessings...
American Navajo	Jul 9 2009 12:34 AM HaPPY BIRTHDAY JIMMY. You Killed today on the show... SEEYA!!
American Navajo	Jul 9 2009 12:34 AM HaPPY BIRTHDAY JIMMY. You Killed today on the show... SEEYA!!
THE OFFICIAL MYSPACE MONKEY ™	Jul 8 2009 10:34 PM Thanks!
~ Codee ~	Jul 8 2009 7:47 PM HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!!! :)
Matty G.	Jul 8 2009 6:27 PM jim, thanks for the add.
Viva La Gino®	Jul 8 2009 5:45 PM looking forward to ZRock sunday!!
Jill	Jul 8 2009 4:35 PM So... Im wondering when the next book will be out seeing as how I live in gay ass massachusetts you know the state that cant afford o&a and apparently you dont do shows here anymore:(
Jill	Jul 8 2009 4:34 PM So... Im wondering when the next book will be out seeing as how I live in gay ass massachusetts you know the state that cant afford o&a and apparently you dont do shows here anymore:(
il padrino	Jul 8 2009 4:07 PM hey shit dick! i ordered a couple of shirts from your site, and my paypal account was charged nearly 3 months ago and i still don't have my merchandise! i emailed denise and she said your fat stupid ass hasn't re-ordered the out of stock items and that's why i don't have my shit. my girl's been bustin my balls for two months now, because her shirt hasn't arrived yet. you wanna get up off lazy ass and order some more you miserable piece of shit? that's bad business, asshole!
Jim Holland	Jul 8 2009 9:34 AM Let me open for you. Hook me up.
josh	Jul 8 2009 7:17 AM Hey, did you get a picture with Patti Ann Browne?
steve ™	Jul 8 2009 1:25 AM 2 shows in denver and nothing in texas. miserably inadequate. and still, i love you. (no homo)
tj	Jul 8 2009 1:18 AM Oh Uncle Paul
Keith	Jul 8 2009 1:07 AM Happy Birthday Jimmy....
Mr Crowley	Jul 7 2009 9:10 PM jimmy u make me laugh!! Ur a silly boy. Hows uncle ted?
Chris	Jul 7 2009 1:47 PM Yimmy , Ozzy RULES. My balls still smell like dirty cunt
Hack Movies presents: Stiff Jobs!	Jul 6 2009 10:25 PM Minons! We're about to release our biggest film yet, CockHammer, on July 17th! You've got 3 great deals to get your paws on this EPIC horror comedy! 1. CockHammer for 12.99 and any other Hack Movie FREE! 2. CockHammer and a Hack Logo T shirt for 19.99! 3. CockHammer and all 4 other Hack Movies for just 29.99! Head over to HackMovies.com and get your deal TODAY! Still not convinced? Check out the decidedly NSFW trailer! http://www.fangoriagorezone.com/features/17-spotlight/69-gorezone-exclusive-cockhammer-trailer-debut

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