Snowskiiing, pork, extensive peering, thinking sexy thoughts, foreign films, cold showers and wiener roasts!
Music
Marching band music, and that angry death metal rock and roll stuff. Oh! And those Jack-in-the-box toys at the store! I could listen to that cute little tune forever.... but then "POP!" Oh, I run screaming out of the toy department every time! That happens to you too, right? I know it's not crazy. It's MADE to scare people like that! I know that for a fact. I looked it up on Google.
Kill it! Pick it up over your head and throw it off the goddamn fire escape! It's fucking evil and turning your brain to mush! And if you're invited into someone else's home don't even hesitate. The second you step foot through their front door run at the television and bodyslam that mother fuckin thing! It killed your grandparents! It's eating your children alive! It fell on your pet! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! Unless you're just using it to watch DVD's or IFC. Then nevermind.
Books
Do magazines count as books? Like, magazines with mostly articles? I read the articles in magazines. That should count as books, right? Okay, magazines. Lots of them. Like, I got a trunk full of them. Specific names? Let's just say they're... mature people magazines, with articles. Some pictures. Okay, mostly pictures. All right. You broke me. Porn. It's porn magazines. I call 'em books.
About me:
Hello, my name is Bob, and I've given myself the title of "Normal Bob" so as not to disrupt or unsettle anyone upon first meeting me. However, I've found that this maneuver has instead accomplished almost the exact opposite! I get messages on Myspace and emails every day saying things like "You're not NORMAL!" and "You should change your name to ABnormal Bob Smith, you creep!" and all sorts of otherthings of that nature. People really seem to be bothered by me! If you'd like to read some of these letters you can go read my HATE MAIL section. There's hundreds of pages of these sorts of letters. They hate the games I've made, the way I look, and even the way I designed my site! I've gotten letters from relatives, pastors, atheists, Marines, ex meth addicts, brothers of nuclear physicists, and even crazy Islamic fundamentalist terrorists! Everyone seriously has some sort of major bug up their ass about me.
I like to keep myself busy with many different hobbies. One of my hobbies is making dressup games of people's gods. Like I made one of Jesus a while back. And there's also one of The Prophet Muhammad. You can see more of the dressup games I've designed in my my portfolio. Another hobby of mine is hangin' out at Union Square Park in New York City and taking pictures of people. There's all sorts of interesting people at Union Square that I think you should know about. Junkies, peepers, skaters, gravers, scenesters, and a mess of others. I write about these people in a section of my website called Amazing Strangers. It's a funny, popular section of my site that people like to visit.
I also draw a comic strip called Satan's Salvation. It's a comic about Satan and Jesus arguing and pullin' pranks on each other. I draw a lot of comics. Another good one I draw is called The Sheeples, and in that one I take actual quotes from my hate mailers and draw a little cartoon for 'em! I know, right?
To make money I do freelance art and I also sell a magnet version of my Jesus Dressup game. They're pretty popular. I've been able to make a good living off of those two things and haven't had a real job with a boss in like 6 years! It's bitchin'.
So, there's a little about me. That's not like SUPER CRAZY abnormal, is it?
"NormalBobSmith.com is a fabulous site. Normal Bob Smith is a beautiful writer and a great artist, and he does the Jesus Dress Up magnets, which I have a set of in my home." Penn Jillette, PennRadio.com, Mar. 28th, 2006
Who I'd like to meet: The Tired Prostitute, Freddy, Cyclops and his panhandling-pigeon-puppet, The No Police State Coalition, and Paul Revere, Bill the Lisping Commi, The Flag-wearing Anarchist, Roman, Dizzy Dez, Gregory Gordon, Dennis the Menace, Jason & Geoffrey Blank, the Cokehead Cop, the Racist Cop, Muscles, The Black Israelites, Peepers, Peepers Jr, Peepers 2, Peepers 3, Peepers 4, Son Of Peepers, Fat Peepers, Fry-cook Peepers, Peep-peep Peepers, Peepers Creepers, the Black Rabbi, Ratface, the Garbage Wiz, the Springtime Graver, the Shirtless Graver, the Everything Graver, the 40 yr Old Graver, Casper, the Undercover Cop, the Birdcall Guy, the Hanson Brothers, the Genius, Graygums, the Dancin' Dweeb, the Mallgrab Scenester, Nick Perdue, Billy Rohen, Psycho Situps, Marly, Sappo, Peanut, Chewy, Little Nino, Shitlocks, Crazy Chico, Hookhand, the Asexual Hacky-sacker, the Childmolesting Hacky-sacker, the Nipples-too-close-together Hacky-sacker, the Authentic NYC Skater, the Starving Artist, Pops, the Shouting "Twentyfive-Cents-to-feed-the-Homeless" Pirate, the Shadow, the Sock Bandit, the Pissing Wino, the 50 Yr Old Teenage Girl, the DJ, the Newspaper Pickup Artist, the Quarter Guy, the Breakdancers and Phillip Thebucket, the Virgin-hole Junkies, the Vomiting Junkie, the Pregnant Junkie, the Arguing Junkies, the Headless Junkie, the Mommy & Daddy Junkies, Junkie with a Hot Ass, the Lifeguard Junkie, the Runaway Junkie, the Garbage-eating Prostitute and her Junkie Pimp, Junkie Dawn, & Restaurant on the Moon?
Also the Dog Molester.
Happy to be apart of your friends again. I'm glad you had a great time at your party. Next time I am sure that I will make it there if you decide to throw another for your 41st Birthday.
I am sorry to be a stranger who asks a favor. I feel that you would be able to contribute very relevant information and perspective on something that I just posted about Gardasil.
I know that it is annoying to get emails from people begging you to read and comment on their writings. I am taking a gamble, hoping that I don't alienate you.
New York, New York US
