sarah withers

About me:

href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3Lm15c3BhY2UuY29tL3BpbmtwdW5rcG9ldA==">Find me on MySpace and be my friend!.. Einstein said [scuse the paraphrasing] that there's no such thing as impossible, only things short of a solution. If I was born thinking anything it was probably that. So...why couldn't I be female? Seemed awful spiteful having my gender forced on me. Still, I had a go Bubba, you better believe I did. I wired up nuclear subs and battleships, was roadie for a punk group [1978]...got paid for delivering performance cars [yeeehah]...was a docker...mechanic in a Harley dealers owned by a member of Hells Angels mc England...worked as muscle to a drug dealer...got paid between one and fifteen grand a night plus percentages...and if that sounds a lot it's because I did scary darn good. Been beaten unconscious by a drunken police inspector...all part of the game in the seventies. Had a girlfriend dive head first out of a third floor window because I said it's none of your business where I've been and if you don't like it you can f off...I expected to find her impaled on the railings below but instead found her clinging to the roof of a bay window...pulled her in by the ankles though the shattered glass...she was unmarked. Had 11 years of that sawn off shotgun, cocaine, Harleys and honeyz lifestyle. Figure I done bloke...done bloke good...all in all better than you bubba san I 'spect. Maybe...maybe so. But it was all too easy...Routines are for machines...theres no routines in dreams...and it's not like I was short of alternative...something from wayback before all this staring-nasty bullshit started. I need challenge. Challenge floats my boat, puts wind in my sails. So...aged 47, I did my about turn. Leaving it that late means I missed out on the early fun but you can't have it both ways eh?. I've no reasonable regrets [other than one life don't seem enough]. The change has been a breeze for me...though a sight more public than I'd have liked thanks to the high profile of my work [discretion was never an option]. Hundreds know I started out bloke. I accept it as reality but you know how it is with the gender police...they actually prefer pretend. I can do pretend...for the right reasons but if you need or insist then I'm gonna refuse...I don't need to be how anyone says I only need to keep it real and like myself...accept what I can't change, change what I can, know how to tell the difference...live with the consequences. To be fair...it's not just the gender police...it's most folks. Change means truth and folks can get awful fidgety in the presence of truth [change...right...truth...it all hurts someone Bubba san]...y’know, most folks aren't actually looking for truth...rather, creating the appearance of looking. That way they get to look good, make and keep friends while keeping the shafting of their pet goat nice and private. I coulda done a Reggie Perrin [turn up someplace else as someone else] but I just dont agree with that level of disruption being expected or considered reasonable. They asked why I don't train to talk female, after all it's free...like free is reason to do things [he was impressed] thoughtless prick...easy, easy...they're told what to understand...get their understanding from books...use the theory to validate the person not the person to validate the theory. Like Dylan said "it aint me babe" I said...I'm a bloke changing gender identity...that's the truth...you think I should be ashamed of that?...I'm not looking to hide in feminine...this is my voice...this is what I sound like. As for the poetry...I get up on stage looking all girly and...start spitting more bloke-ish than not..."presidents with their cocks out getting blown by their squeeze...slobbering slurping secretaries with stains on their LBD's". It's a bang...effective...it aint spoiled by the ambiguity, quite the opposite I'm sure. I've got my ideas on why it's been a breeze...I'm not exactly Mardi Gras outrageous...I'm subtle...and subtles pretty much anonymous...and anonymous is all but invisible...I realise that no fuss means no fun to some...I'm not judging...each to their own yeah. There was a time I had folks relying on my accurate reading of the risk posed by others...which is something that...If you don't have an instinct for...you better learn fast...or else! I don't scare. proper scary folks read that. Respect it. It keeps them honest. I'm not the worst looking tranny you ever saw...hell! I pulled first night out me [I couldn't stop giggling silly cow] Him...straight bloke, straight pub...didn't suss. Mind...later he did struggle looking for a purse I didn't have if you understand what I'm saying...came from the school of "if at first you don't succeed...push harder"...damn near dug his own...ouch! If my aim had been to prove my gender role athleticism I passed already. I'm a semi pro poet, a volunteer in a homeless hostel [art therapist] and I work with the Govt, Westminster Council [and others] and a number of charities as a minorities rep helping set procedures/regulations/responses. I'd have gone full pro as a poet by now if I didn't love my job and didn't have a disability...it doesn't really notice but I bust my neck in '86 crashing a mo'bike at 115mph. Being stubborn I didn't notice for 4 years...not til I started collapsing for no apparent reason. And I might have muscular sclerosis...the relapse/recovery/getting worse kind...I’m waiting on tests. You might be wondering why I'm telling you such stuff...I'm not selling myself very well eh! But the thing is...THE THING IS...If I didn't tell you these things would they show?...no, they wouldn't...no, they don’t. But of course...the first way folk read others is sometimes the only way they read others...physical appearance...looks like a girl it's a girl. That's outside stuff. As for the inside stuff...well, I understand engineering well enough to teach R n D...so if I look girl but talk bloke better than bloke...some feel they've lost their sense of who they are. I've seen blokes look at me in horror...not cos I'm in a skirt but because I corrected them on turbo-chargers. differences beween the sex extremes are not merely if even physical they are just as much behavioural, and that challenges tradition and convention...and those are things they fiercely protect. Pass freely back and forth across the borders and you undermine the very foundations they rely on...the absolutes that allow them to act casual and ignorant and expect to get away with it as a matter of routine. Freedom scares the bejesus out of certain sorts. They forget...it was free thinking took us out of the caves...it’s curiosity for change that seperates us from the animals...variety is ‘the spice of life’...is grounds for interest...is reason to celebrate...is NOT grounds for fear and attack [feckin’ eejits]...I don’t want to live an off the shelf life...I want to pick and choose...I accept nothing...I challenge everything...each to their own. I am a pacifist...tho’ I accept it’s an incomplete philosophy since...you can’t reason with a crocodile...sit!...sit!...bad crocodile...sit...ow...that’s my leg...you can’t...I need....... penned14.01.07/18.06.06/23.05.06 .. body { background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-image: url(none); background-position: center center; background-repeat: repeat; background-attachment: fixed; } table, tr, td { background-color: transparent; border: 0px; } table table { border: 0px; } table table table table{ border:0px; } table table table { border-width: 5px; border-color: rgb(255, 0, 0); border-style: double; background-color: transparent; } table table table td { background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); filter:alpha(100); -moz-opacity:1; opacity:1; -khtml-opacity:1; } table table table table td { filter:none; } body, div, span, td, p, .orangetext15, .whitetext12, .lightbluetext8, strong, b, u, .redtext, .redbtext, .btext, .text, .nametext, .blacktext10, .blacktext12 { font-family: Trebuchet MS; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; } .nametext { padding: 5px; display:block; font-family: Trebuchet MS; font-size: 24px; color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; text-decoration: none; } .whitetext12, .orangetext15 { font-family: Trebuchet MS; font-size: 12px; color: rgb(242, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; text-decoration: none; } a.navbar:link, a.navbar:active, a.navbar:visited, a.navbar:hover, a.man:link, a.man:active, a.man:visited, a.man:hover, a, a:link, a:active, a:visited, a:hover, a.navbar:link, a.navbar:active, a.navbar:visited, a.navbar:hover, a.text:link, a.text:active, a.text:visited, a.text:hover, a.searchlinksmall:link, a.searchlinksmall:active, a.searchlinksmall:visited, a.searchlinksmall:hover, a.redlink:link, a.redlink:active, a.redlink:visited, a.redlink:hover { color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; text-decoration: none; } a.navbar:hover, a.man:hover, a:hover { color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; text-decoration: none; } .. ...hov:hover{background-color:yellow}.. .. a .text { font-weight: bold; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; } .. ....I edited my profile at Doobix.com
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