THE BOG
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"www.thebogscranton.com"
Male
101 years old
SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA
United States
Last Login:8/18/2008
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THE BOG's Interests
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| General | READ THIS!!!!!!!!
THE GOSPEL!
A Bartenders Favorite...
"can i get a lemon drop, a buttery nipple,aprarie fire...."
Someone once pointed out to me the fact that there seems to be a micro-economy in
the service industry. Restaurant workers take their tip money out to bars and
clubs at night and give it to the bartenders, who promptly return it to the waiters
and waitresses the next day at lunch. The cycle is almost self-sufficient and is mutually beneficial. Knowing the pain of waiting on customers, each group tips the
other well and never raises a fuss. These people do not need to be educated. The
rest of you do.
Many of us have stood in a noisy, crowded bar and asked, "What's a guy got to do to
get a drink around here?" Well, you're about to find out. Here are some Do's
and Don'ts that will keep the relationship between the bartender and bar patron
running smoothly.
DON'T...
Fail to have your money ready
We're waiting on you. Everyone else is waiting on us. Therefore, by the Transitive
Property of Equality, everyone is waiting on you. Rule 1: Have your shit together.
Not only will following Rule 1 get you served quicker in a bar, it's a good general
rule to adopt in life and is especially helpful in Central American border crossing
scenarios.
Whistle
This is an absolute No-No. You whistle at dogs, not people.
Wave money
Oh, you've got a dollar!! I'll be right over!! Hopefully I won't break an ankle in my
fevered rush to get you your "curz lite." Well, at least you're not breaking the next
rule.
Yell out the bartender's first name
There's something deeply psychologically disturbing about hearing your name called
out, turning around and seeing a complete stranger. That's one of the reasons
strippers use stage names. Bartender's do too.
Say "make it strong!" or "put a lot of liquor in it"
Oh, you're one of the rare drinkers that like their drink strong! When you say this,
you're assuming I make weak drinks (which is insulting) and you're assuming that
I'll stiffen this one up for my new best buddy, you. This is the best way to get a
weak drink.
Give the ever-expanding drink order
You want a Bud. I go get it. I come back and now you want a Margarita. Okay, no prob.
I come back, and (oh yeah!) now you want a shot of Tequila, too. You really could
have told us this all at once. See Rule 1.
Pull the redirect (or the bait 'n' switch)
Usually used after the money wave or the whistle, this is when the gentlemen passes
his turn to the lady behind him. Yeah, um, don't do that, okay? Chances are she's
not ready, and your weak attempt at chivalry just cost you your turn. See
you in 30 minutes.
Try the confused, lost look
This is usually accompanied by the question "What kind of beer y'all got?" while looking
at all the beers we have. You did know you were in a bar, right? You didn't just
appear here, did you? Refer to Rule 1.
Order High Maintenance shooters
Example: "Lemme get an Alabama Slammer, a Red Snapper, two Kamikazes, a Buttery
Nipple and a Lemon Drop." Usually followed by a small tip. People, these shooters
are fine by themselves, but there are multiple steps involved with each one.
Translation: Time Sink. You may get them this time, but you'll probably be waited
on last the next time we see your face. Here's a clue as to whether or not
you're high maintenance; if two bartenders are working and they see you, and
they flip a coin and the loser comes over to take your order, pretty good chance
you're high maintenance.
Assume we know you're in the band
We know, we know, you're gonna be really famous, but you're not there yet, tiger. Tell
us you're in the band and which band you're in. By the way, if you are in a band
and get free/reduced drink prices, feel free to tip, as most bartenders are also in
bands! It's not like we don't know how it is. Oh, and our bands will smoke your
band.
Assume we know you period
Unless you've followed the first "Do" rule below, we don't remember you. You are one
of a thousand faces for us, and when you point at an empty glass or a beer bottle
that's invariably facing away from us, your attempt at a shortcut backfires. Tell us
what you want.
Apologize for sucking
Don't apologize for not tipping. Acknowledging that you suck is not the same as not
sucking. Oh, and don't say "I'll get ya next time." We know all about you.
Assume soft drinks are free
Are they free at McDonald's? Are they free at Wal-Mart? Are they free anywhere? I
blame M.A.D.D. for this myth.
Put pennies and nickels in the tip jar
We don't want that crap in our pockets any more than you do. We don't have anything
smaller than quarters. Have you ever ordered a drink that cost $3.17?
Be "The Microbrew Aficionado"
Usually a pseudo-hippy who can't tip a quarter but can't bring himself to drink
"schwag," and who has to sample some new berry-wheat-harvest-ale that he
heard about at Burning Man. "Do you have the new Vernal-Equinox Special
Welcome-Fest?" "Does Anyone?" Here's your Newcastle. Go.
Be "The Daddy Warbucks"
Dressed in classic day-trader wear, this loud, boisterous guy smokes cigars and orders
Martinis and generally exudes an air of money. Until the tip. We hate you.
Be a "Whiney Baby"
Under no circumstances should you ever whine to a bartender when asked to see your
ID. Our jobs depend on them, and when we spot a fake/expired ID, don't argue;
we've seen and heard it all a million times before, and it will get you absolutely
nowhere. If you "don't have one" or "forgot it," forget it; you don't belong out on
the town in the first place. That's the law, plain and simple. If we don't have the
law, the terrorists win. You don't want the terrorists to win, do you? Bring your ID. Remember Rule 1, from a minute ago?
Don't tell me the other bartender hooks it up cheaper
bullshit because if he did you wouldn't be at my gettin it from me! if you can't
afford the drinks you are ordering then don't drink!
DO
Tip
Tip heavy right off the bat, and you're the first person we aim for every time you come
up to the bar. Did you get that? Go back and read it again. The word will spread
to the other bartenders and you'll be treated like a prince. It will pay off in better
drinks and the occasional free one.
Be patient
All you really need to do to get waited on is make eye contact. We see you, and we'll
get to you before the guy right next to you waving money and whistling.
Remember, this isn't insulin we're passing out here. If you really need the drink
that bad, you've got a problem to address, Jack. The meek shall inherit the bar.
Understand
we are human not machines we know you're there however you are not the only or
most important one in the bar...
...and if you tip less than 20% to your waiter you're cheap!
| | Music |
Every Monday Open Mic w/ ok pat finnerty!
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First Tuesday's w/ Jazz Assassins
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First Thursday's LIVE Irish Session
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Last Thursday's PANKED! w/DJ JACK E.JOYNER AND DJ E-QUIP
Plus special guest band!
| | Heroes | .. |
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THE BOG's Details
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| Status: | Single | | Body type: | 0' 0" | | Zodiac Sign: | Capricorn |
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THE BOG is in your extended network
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THE BOG's Blurbs |
About me:
The Bog. Well, we call downtown scranton pennsylvania home. 341 adams avenue, specifically. We've been supporting local, regional and national artists for the past five years. Monthly art / photography exibts, weekly music events, the juke box and the legendary, award winning monday open mic night have been priority since day one. Oh yeah, we have booze too! Big bottles. Drafts. SHOTS. Stop by to see rude, brian, bob, charles, bill, boris, rj, the duke. ok pat finn or magic mike.
***ATTENTION BANDS!***
NO BOOKING IS DONE VIA MYSPACE ANYMORE. PLEASE SEND ALL BOOKING REQUESTS TO BOGBOOKING@GMAIL.COM
ALL OTHER REQUESTS WILL BE DELETED
THANKS.
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Who I'd like to meet:
The person who stole our Pabst neon!
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| THE BOG's Friend Space (Top 24) |
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