This is Cadet 001. He's been playing a lot harder than usual lately. We wouldn't get anywhere without this dynamo beating the crap out of his drums. His arms are getting huge from all the abuse he metes out. Practice makes PERFECT. Look at that face, ladies. Feed him cokes (no ice), and toss him quotes from "Bottlerocket" if you want to win cool points. Whenever I hang out with 001 I get that same feeling that you used to get when you hung out at your friend's house when you were 8 or 9- watching movies all day, riding bikes, jumping around in sprinklers, getting bored with the same old Atari game, pretend space ships, G.I. Joe. He is a Libra, in case you were wondering. He's a French intellectual born out of place, a nihilist with a grin on his face. He claims in an existential stupor, "Stephin Merritt is God.", then mumbles something in Spanish and becomes a tornado of drum-frenzy.
Cadet 001 is currently involved in absolutely classified movements within Universe 3AK-Omega's American armed forces. His involvement with future operations will be very limited for the duration of Earth 3AK-Omega's next four full sun rotations. We wish him well.
Cadet 002 is missing.
This is Cadet 003. No one has ever played guitar exactly like him. No one's songs are as weird as his are. Not surface weird, like about snot or cinderblocks, but genuine holy weird, like about kids that die stepping on cracked ice and about an idealized friend-compound where no one ever sleeps and all people do is play. He hates cheese. Well, he eats it on pizza, but not on burgers. I mean, he's got some kind of arcane cheese acceptability formula. In high school, he would run around the halls and pretend he was a velociraptor. I took humanities class with him back then; he would play drums on the desk, and every time I tried to join in he would stop. I felt really uncool when he did that. 003 knows a lot about things most people don't. 003 has a heart the size of Siberia. 003 is one of two math-wielding Cadets, with two A's and a B in calc. AND A's in diff. eq.!
Cadet 004 is missing.
Cadet 005 is missing.
Cadet 006 is missing.
This is Cadet 007. He is the oldest and the wisest Cadet. He often brings us to our senses when we want to do something really stupid. ("B-b-but...WHY can't we drive to Seattle in twelve hours, [identity blocked for security purposes]?") He plays guitar and the occasional keyboard. He's the hearty chili thickener, taking the songs and grafting on complex jazz-influenced harmonies and welding his six strings into a chorus of steak sound. He is classically trained and proficient in that disciplined kind of guitar-playing most people only dimly fathom.
Cadet 008 is missing.
This is Cadet 009. He usually plays bass. He's a good person. His foot wrapped in eternal red fungus, his shirt permanently moist with a refusal to change clothes or shower, his floor - when it exists ("Of course I can live at the gym! Why not!?") - a warm gleam of crust and oils, 009 gives traditional hygiene a blurry middle finger. Somehow though, he does this without looking like a pathetic 16 year-old stoner. Unlike your little brother, 009's crust forms because he's too busy staying up all night to pursue a secret second-attempt at his aerospace engineering degree or because he's become obsessed with 1) a bizarre radical Brazilian political movement from the 80s that his new roommate was a leader of and 2) a group of mid-century composers who bent waveforms with recorded heat and is spending all of his free time researching both of them in the church library. He believes in abstract justification, because just believing in it makes it real. He also used to have an old man complex. Thankfully he seems to have abandoned it, but now he's actually starting to become the wise, awesome dude he always wanted to look like before. We'd be nowhere without his insistence that we actually try and that we actually be good.
God bless 010 - 807. Your sacrifices will never be forgotten.
This is Cadet 808. He has a security clearance not shared by any of the other members. As such, there is very little information to share at this time. He's a leo, he wears a lot of striped shirts, he enjoys picking people up from airports, and he has a difficult time writing about himself in the third person.
Cadet 809 is missing.
Cadet 810 is missing.
Cadet 811 is missing.
Record Label
Discos Mariscos / Snowglobe / Science Project East
We have recently completed our five-year campaign exploring the death of science as a major world religion. We have decided to report our findings via compact audio laserdisc. You can purchase our final report, and gain exposure to selections from it, from the Internet home of Discos Mariscos, a limited-liability manufacturing corporation from the United States of America with whom we have proudly partnered for this dissemination.
Also this year, 009 (as alias Emperor X) will be releasing the first fragment of his new audio project The Blythe Archives (see: Burnt Toast Vinyl), a sprawling science-fiction heart-story brain-melting hand-holding cocoa-drinking machine-destroying air-crispening vein-popping muscle-burning cornea-moistening masterpiece. 808 (as alias Applied Communications) will play several concerts with 009 in support of a just-released song collection called Heavenly Gospel (also from Discos Mariscos), which is about - among other things - the air going through your pores, the fluids coming up through your feet, and buildings collapsing.
Thanks for stopping by. A separate fully-developed website (to be located at empireforever.com) is on the way.
Godspeed.
--- DECLASSIFIED / URGENT ---
--- PUBLIC NOTICE / URGENT ---
Our previous audio document was "Conditions on Alpha Atoll." Here is a song from it.
"Bird of Paradise"
This album was originally released in 2001 A.D. and features twelve songs.
You made The Florida Show Podcast #2. It features an eclectic mix of bands from all over Florida from the 1950's to today handpicked by "afficianadoes" Jeffrey Howard and Kristin Messina.
I was in an original and highly quirky band called 'The Cadets' in London in the late 70's - we had our moments so it's nice to see the name hasn't disappeared Luck and Best Wishes McT
Dear sirs, After testifying as to the integrity and character of 001, so that the US Military might give him their clearance of security, I found myself drawn irrevocably into your study on the death of science as a major world religion. These details are fascinating. I must applaud you on advancing the discourse by leaps and light years. My ears tingle. I miss you, Cadets. May your feet grace J-ville again soon. Love, J.H.McCharen
after intensely analyzing the conditions on alpha atoll reported in your last document, i must beseech you young intrepids to travel to the ocean of sand between california and new mexico.
