Charlie Teat- Vox 'n' Hair/
Josh Teat- Guitar 'n' Hair/
Sid Teat- Bass 'n' Shirts/
Rob Teat- Drum's/
Martin Hazard- Wisdom (and press releases)
Influences
Pere Ubu, Teardrop Explodes, Echo and the Bunnymen, The Fall, Husker Du, The Creatures, Siouxie and the Banshees, Big In Japan, The Pop Group, Lubbleop-op-op, Gang of Four, A Certain Ratio, Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs, The Editors, The Teats, Razorlight.
Sounds Like
freethinking new electro hydropop punk funk spunk fresh out the box quality yeah?
From the ashes of the Northampton scene came a band. The band. Born from the flaming wreckage of We've Got A-Levels and The Lutherans, two of the most respected bands of the last decade, The Teats formed when their nucleus, Charlie and Josh Teat (No names... names are meaningless avatars of middle-of-the-road values and consensus compromise...) met and fell in love in a totally platonic but utterly passionate way at a poetry reading where Josh was reading some of his improv "word-rape" accompanied by the sound of electric seagulls and blueberry wave formations... They define their sound, or rather, don't define their sound, as "freethinking new electro hydropop punk funk spunk" fresh out the box quality yeah? and they know why they were put together - to demonstrate the word to the future. By age 17 Charlie's spiralling drug habit had caused the ugly demise of several bands, many of which still haunt him in very real behind the scenes ways and in the lyrics of other bands songs- one of The Hot Squirm's last records is a searing comment on the break up of The Lutherans: "Nothing to say/Nothing to say is the new something to say/and I'm saying it all"... couldn't be said better.
By the time the first rehearsal had happened so much had poured from the two tortured, fertile minds that a gig had to happen FAST- enter Sid and Rob Teat, brothers from the legendary and recently deceased Wet Hard Spastic to complete the sound in ways too perfect to imagine. But one piece of the puzzle remained. Martin Hazard was hanging around outside Northampton's number one sex shop and band hangout Hot Cakes six months ago when the owner and Northampton legend Sexy Pete put on their demo. "When I heard it I knew that everything else in the world was total sh*t compared to The Teats" he said, understated to the last. "This will be the most important record this century, the first great record of the twenty-first century. I Know it will." With Hazard at the helm there is nothing that can go wrong.
-Martin Hazard
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NOISE CHOMPS: Eating On Tour With The Teats...
Is a bit more than just a collection of Charlie Teats's consistently
witty articles of culinary experiences on the road over the
past two years. The hardback book is published by
fishy noice chomp house in the UK on November 2nd and features
illustrations from Craig DeCraig. We'll be bringing you a taster
of some of Charlie's hottest dribblings, and our Craig's
drawings over the next month.
To enter to win one of 10 signed and personalised copies of the
book by monsieur Charlie, simply answer the following question:
The Teats recently ripped off a song about a boy who ate too many cakes.
What was his name? (Clue) E-mail your answer to
graham@franzferdinand.co.uk. One entry per e-mail address please.
Competition closes 16th October.
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Just thought i'd post to say how awesum yr gig was last night at Club Wonky at the Coach&Horses in South Ruislip. Why no publicity before?
Althought most seemed to be there for the Chinese Cliff Richard impersonator (our multi-talented local Chinese restaurant owner) - loved the set! Particularly loved yr cover of 'Monster' by The Automatic (but why the different words?), and the guest vocals on the verses by a possessed Mr Lu. You certainly got the crowd going, never realised you were so big in Ruislip, pity Clive the landlord had that problem with the fuses and your set got cut to just 10 minutes. Just as the crowd were shouting for what must be your next single 'Get 'em off' - very suggestive ;) But why did you guys have to rush off so quickly? Mr Lu had us all singing along to Batchelor Boy, Summer Holiday... you would have loved it.
TEATS!
I've been chatting with Mario and he says EMI can see no reason why you can't start putting up some of the songs you've been recording over the last couple of months. I for one would love to know what you've been getting up to being as you've yet to play me anything.
Currently trying to see if Alex from Brakes is up for doing your first video. Will let you know.
-M
hello teats, maybe you would like to be in our music video we need someone to raise the profile of our straight edge no nonsense shoegazing band. What do you say?
Yo Charlie... need some frank input for this stylee dinner p-art-y i'm having next week... can't seem to crack the signature dish for the night yet... what's best to stuff a chicken with? Sauteed Bananas or Soiled Raspberries... figured your palette would be the best one to check wiv. Help me nosh god!!
Boys, the music industry is a fickle and evil place. They've clearly got you primed to replace the Zebras at London Zoo. Josh has already got that whispy hair resembling a Zebra's mane. It's a conspiracy I tell you. Run now boys.
TEATS! What you playing at? Whilst I've been sweating blood working for you in LA, you've neglected your Myspace page. Now get cracking and start adding friends and writing blogs. Sometimes you make me wonder why I bother.
On a positive note, Sony are interested in putting the album out, WeaselMedia are going to get in touch about a documentary they want to do on you for MTV and I'm also seeing my lawyer this week so we can sue Misty's Big Adventure over the video.
Get over to Hazard Towers pronto!
-M
Another fantastic gig! Charlie been meaning to ask, if I'm baking a tart or a flan do I need to part-bake the base first? If I don't the base can be still doughy and the mixture comes out. If I do it often rises and cooks quicker than the rest of the flan. I'm at a loss please help.
OMGZ like, I have to like you as you are the next big thing on the radar an all. I am going to get stripey tops and a cool and crazy haircut so i be just like you....but a girl.
You ROCKZ
Boys, you poor stupid boys! How are you? Just checking, have you ever met Mario actually at EMI? I know lots of people there and they don't seem to know who 'Mario' is. Strange.
Of course, I wouldn't want to bring the 'integrity' of your buffoonish manager Hazzard into question, but be very careful.
Brillant brilliant brilliant show tonight boys. Great set and I love the new tracks. FlapToss want you back but I've told them to stop hassling us.
Whilst you were partying after the show, I had a sit down with Mario EMI. He was well impressed. Particularly with your look. I've signed a deal memo on your behalf. You don't need to worry about this, it just means basically the cheque's in the post. I'm meeting up with him again tomorrow to discuss my fee.
-M
OMG! You guys were fantabalassydoodoo tonite. I LUV 'On Yer Radar' and the fact u have 1 song called 'My Haircut' and another called 'Your Haircut'. Genius!
Sorry I had to leave early but you know wat Baz can be like.
MWAH!
Soozie xxx
You sound like someone ... I can't put my finger on it,
but sorry to say it's not for us.
Please stop asking us for support slots.
Why would we ask you to open for us?
We have a bunch of way more talented friends we don't even ask to open for us.
-jack
Listen kid, like I said on the phone, I will take care of this. This is small fry compared to what's to come. You've just got to trust me yeah? If Hazard says he's gonna sort something, Hazard sorts something. Don't let this distract you from finishing the album, Mario EMI is coming down FlapToss on Friday to clinch the deal. All is going to plan yeah!
-M
