USA Rock Paper Scissors League

.. Master Roshambollah




..
According to several studies, the most commonly thrown symbol of all time is ROCK. First of all, rock is pre-formed and takes the least amount of physical exertion to throw. Secondly, rock is the most aggressive throw, and emotionally feels the most powerful. Rock is formed in a closed fist, which is the same hand position a fighter uses to punch an opponent. Generally, a rock can do more damage than a paper or a scissors. You can’t throw a paper through somebody’s window. You can’t roll a scissors down a hill to crush someone’s favorite classic car. But you can with a big, heavy rock. Rock is the go-to throw in a time of need or nervousness, so know that when your opponent is stuck between a rock and a hard place, he will throw the former.

If your opponent has the following traits, they will favor throwing rock: aggressive, strong, Type-A personality, masculine, rugged, angry, obese, vengeful, frustrated, fingerless, bitter, Neanderthal-like, simple, hairy or alcoholic.


PAPER is a very interesting throw. It is the most passive throw yet it defeats the macho rock. A piece of paper is a thin, light material used for writing and folding. It can’t do much physical damage, though paper cuts can be deceptively painful, and can sometimes even require a band-aid. Paper is formed with an open hand and fingers straightened out, resembling the beginning phase of handshake. It’s also the hand position someone would use to wave hello. And yet, that same hand formation was used by various tyrants through history to support genocide.

If your opponent has the following traits, they will favor throwing paper: Literary, passive, weak, sad, too skinny, melancholy, apathetic, German, affable, humble, short, soft or insecure.


SCISSORS is for the sharpest of RPS players, those who are intelligent, cunning and courageous. Scissors is considered the most cerebral of the throws, because in our society of short attention spans most people hear “Rock Paper Scissors” and stop listening after “Rock Paper.” But the smart ones never forget about scissors. Scissors are tools used for cutting, and can be equally destructive in RPS. Scissors looks like a peaceful throw - it even looks like the peace sign - but there is a dark seedy underbelly to scissors, one of manipulation and deviousness. Surprisingly, or fittingly, scissors is the most common throw among women.

If your opponent has the following traits, they will favor throwing scissors: Sneaky, sly, sharp, calculating, intelligent, feminine, controlled, centered, thoughtful, introspective, deep or bald.