GENERAL GRIER'S SPEED RUN SKIRMISH

To: Solus Contingent

From: General Grier

Your mission has been updated.

Complete the Mountain Village Level AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! Prove your valor, annihilating the boss on video.

You only have until January 26th or the Chuul will dominate the world. For more information, speed run example video and playing tips

PRIZES:

1st Place: Framed, original, signed Weapon of Choice Production Art PLUS 4,000 Microsoft Points

2nd Place: Special, black T-shirt with Second Place Winner’s Speed Run time and Weapon of Choice logo.

3rd Place: Artist/Developer signed Weapon of Choice Alien Annual Calendar 2009, featuring monthly vivid images and insane poetry of disgusting Weapon of Choice aliens.

Weapon of Choice Speed Run "How-To" and "Tips" Trailer

And if you LOVE the ART in WEAPON OF CHOICE, check out the NEW Alien Annual 2009 Wall Calendar!

Now about me...

My name is Xerxes Remington, and I am writing to you from the year 2188. Aside from the alien invasion, everything is going pretty well.

A BRIEF HISTORY: It is a well-known fact (it’s well-known in 2188, anyway) that when 21st century game developers begin running out of original stories, they send quantum notebooks into the future to get new ideas. Then, they use the ideas to create new games. It’s kind of cool because you all get to play games based on things that haven’t even happened yet. Of course, usually the developers change a bunch of the details around, so they’re never exactly the same... except for Metal gear. All of that stuff really happened.

So anyway, there must be a ton of developers who have run out of ideas, because there are literally thousands of these notebooks lying around in 2188. They’re all over the streets, packed in alleyways, and lying about in open fields. Anyone can write in one of these notebooks – and some folks do – but most folks consider them a nuisance, and they’re typically just gathered up and hauled off to the local dump… or added to the EA Games Landfill.

So, one day I found one of these quantum notebooks in the bed of my flying pickup truck (yes, we finally invented flying cars, but all of the people who used to drive like idiots now fly like idiots, so we really just made the traffic problem worse). Normally, I’d never even look twice at one of these notebooks, but this one was different. It was baked into a piecrust and filled with yummy apple filling.

I figured that anyone enterprising enough to send a pie into the future was probably worthy of my attention. So, with that, I cracked open Mommy’s Best Quantum Notebook and started writing. Their exploits are detailed here.

MY LIFE IN 2188: I was born in 2145. Unfortunately, the limits of your “myspace” technology do not allow me to enter my actual birth date here. But I guess that’s to be expected since you only just invented the “Internet” a few years ago. We don’t call it the Internet anymore in 2188. By decree of the United Nations, all official nomenclature must refer to objects based on their actual function. So, for instance, fans are now referred to as “rotational air movers,” movies are now “audio-video recordings,” and the Internet is “The Warcraft-Pornography Continuum.”

In 2188, my primary hobby is the recreational use of military jet and rocket engine technology. While serving in the military, I use a Jet Engine Gun to “cook fools” (to use a 21st century term). I also have the ability to jump and hover in mid-air, even without the engine. Hey, don’t ask me to explain it; it’s not like I invented physics… I believe that was Al Gore.

I’m told that I have a starring role in the new Xbox Live Community Games Weapon of Choice. You can even buy my very own T-shirt… I think I get residuals or something.