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ALABAMA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE

			"The official MySpace of The University of Alabama at Opelika WAAAAAAARRRRR EAGLE'S GAY, I MEAN, HAY!!" Female 87 years old LEE COUNTY, Alabama United States Last Login:5/22/2008

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General	THE WEEGLE WEEGLE CHANNT: WEAGLE WEAGLE WAR FUCK THE EAGLE! TAKE IT IN THE ASS BIG BLUE, HEY! WHAT DOES AUBURN STAND FOR? ALABAMA USUALLY BEATS US RED NECKS MY FAMILE Mamma predicts that AU football team will be 8-4 this year. She says the football team will have 8 arrests and 4 convictions. Mamma could be right 'cause we done had three even before the season started. HOME SWEET HOME, ALBURN This is where we live with Granny Todd in the double wide, right behind Jerkin-Hair Stadium. That's Granny in the mumu and the sponge hair rollers in front of our trailer. Granny enjoys Alburn football. She also enjoys changing the oil and rotating the tires herself. GRANNY Here's Grandy. She is also my girfrind Elisia's grandma. She loves to call talk radio shows and tells them that she's a Bama fan when she is not working. Grandy works for a sex phone service. She sets in the lazy-boy on the on front porch and smokes them Camels and talks on the phone. She must be good cause she is on the phone all the time. She hangs out at the local bars with a lot of the football managers and band boys. One of the managers told me that she has the war eagle tattooed on her butt. I told him the Alburn tattoo on her arm is the only one that she has. MAMMA'S TRAILER Mamma's trailer has got a real great view of Jerdon-Hare stadium. She likes for me to make pictures of her to pass around to all her customers. Mamma works at the Wire Road Truck Stop. She says that she give tow jobs to truckers. I don't know how she does it cause she don't have no tow truck. Truck drivers call her all the times, day and night, to get a tow job. Mamma says she does not like to do Aubun grads because they want her to moo like a cow when she's towing them. MY TWO DAWGS These are the two best damned dawgs in the AU trailer park. They eats all the dead animals and we don't have to worry about cleaning up after their poop because they do it theirself by eating it. I ain't got a name for 'em yet. It's just hard to think of names for two dogs you've had for 12 years. MY HOTTIE GIRL FRIEND, ELICIA We met at a family reunion. Elicia wants to get married and buy a double-wide. I told her that we could get married when I graudated from Alburn. She told me that she ain't waiting no nine years to get married. I told her that I was studing to be a astronaut or a taxidermest, and it would just take time to get my degree. DAD AT ATMORE This is my dad. Last time that I visited him at Atmore Correctional Center, I told him I would marry Elisia after I gradueate. He told me,"Why buy the cow, when she ain't stump broke?". I don't know what that means but I'm sure Daddy does and surre it is good advice for all of us. UNCLE JOEY Here's Joey, Elicia's dad. He's also my Dad's brother and my uncle. I didn't tell Dad that Uncle Joey and Mamma had moved in a luxary double-wide trailer near the Wire Road exit. My girl friend, Elisia thinks this is great. If Uncle Joey and Mamma got married, then me and Elisia would be first cousins, step-brother and step-sister, and then when we got married we could have a family reunion at the same time. MY SISTER, STACY Stacy wants to be the greet'er at the Bait Shop Lounge in Montgomery when she graduates from high school. Stacy is mad at Mamma for taking Uncle Joey to the new trailer on Wire Road. She says that every time she gets a new boy friend that Mamma takes them away from her and they ain't worth a shit when Mamma gets through with them. GRANDPA COLONEL DICK This here is my grandpa, Colonel Dick. He's a colonel in the Lee County Trailer Park Militia and owns 9 of the 16 junkyards in Albarn. Colonel Dick thinks the mountain men in "Deliverance" were misunderstood. COUSIN RICKY This is Colonel Dick's son, Ricky. He has a real nice trailer boat on Lake Martin. Ricky says that he enjoys being close to nature. Mamma says Ricky get a little too close to nature sometimes. GREAT GRANDPAW HANK Him been an Awbarn fan since 1958. Hims didnd't like footbawl until that year, but he finnale gots a cowtippin' scholarship to Awbarn and it was then that he relized how much we love footbaw. he's been sitting in that chair since 1958, and aint' moved since... ...Mama say don't look like he's going anywhere either! CUZIN QUARTERBACK BRANDON AND GIRLFRIEND This is reigning Awbarn quarterback Brandon Cox and girlfriend. He's also my cousin and girlfriend happens to be our long lowst Aunt. This here is Brandon and girlfriend at a friend's wedding here in Awbarn. As you can see, they always dress to the occassun! AUNT TRACY & TOM Here is moma's sister, Tracy, and Tom, her boyfriend. They go to all the Auburn homes games. When Auburn loses, Aunt Tracy gets real mad and beats the shit out of Tom's face. Tom said he is not looking foward to this football season at all. We ain't see Tom since Wisconsin cleaned our plow and beat us like a rented mule. CUZIN BOB This here is cuzin Bob. Him's the local Wire Road beer chuggin champion. Him can down 12 beerz in under 6 minutes. We made and customized that Awbern shirt he's a wearing specially for Cuzin Bob. He meens lots to the younger barners and hes also an inspiration to alcoholics. MIKEY MY PET COW I figure if I can put my doggs on here, why not my cow? after all, every Aubarn citsen owns a cow fer crying out loud. He's got a case of that Mad Cow Syndrome. But he's normal cas 98% of our cow population has the disease. If they don't got it then they ain't normal! ------------------------------------------------------------ AUBARN ATHLETIC FACILITIES COACH'S NEW DOUBLE-WIDE OFFICE Tubber's double-wide new coaches' office is the pride of all Aubarn fans. Before home games, a lot of our fans come early, just to take a tour of the coach's double-wide or at least just to peep in the windows. AWBARN'S THUM STATYOU This here is a statue of Coach Tubby', Coach Dye, and Coach Shruggs thumb, all in one. We commbined them together like inbreds. We decided to pay tribute to Coach Tubby, and all the other Awbarn legends for beating Alabammer 4 n 5 times in a row. It's the gratest thing we have done-even bigger than winning a National Champonchip. Coach Tubby brought us our first success over Alabammer in over 20 years. We ain't beat the Alabamians consecutively since Coach Dye had the crappiest job in the world: The Awbarn head coaching job. And it was over 30 yeers since we beat Alabammer for years in a row when Coach Ralf Shrugg was our coach. Coach Tator Terry Bowden, didn't get a chance to beat Alabammer four times, and go down in the history books at Awbarn-But Alabammer didn't go on probation when Coach Terry was head coach at Allburn. ...Mama say it don't matter if Bammer has beat us more times then we have beat them, all that matters is we have beat them for times in a row, once, and we beat them five times twice as well, so that's all that matterz. BUS RIDE TO THE AWAY GAMEZ This is the bus our players ride on to the away games. We can't afford jets, cas we haven't sold enough beef yet, but Coach tubby promises that "If he can be the 2004 UNDEFETED SEC CHAMPION AWBERN TIGERS AND THE 2006 UNDEFEEETED SEC CHAMPION ARBEN TIGERS," then we'll have a brand new 18 seater bus!... US awbern fans are looking forward to that, and especally the playars cas they get tired of the hay poking in their asses when they ride on the bus we gots now. OUR INDOOR FOOTBALL FACILITIES Our indoor football facilities is right outside Jordon-Hare. Coach Tubby says if he is here next year, he will have the football team put a new roof on it. All the players are really excited about that... OUR INDOOR TRACK FACILITY This is our indoors track. But you just have to be careful where you steps. And don't wear your new shoes or go bare footed NEW PRESS BOXES FOR THE JUNGLE Our new press boxes are being installed for this season OUR CHAMPIONSHIP SWIMMING POOL Our new and improved Olymic size swimming pool TORNADOS SURE DO LIKE TRAILERS! This is our Welcome Station and Skybox. Thank goodness the tornado didn't do too much damage. Then if it did blow everything away, it would only cause $500 or $600 damage. I alway wonder why we have so many tornado here. Mama said that God hates trailer parks and Albarn... else he would have made us normal like everyone else. Us Albarn fan are really unique! BOATING ON LAKE BARFIELD Our coaches' yachet AUsed Cars Our football players get to pick out their own car from the junkyard when they sign up to play football. We sign a lot of players when we tell them that! They don't know there ain't a car in the junkyard worth over $50. Our players may not be the brightest but all gots a car. AWBARN COW/CAR WARSH This here is the only car wash in americur where you can wash both your truck, trailer, and cow! THE JUNGLE This is a picture of the inside of The Jungle, it's real scary for visting teams. Its sometimes scary to our players too when we start the BOOOOOOOOO's and the MOOOOOOOO's! AWBARN FIELD HOUSE And last but not least, this here is our Awbarn field house!!! WHORE DAMME IGHUL! ------------------------------------------------------------ AWBARN CAMPUS - THE PLAINEST OF LEE COUNTY JUST ANOTHER DAY IN PARIDICE AU PRESIDENT'S MANION The university build the prez's house on Lake Barfield. It's one of the few homes here in Alburn that don't have no wheels on it. You best have a 4-wheeler if you wants to visit. TORNADO IN AU TRAILER PARK We gets about 3 or 4 tornados in the trailer park each year. This one went through the campus at Alburn and tore-up a lot of the university's trailers. Moma says the last tornado that came thru Albarn University did $20,000 worth of improvements. BEER-EVEN INDOOR BASKETBALL COURT The indoor basketball court is just down the street from the AU trailer park and acroos the street from the biggest and best junkyard in Auburn. I really like this picture. The color of the rust on the cars and the blue anti-freeze in the radiator is the same as AU colors. LANNY'S COW PASTURE... ...and he says he will not be held responsible if you mess with them and they kick you before he finishs breaking 'em. JUNKYARD ON THE PLAINS This is Colonel Dick's junkyard and he's my Grand-Pa. Grand-Pa says one of these days this is all going to be mine. AU MANURE RECYCLING CENTER We recycle at AU. ... Mama says that it's a good thing; cause if any place need a shit recycling center, it's Alburn University! SUNSET AT JERKIN-HERE This is one of my favorite photos. I've had a lot of request for this picture from AU grads that wants it to put in their new trailers, but I can't find the negative. ROUNDING UP THE CHICKENS AFTER THE TORNADO... This here is my dad on work release and some of his buddies rounding up all the chicken that got blown away by the tornado. The tornado had a direct hit on the experimental barn at the Aburn Chicken Research Center. Moma said if Daddy finds any of the chickens that they really will have a new experience. I don't know what Moma means by that but my Moma knows my Dad. ------------------------------------------------------------ MY AU TRAILER PARK FRIENDS George at J&M Bookstore This is my best friend, his name is George. He's been my best friend since I had to take the fifth grade over again. He got runned-over by his own pick-up on Wire road when he got out to pick up a road-killed possum. He left the truck running and in gear. He's o.k. now, except one side of his head is flat. Mama said it was good that the truck ran over his head cause it could have really hurt him otherwise. Last year at the Bama-Albarn game, he threw cherry bombs into the Alabama student section. George got real pissed off cause the Bama students lit the fuses and threw them back. GRANNY BEBE'S HUBCAP 4 SALE If you have lost a hubcap or it got stole be sure to check with Granny Bebe. There are also real good for grilling and food bowls for your dogs. She has a real nice selection. Stop by the trailer park and take a look! ************************************** Hubcaps 4 Sale In fronts of the indoor basketball court Before and after all the football games. Real Cheap - ************************************** BOOMER'S PHARMACY Boomer wants to rename the staddium "The Pharmacy" cause he said he does more deals there than any where else, and that's during football practice. BRAD JR. - BAND BOY This is Brad Jr. We call him Band Boy, cause he use to wear his band suit all the time. (except when he visits Cynthia, then he puts on his Arby costume) Now he wears a Albarn cheerleader outfit; but that is a different story COLONEL DICKS BROTHER, WHEELER'S TRALIER Every times it rains real hard the creek besides the indoor basketball court gets flooded. Then Wheeler's trailer floats down Lowdwer's creek. We find and put it back up. Colonel Dick told Wheeler that it's nature's way of cleaning his trailer. DAD IS ON WORK-RELEASE NOW! My Dad is out on work-release now. He says that it is not that bad. He said he gets to wear Aubarn orange all the time now... He puts on his jump suit and go to the game on Saturday... Then wears it hunting on Sunday... ... and then wear it Monday through Friday picking up trash! This is a great school!!! WHEELER'S PUMPER TRUCK Wheeler works for the Auburn Sanatition Department and pumps out all the shit-houses here in Aburn. He said if he had an Aburn degree that he wouldn't be pumping shit; said he would be driving the shit pumper truck. ROSE This is Rose, she works with Mamma at the truck stop. She sure has a nice trailer. Sometimes me and Russell from Montgomery look in her window at night. She says she can give a better tow job than mama and will give us one for free. When I got a car and it brokes down, I'll be calling for a tow job. Russell said he was going to get his tow job now! (That's just like a Bammer, getting a tow job, and not even having a car.) MR UNDERWOOD, MY HIGH SCHOOL SEX EDUCATION TEACHER This is my high school teacher, Mr Underwood. He played football for Coach Barfield and was one of the favorite players in the locker room. The only thing that we did in his class was watch Christerfer Lloyd Trailer Decorating tapes and Richard Simmon's exercise tapes. Mr Underwood works with Momma at the truck stop during football season when it really gets busy there. Mama says all the AU boys like to try out Mr Underwood at least one time before they graduate. ------------------------------------------------------------
Music	The Awbarne TIG3RS Marthing Band and the "WORE 3AGLE THEME SONG" "War Eagle Crank the Jon Deere," "Break Out the Redman Shotgun a Beer," "War Eagle, Inbreds Delight," "Where Brothers and Sisters Unite," "GO! GO! GO! Back to the trailer," "Fire up the grill," "Savor the Flavor from last nights Roadkill," "War Eagle, BIG COW COLLEGE," "Cesspool of Dixie Land!" ------------------------------ "LEE COUNTY COMFORT" BY FORMER AWBARN COACH, PAT DYE (Sing to the tune of Buddy Jewel's "Sweet Southern Comfort"): Manure smellin' up my hometown, Stacks of snuff cans bout knee high, Miss Louella down the dirt road, Dirty undies on the line, Bubba Lewis there with Roy Lee, Drinkin' all of pappy's gin, Reminiscin' about the southland, Auburn's where it all begins. From Opelika down to Wire Road, Smell the landfill and dead possum, Sleepy Sweet Home in Lee County, Wah Ig-gul, Muddy water, in the bathtub, Cousin Gracie whispers to me, Marry on, Marry on, Sweet Southern Cousin, Marry on, Dodgin' sewage in the river, Chasin possums by the creek, Kissin Debbie, she's my sister, On the lips Homecomin week, With dusty yards and weeping widows, Junk cars all out in the yard, Just a snapshot of downhome Auburn, Could be anywhere you are, In Opelika down to Wire Road, Smell the landfill and dead possum, Sleepy Sweet Home in Lee County, Wah Ig-gul, Muddy water, in the bathtub, Cousin Gracie whispers to me, Marry on, Marry on, Sweet Southern Cousin, Marry on, As I sit here I'm surrounded, By these worthless memories, I don't have to think about it, This ain't no place I'd wanna be. From Opelika down to Wire Road, Smell the landfill and dead possum, Sleepy Sweet Home in Lee County, Wah Ig-gul, Muddy water, in the bathtub, Cousin Gracie whispers to me, Marry on, Marry on, Sweet Southern Cousin, Marry on....
Movies
Television	We don't get cable here in the AU Trailer park, so we got's to go to the Oppelika Homless Center to watch our games, and to wacth shows like Jerry Springer: Awbarn Edishun, or other stuff. The show "Cops" likes to film episodes here in the AU. BOOMER, "COPS IN AU" TV SHOW Boomer has been on "Cops in AU" more time than anyone else in the trailer park so we'll use him for an exampple. This hear is John Boy. He hostes the show, "You might be an Awrby if..." IT's a prette funny show.
Books
Heroes	AWBARN CHEERLEEDERS These sure or a fine group of yung men and woman. I asked my hott gifriend Elisa, "Why don't you come to Abrun and be a cheerleeder?" And she said, "You know good an ddamn well I never cheerleeded when I was grewin up. I always played football and I was a Center. Cheerleeding ain't fer me." COACH FAT AL BORGES This is the greatest offensife coordinator on the planet. momma say only reason why is because he is a planet becuse he sure ain't the greatest on this planet. We'z got Coach En-ormous from some team out on the west coast. I don't know where the west coast is, but he was probable the majority of it. But he is my favoret coordinator of all time. Him offense obletarated LSU in 2004, then we swept UGA, then we dominated the Bammer team, and they were even playing with their entire roster, all in 2004. He is the reson we are the 2004 UNDEFETED SEC CHAMPION ARBY TIGERS--Not coach tubberfiel... Coach All also competes in the SEC Sumo Wrestling contest for coaches. He tied for first place this last year with coach Fil Fulmer. NELL VICKERS - MY HERO Nell Vickers is my hero. He is the best radio announcer on the Fimebomb Talk Program--This one time, Coach Tubby was the speshial guest on Nells show... He was asked, "Are you gonna have a winning season this year?" And below is his response... "YES," he sayed. Lets just say Coach Tubby ain't reel good under pressure. He morphs into someone else when he lies just like pinnochios nose grows when he lies. Only difference is Pinnokio came frum nothing and Coach Tubby came from nothing and still is in nothing. Newayz... Nell Vikerz has been dating my granny since 1989 and he's like one of the family 'cause he's just like us. He tells us he wants to be the "Mike McKinze of Talk Radio" and I tell him that he is already there. And he says he has to carry Phil Fimebomb or the talk program would fold like a dirty diaper He said he would teach me how to laugh out of my nose like he does every time Phil Fimebomb says anything. Somes times I don't understands why he laughs everytime that ole fart, Fimebomb, says something. Nell said he will also teach me how to Brown-Nose too, cause he is the very best. He is a real hero too. He passed out towels in the base gym for 20 years while he was in the Air Force. And he has a lot of interesting stories about washing and folding and stacking towels and alot of stuff like that. And he learned to be a raido announcer just by taking correspondance course from Albarn. Sometimes I wonder why he don't start his own "Good Morning Aubarn Farm and Cow Talk Show", like he trained for. Nell don't like to brag about it but he knows all about cows, goats, and fuzzy sheeps. I bet he could teach all the Aubie guys new stuff that they ain't even thought about doing with them cows and other barnyard animals. When I grow up, I want to be just like Nell. COACH TOMMY TUBBYVELLE Tubby said he's closed to becomming an Awbarn legend like Pat Di and the Shrugg. He say because he's beat Alabammer four yeers in a row. Bue he's full of himself because TATOR is our greatest coach ever. Tubby couldn't beat Alabammer unless they were on probation or losted all of their players because they are crybabies and gots hurt. TATOR always beat Alabammer and in 1993, Allabemmmer wasn't on probation and they wasn't hurt and they were undefeated, LIKE WE ARE THE 2004 UNDEFETED ARBEN TIGERS, and TATOR beat the elephant hide off of 'em. TATOR also got us recognized as national champons in 1993, but we cheated and couldn't proclaim oursevles as champs. mama say that's horse manur cas everytime we goes undefeated, we can't proclaim ourselves as national champs cas we on probatoin. she said it's the ncaa conspiracy towards us rednecks. TERRY BOWDEN AKA AWBRENS GREATEST COACH EVER! ...Mama say this one time she was giving a tow job to caoch terry in 1993, congratulating him for ending alabammers 3 iren bowl game win streak and instead of him moooooing like a cow, like us normal awbarn folkes, he sqeeled like the pillsberry dow boy. Coach Bowden was the greatest coach ever at Albunr. He won 21 straight times and beat Bama every year in "The Jungle", well, not ever year, but he still managed to gain success in a totally different mannor than tubby did. And Coach Brother never beat Bama in "The Jungle" either... We didn't have the Jungle when Coach Pat was here, so he ain't never beat Bama in "The Jungle" Coach Tot is laughing at Alburn now, he mentioned abowt the tubby's first couple of seasons sayin, "Even I can score a TouchDown in two games" Sure wish Coach Tater Tot was here now! And Coach Terry was here, he kicked Tubber's butt every year! 1995 - Ole Miss 13 Auburn 46 1996 - Ole Miss 28 Auburn 45 1997 - Ole Miss 9 Auburn 19 1998 - Ole Miss 0 Auburn 17

ALABAMA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE's Details

Status:	Swinger
Orientation:	Bi
Hometown:	EAST OPELIKA
Body type:	0' 0"
Religion:	Scientologist
Zodiac Sign:	Capricorn
Children:	I don't want kids
Education:	High school
Occupation:	STUDENT AT THE GREATEST COLLEGE IN THE WORLD!!
Income:	Less than $30,000

ALABAMA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE's Schools

Auburn Farm Center
Auburn, AL
Graduated: N/A
Degree: None
Major: COWBOY
Minor: FARMER
Clubs: COWBOYS AND COWGIRLS, REDNECKS UNITED, I LOVE TRASH

1950 to 2011

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Bud Lite Salutes The Awbarn Football Program! (view more)

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HOW TO GET YOUR STADIUM NAMED AFTER YOURSELF AT AUBURN (view more)

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ALABAMA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE's Blurbs

About me:

WAR DAMM EGLE-SEX IN A ROE (THANK U ALBERT MEENZ FOR THIS)! FEER DA UDDER THUM (WE'Z GOTS TWO THUMS ON EACH HAND CAS WE INBREDS LIKE OUR BAKEBALL PLAYUR FRANKIE TOLBERT)!

WHORE DAME IGHUL TOO IN A ROE!!! WE BEET ALABAMMER TOO IN A ROE IN BAKEBALL. THAT MEANZ, WERE THE BEST!!!

API LINKS:

An API Alpha Psi API Rodeo Video:

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/alpha-psi-rodeo/1601547078

Barnie tailgating Videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im7NfJB9ufs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EjiPAPv9Rs

Virulent racism at Aufarm:

http://www.blackwebportal.com/wire/DA.cfm?ArticleID=392

Be sure to click on the “View more pics” link down at the bottom of the page.

http://radgeek.com/gt/2001/11/09/the_context/

http://radgeek.com/gt/2001/11/06/virulent_racism/

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This here is the 'fficial Awbarn Youniversity Myspace. We have the most pride and turdishun than any school in the world.

Our proud campus is 3 foot long (thats xcluding the chicken houses, barns, cow pastures, catfish ponds), but 3 foot'll do. Hell our campus/town is so small and in the middle of nowhere, you cant even get cell survice in most of the spots here!

We'z the only college town in America which contains catfish farms, cow pastures, and chicken houses. And our school knows how to throw some helluva rodeos!

We ain't got no quad OR strip like Alabammer doez, And you can see the entire campus standing on Toomer's Corner aka Robert Baker Pharmacy. But what pisses me off is I see places like Toomer's Corner at UA, UGA, LSU, UT, UF etc. But our corner iz da better one.

We'z gots a ghetto out behind Jordan Haire. I guess that's where all these gettofied thugs ridin bicycles and homeless people who walk our streets, most specially late at night, cum from.

Wire Road is the best part of Albarn and Opelika. Lots of owr students and fanz live in Wire Road. Wire Roads gots the best trailerz u've ever seen in this side of the barn. You'll find out more bout Wire Road if you continue to reed the Awbarn Myspace page.

We'z gots some of the best damn barns and clubs I mean bars and clubs. There aint but about 4 or 5 of 'em, but they so good, we have world renowned bands come play there such as Trotline and Northern Railroad. We ain't like that utter college in the state. They gots people I aint evur heard of like Daughtry, Incubus, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Yin Yang Boyz or Twinz, Sublime, and utter's. But none of them have anything on the Redneck-fied Trotline and Northurn Railroad.

MTV and SPIKE TV don't evur feture any shows on our campus or our students and neither has the Krystal Commercials like they do in TTOWn, but nobody round here watches MTV, SPIKE TV or the Krystal Commercials (cas most of us dont gots cable), so it don't bother us any. But Opelika News always talks bout us!!!

Occasionally, we'z gets one or two famous people to tour or speak at our campus, unlike utter SEC schools where there's someone bout every day. Last person come through here was George Bush, aka the Prezident. He come through here and talked bout his plan to "Clean Up Opelika." Him say he plan on bringing in the National Guard to help straighten this embarresment to America up. First he wants to bulldoze all the trailers but I say to him, "NO THE HELL YOU AINT!"

We love rodeos down here at Awbarn. We may not have a nightlife like the Alabammer, UGA, and LSU students do, but we have one of the south's biggest rodeos go down behind the Good Ole Boys restrant here in Awbarn. It's a great way for all us Awbarn students and alumni to come to gether, drink beer, ride bulls, bang our sisters, and talk about how much our football teams gonna suck now that Bammers off probations.

The majority of our students aint nothing but a bunch of Skoll dipping, Ford F250 Super-Duty drivin, Wranger Jean wearin, Cowboy boot wearin rednecks, but at Awbarn, we like to keep the south "traditional." It ain't a bad thang at all!!!

We named our former cow pasture and current Joran-Hare Stadium grass after one of the best coaches at Awbarn evur (besidez Tator Bowden), Coach Pat dye. Him left Awbarn with an impressive 6-6 record versez Alabammer and him didn't win a national Champonchip, but him won 4 SEC champonships and in 1988 him share the SEC title with LSU, but they bitch cas LSU had more SEC wins than we did. But we know Awbarn was still a bettur team. Then in 1989, we share the SEC title with Alabammer, but they bitch cas Alabammer had more SEC wins that Alburn. But regardless, EVURYBODY KNOWS Awbarn is better than Alabammer. Period

And to intruduce myself... my name iz Dale and this here is my AU Trailer Park myspace in Aubarn Alabammer... and this is football country.

I'm a student at the greatest football college in the nation - Aubarn University

I've been going full time for three years now and almost have my freshman year behind me!

This here web page is for all you folks that don't know nothing about Albarn. Especailly for you Bammers.

LS who'er, Gatars, Tenersee Hillbillies, SooueeePig boys and UGA ugly'er fans that can read are welcome too.

We are all one big family here in Awbarn and this myspace is to bring us all together.

If you wants to learn a lot of stuff about Aubarn Universsity and our campus and our tradtions and junkyards and trailer parks and our family here in Alburn, you are in the right place.

Enjoy and bee sure to have a look see at me pictures and blogs and be sure to leve me a commentment sumtimes.WOOOORRRRR EGLE HAY!

WE ARE THE 2004 UNDEFETED SEC CHAMPIONZ... mama say it was our first time ever winning a sec championchip game in atlanta-and it was our first time ever going undefeted and not bein on probation! that means we are the best!

THE TABLIODS AND POSTERS AND SPORTS ILLUSTRATED EVEN RECOGNIZES US IN FOOTBAW FOR OUR BESTEST SEASON EVUR THE 2004 UNDEFETED SEC CHAMPION AWBUR TIGERS;

THESE HERE ARE SOME OF

THE GREAT TRADATIONS AT AU

Tiger Walk

Boomer (in his Elvis disguise) Grand Marshal, Tigger Walk The fraturnaty houses used to walk their cows through here, called it Cow Walk then. We figure that if it was good enough for the cows, it would be good enough for the football playeres.

SAMFERD HALL PUBLIC-OUTDOOR JOHN(RESTROOM)

This tradition right here is popular to the visitors that comes through Awbarn.

They always like to stop and take a leak on our sign out in front of Samferd Hall.

This tradition became such a big part of Awbarn-to the vesitors, that we named it, "Samferd Hall public John."

LEAVING JERDON-HARE DURING THE 3RD QUARTER

This is our greatest tradation. We likes to leave during the third quarter when we are losing, and that's most of the time.

Momma say it looks like one enormous, silent pumpkin patch

By the end of most games, only the vistors team fans are left in "The Jungle". But we don't lets them stay too long, we get out the water hoses, and spray them down.

Them Georgia fans know that. They didn't stick around last time when they beat us on the last play of the game!

The last time USC was here, we were getting our butt kicked so bad, the band left at half time.

BEST FANS IN LEE COUNTY

We have the best fans in Lee county. Our fans may not be the smartest, but spelling ain't realy importamt - though everybody knows it's not "ABUURN, it's, ABAARN"

TOUCHDOWN HELMET STECKERS

Coach Tubby made it official that this year the Aubern Players will receve a sticker for every touchdown they score on their helmet.

...Mama say it's best if they don't order any stickers cas they ain't gonna be many touchdowns scored this foortball season.

BEING RECOGNIZED AS THE GAYEST COLLEGE TOWN IN AMERICA EVERY YEAR BY GAY TIMES MAGAZINE!

Every year, Gay Times magazine picks us as the number 1 gay college town in America! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT BAMMER? WE ARE NUMBER 1!

BODY PAINTING IN LAKE BARFIELD

B'4 each home game, our students reely enjoy body painting. THis here is a damn fun trudition. We like goin down to Lake Barfield, taking off our close, jumping in and letting the orange-polluted water sink into our skin and turn it orange for the game.

Sometimes, we don't have to go back fer weeks cas the color lasts on our skin for weeks. Hell, one ole' boy jumped in when he was a freshman, and 10 years later, now he's a sophomore and him still colored orange!

RANKING HIGH ACADEMICLLY ANDE GIVING OUT FREEE CLASS CREDITS FOR LITTLE OR NO WORK AT ALL!

This is another great tradition at Awbarn. We relize we don't have the brightest and smarttest students, but our football team always manages to score very high in academics-(Especially for our illiterate one's with lerning dissabilites, Junyor Rossgreen, Kenne Iron, Cadillac for just a few to name).

Proffessorr Pettee(one of the greatest professors at Awbarn in Awbarn history), always strives to do his best to get our players smart.

One of our most intellegent players is our former cadillac and current pinto...

...Mama say that we've done had so many players get free class credits, that we had to make bumper stickers for our junkyard vehicles to keep up with everyone.

...Mama say even the AU gas stashuns participate in this great tradition!

This here is an example of our fine sociology department courtesy of a graduate who makes these shirts here at JM Bookstore now:

JAMEZ GUNDLACH

This here is Profesore James Gundlach(one of the not so greatest professors at Awbarn in Awbarn history).

He seems to have a problem with other proffessors, giving out free class credits for nuthin.

I don't know why him have a probblem with that for, but who knows why? Maybe his end of the cow wasn't so meaty.

...Mama say she don't know why he has a problem with other profesers giving out free class credits either, cas if they didn't, then nun of our players would EVER gradumuate, and they definitely wouldn't be eligible to play footbawl. They'd end up bein 10 year freshmens, and that's the years 90% of our students drop out.

AWBARN HOMECOMING...

Every year here at Awbarn on homecoming, we always has a big shindig to go along with it! Just take a look below at all the funz and excitemens we have on homecoming! WHORE EAGLE!

And Lenny the librarian posin for a pic:

OUR NEWEST TRADITION...

THere's a new tradishun here in the AU Trailerpark.

Last football season, our favorite cow here in the trailer park, "Angus" died in Joran-Haar.

A group of AU geniouses decided to launch Angus from a cannon and watch him fly around the field like one of our other mascots, "Tiger the Egle" does.

Let's just say it didn't go as planned. So now we gots two slogans, "WAR EAGLE" and "WAR ANGUS."

We wants to carry on the tradition of our eagle and our favorete cow since the Alabammer fans can carry on the tradition of a coach. Besides, everyone knows our cows rank higher in the history books then a coach-sspecially one of our coaches.

PRIDE PARADE

Our "Pride Parade" is always sucessful and is now bigger than "Tiger Walk"

Coach Tator Tot Bowden, the greatest coach ever at Albarn, was the Masters of Cemmemoneys.

AWBARN SUPPLYERS

Abun football just signed a new 10 year deal with Udder Armor, so it looks like they gonna be sticking around to support us for a while!

AWBARN'S TRADITIONAL CO-MVPEE'S

These here are our co-mvp's of every home game.

We have a history of opponents coming into the jungle and going against our football players, fans, and the refs. The refs always do a better job than everyone else. They win the games for us.

They've played a huge roll in the LSU games the past 2 times LSU viseted the Jungle.

I don't know why the ref's in other stadiums not play the opposing teams like us, but I guess it's just an Awbarn thang. Yall wouldn't understannd.

TIGER, OUR LATE MASCOT

Tiger, our mascot, won't be flying this year.

Everybody says Tiger got sick with the West Neals, but Uncle Joey has a stuffed eagle on top of his refrigerator that looks just like Ole Tiger.

Uncle Joey says Tiger's beak makes a great beer can opener.

"ROBERT BAKER" Pharmacy Scholarship

BOMMER AT TOOMER'S

This is Boomer... out of his Elvis disguise. He only wears it when he's working at Toomer Corner and doing the Tigger Walk Boomer got the scholarship named after one of our best known football players and drug dealer, Robert Baker. At least, Baker was the best known football player around Toomer's on Saturday night after we losted a football game. Sis said that you can't get the real good stuff since Robert went to the big house.

ROLLING TOOMER'S CORNER!

At Alburn, we have a best damn tradtions in Lee County. When we win a football game, we go out and steal toliet paper from all the gas stations and mini-marts in Arburn and Opeklicker. Then we thorw it up in the trees at Toomer Corner.

It is the greatest football tradtion in the Aubarn. A lot biger than a lot of high school around here have.

We had rather throw toliet paper in trees than win a national championship.

This is Ron and his brother, Mark.

They go down at Toomer early Sunday morning and wraps the paper back on the roll. Then they sell it at the trailer park.

They said that they won't get enough toliet paper to wipe a goat's ass this year.

Mamma says if anyone knows about a goat's ass, it's Mark and Ron.

AU Homecomming Parade

This here is us getting ready for the AU homecoming parade arond the campus. Me and my friend George washed the tractor and did the tires too. That's me driving the tractor and Ericia on the fender.

Homecomming Queens at Wire Road Truck Stop

Carrie and Cynthia works with Moma at the truck stop on weekends and after football games. Moma is training them and says they are doing real good cause all the bands guys wants the AU Homecoming Queens.

Moma says that she is trying to get all the cheerleader here too, including Lanny and Steve, cause not all AU guys likes just girls. Moma says that's another Auuburn tradation.

AU FORE PLAY... "Get in the back of the truck, Sis"

Bradrick and Cindy still carry on this great and longtime Aubarn Tradtion. Cindy told me that Bradrick couldn't get it up anymore unless they get in the truckbed. She said it was o.k. in the truck bed when she was in the fifth grade but she ain't in the fifth grade anymore and wants to do it in the trailer now.

BOOZING IT UP AT TOOMER'S CORNER ...

ANOTHER GREAT AU TRADTION

This is my sisters, Stacy and Tracy, doing their favoright Audurn tradtion.

When we lose a football game, they gets some ludes from Boomer and a couple six-packs and go down to Toomers and get a big buzz.

Momma says that they'll have to join Alcoholick Annoyamus by the end of this football season.

...And Our Biggest

... and bestest tradtion

in the state of Alabama!!!

WE'RE NUMBER 2!!!

'Nough Said...

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AU Trailer Park's Graduates and Drop-outs (also known as "Would you like fries with that order?")

A bunch of Aubrn students stayed here in the trailer park after graduation... parked there trailers right here and took off the Firestones.

Most didn't graduate and but they stayed here too. This web page is dedicated to all those that went to Alburn University.

Sekcusn Rubua

MA, Executive Management

Magnimum Cum Lowder

AU, Class of ..99

Current Job: Buscuit Maker - McDonalds

Foreign Exchange Student

Sekcusn says, "I hope be gets the night manajar job here so I be use all the learnings that I get from Aubur Univecity"

Ron Jon & Steve Turnipbaker

AU Department of Engineering

Pulpwooder Division

The Turnipbaker boys have been working on their pulpwood engineering degree for 7 years now. They said if they go full time and summer school and pass all their course, that they can get their degree in only 3 more years

PULPWOOD TRUCK 4 SALE!

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PULPWOOD TRUCK 4 SALE!

Need $ for beer.

Cheap, cheap, cheap

Great for pickin' up cheerleaders

and driving in trailer parks!

Just come see us at AU Trailer Park!

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Wheeler Brothers

BS, Automotive Repair and Paint

Stayed in class almost 1 week

Founders of

15 Minute Paint Job

Opened Auburn's first 15 Minute Paint Job shop. Still have some kinks in the 15 minutes.

Wendy Wheeler

Graduate, Industurial Sanitation

Bus Washer

Lee County Public School

Wendy is the washer for Lee county bus wash in charge of getting the tobacco stains off the floor and side of buses.

She said she is glad she only has to do the elementary school buses, cause the high school buses are a real bitch.

Darell Morrow

Automotive Bondo Repair

Quit AU after 8 years and 5 quarter hours

Business:

"Hubcap Emporium"

Darell built his business from one hub cap found on I-85 while on "Road Pick-up" duty during his brief stay in Lee County Jail for writing bad checks to his mother.

Adams Family Brothers

Ceramic Recycling Engineer's Degree

Quit AU to open there own business: "Discount Used Commode Barn"

Vance Higginbottom

(Double major)

BS, Nuclear Engineering

Fishery

Class of '92

Hobby: Fishing on Lake Martin with nuclear powered probes.

John "The Enforcer" Waterberry

Animal Husbandry Investigation

Dropped out after 8 years

John spends most of his time investigating "Date Rape" drug cases in Lanny's cow pasture.

Granny Heather (Darell's mama)

Professor at large

Interstate Recycle Management

Enjoys picking up hubcaps on the side of the I-85 and using to decorate her yard and side of her trailer. Also sells hubcaps at at football and basketball games.

Jay-Cussie in your Truck

Colonel Dick's Brother, Wheeler

Dropped out of AU after 15 minutes over 39 years ago

Opened Jay-cussie In Your Truck Company right here in the trailer park

Can install a jay-cussie in your truck bed for $9.95 at your trailer or his.

Wheeler is also a guest speacker and honorary grad at Albran University.

He lectures on Mobile Home Restroration

Author of alot of paperback books, including:

"Decorating Your Mobile Home for $5 a Week",

"Decoration Tips using Crushed Beer Cans",

"Rebuilding your mobile home after the Tornado", and

"Auburn's Finer Mobile Homes and Bar Tour"

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COACH TUBBY

TUBBY'S CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHIES

Here's Coach Tubby holding all the national championship trophies that he has won!

I sure do wish that they would give out Pre-Season #1 Trophy from when we was preseason ranked numero 1 back in 2003.

Don't matter, we got Pre-Season #1 rings for all the players!

We did win our first evur SEC Championship game in Atlanata back in 2004, and Tubby was our coach then-WE ARE THE 2004 UNDEFETED/IRRELEVENT/OVERRATED SEC CHAMPIONS!--"nuff said.

HOW NOT TO STUMP-BREAK A COW!

Tubby ain't quite got it right on how to stump-break a cow yet, but he is trying! He's got a lot to learn!

And if he is not careful, he will learn more than he wants to know about!

BONDING IN BARNVILLE...

Coach Tubby and Tommy sharing some very special moments at the coaches lounge on Lake Barfield.

When coach Dye joins in, Pat tells them about the last SEC championship that Aubarn won back in '89.

7-11 MADNESS...

Tubby moonlights at the 7-11. He says he is training for his next job.

If he don't win this year, he'll have to go to Montgomery just to gets a job in a 7-11, cause nobody will hire him in Lee County.

COPS IN ALBURN

We had to evict ex-Coach Dye out of his trailer.

Coach Tubberfield wants to make it "The Tommy Tubberfield Mumseum". Tommy said if "Bear" has one that he should have one too.

TUBBIE LISTENS...

Coach Lowder giving Tuber instuctions before the game

Coach Tubby blames Coach Lowder play-calling for the USC lose...

COACH JIM BOB RAINES - THE OZMOZE YELLOW TAG BOY

Jimmy Bob Raines really enjoys calling plays while Tubby is not watching him

Coach Tubby blames the plays that Jimmy Bob called at Georgia Tech for the lose of that game ...

Wonder who Coach Tubby can blame for our next lose?

COACH TUBBY'S NEW SUN

This is Tubofshit's newest son. As you can see, he's already gots the Awburn cheer down pat. He ain't gots a name yet. Tubby says he wants to name him after one of our mascots, and he hasn't decided which one he wants to name him after... Looks like Tubby's not gonna have one picked anytime soon.

COACH TUBBY CHEERS

Tubby gives the "mooooooooo" cheer when a player does good.

But Tommy usually gives more "BOOOOOOOOO" than "MOOOOOOOOOOO" cheers

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AU C0ACH TERRY BOWDEN

Coach Bowden was the greatest coach ever at Albunr.

He won 21 straight times and beat Bama every year in "The Jungle", well, not ever year, but he still managed to gain success

in a totally different mannor than tubby did.

And Coach Brother never beat Bama in "The Jungle" either...

We didn't have the Jungle when Coach Pat was here, so he ain't never beat Bama in "The Jungle"

Coach Tot is laughing at Alburn now, he mentioned abowt the tubby's first couple of seasons sayin,

"Even I can score a TouchDown in two games"

Sure wish Coach Tater Tot was here now!

And Coach Terry was here, he kicked Tubber's butt every year!

1995 - Ole Miss 13 Auburn 46

1996 - Ole Miss 28 Auburn 45

1997 - Ole Miss 9 Auburn 19

1998 - Ole Miss 0 Auburn 17

COACH TERRY LEAVING AU TRAILER PARK

I remember the day Coach Terry got shitted canned at AU.

He learned he could make $175,000 a year and not have to coach another day in Allburn!

I heard him tell his moma, "Take the tires off the roof, put 'em back on the trailer. Hitch up the Merc, cause our are butts are

out of this cow-town!"

My little sister, Lowder with Coach Terry signing his "Get-out-of-Aubun" papers.

Lowder said she could not beleive how much Albarn gave Terry to get his butt out of town.

She told moma that Coach Terry is short and not too big round.

Mama says that she has had a bunch of guys like that in Arburn, and Lower will find out all about those things by the time she gets to the sixth grade.

MOVING COACH TERRY'S TRAILER BACK TO ALBARN

Hell, Albunr University made Coach Tater bring the trailer back.

We brought it back and Coach Terry got $275,000 for improvements on the double-wide. Coach Terry laughed his ass all the way to the bank...

Coach Terry ask me to help him move his trailer back to Albarn.

He knew that I had a lot of experience hitching up trailer and Granny could drive the tractor.

COACH BROTHER LEAVING!

All I asked Coach Brother was, "Did you get your trailer when you were fired?". I gots the finger.

I found out later that Coach Tubber put a lock on the hitch and a guard ther so Brother Oliver couldn't move his trailer. He really got pissed.

I don't know why anybody wanted that trailer. It was a piece of shit. Not as nice as those in our trailer park.

Chris, staadium guard, and

Coach Brother's "piece-of-shit" Trailer

Chris, the statum guard, told Brother, "You can't have yor office trailer. You only coached 3 games anyway and Bamer beat your ass in our cow pasture."

"Beside, Coach Tubber said if I saw you to tell you t0 get ya ass out of here."

Coaches at the AU Executive Suites

Coach Terry says good-bye to Coach Tubby.

Coach Terry said the only advice that he gave Tubby was not to put anything in Mr. Lowder's Bank or in Mr. Lowder's daughter.

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AU cherleaders...

LANNY

Lanny is working on his Farm Animal Gynecology degree. He's into "stump-breaking" cows for the AU frat houses. He said when he stump broke'em they stayed stump broke, no kicking, no pulling away, just safe sex. Lanny says he is proud to say that every Greek house at Albarn has at least one of his cow. Lanny says that we should nick-name the stadiuum "The Cow Pasture" causes that's where his cows grazes.

BRIDGET

Bridget is one of the cheerleaders that lives here in the trailer park. Here she is showing of her favorite cheers, "Giv'me 12, giv'me 12, giv'me all you got". She said she wishes for a twevle-boner but all she gets around this campus is 3 or 4 inches at a wack.

STEVE, AU Trailer Park Cowboy

Steve is with the "Aburn Cow Jumper Commandos". I don't know what the commandos do but Lanny told them to stay away from his cows Steve has been on "Cops in Arburn" 3 times and on Jerry Springer's espisodes of "Date Night in Awbarn, My Favorite Cow".

TINA and MICKEY

Tina gets real mad when Auburm loses. She don't look it, but last year she beat up a bunch of Alburn football players during the Gorgia Tech game. They had to duct tape her to the fence the last quarter of the game. She said that was o.k. and she really enjoyed it cause Mickey ties her down with duct tape in the truck bed all the time.

JONNIE

This is my cousin Jonnie. He's an Auburnn cheerleader and the AU librarian. AU library burnt down last month. Fortunately, Jonnie was able to save his prize beer can collection. Unfortunately, all 10 books in our library were burnt up.

So if you have any comic books or "Outdoor Sportsmen" magizines that you don'ts need, just send them to:

AU Library

c/o AUTrailerPark.com

231 Mell Street

Auburn University, AL 36849-5606

...And more about AU Pep-Rally People...

TIGERETTES

Tigerettes try-out in our new covered facility near the Wire Road Truck Stop is alway a fun event.

ARBY and CYNTHIA, 2006 Hoomecoming Queen

Cynthia was Homecoming Queen last year. That's when she met Arby. Now Cynthia has Arby over every night, sometimes he comes back two or three times a night. She don't know it but the band boys just change into the Arby outfit behind the trailer and goes back in. Even Cynthia said it was like having a different tiger in her tank everytime Arby visits. Colonel Dick puts on his Arby outfit and visits Cynthia everytime he watches "Deliverence". Squelling Cynthia's double wide!

DONNA

Donna is a subsitute teacher at the AU School of Ballet, Cheerleading and Line Dancing. Colonel Dick said he dated Donna when she was in the sixth grade and said she was a hot little number then... but not balloned up like now...

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Who I'd like to meet:
SHUG... Mama say him was our Bear Bryant and Robert Neyland...., Coach Tubby, Faggillac and the rest of our former brokedown pintos...., Coach Tator(AU's greatest coach ever), Fat Al Borges, Will "Retarted" Mushroom(our d'fenseve cordantor.) cas him act like he's menally challenged on the sidelines, And all the distant cusins and relatives taht are Awrben fans.

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Mike the Tiger