Bryan Callen

General Info

Bio

Born on January 26 in New York. He attended American University (History major thank you very much) before pursuing his comedy career. After trying his hand at stand-up, Callen made his TV debut as a series regular on Mad TV, which also served as his breakthrough. (I think bios are cheesy) Like anyone cares when I had my "breakthrough". Yeah after MADTV I went on to do OZ, INSIDE SCHWARTZ, 7th HEAVEN, FAT ACTRESS and countless other sitcoms and episodic crap. Impressed yet? Yeah like the world would be different if I was hit by a truck tomorrow. LA is way to self involved and for that matter so is everyone now adays. People need to open a newspaper and a history book once in a while or every day to get some perspective. That’s my bio. I’ll keep you posted on when my next show comes. Everytime I book a new TV show the first thing I think of is, hmmm now I get to eat out a lot, buy cool stuff and date hot girls. Is that bad? I’m shallow as hell but at least I’m trying to swim to the deep end. PS I just watched some of my old episodes of MAD TV and I find my high voice and 150 lb frame embarrassing. At least I’m 25 lbs heavier and I’ve taken some voice lessons. Now all I need is a hair transplant (I want that long black Johnny Depp hair please) and a little human growth hormone. (makes the skin healthier and puts on about 20lbs of muscle).

Harry and I had a fiery romance for many years. I can’t really talk about it. I produce estrogen every time I think of those strong arms hoisting me in the air. My own personal Brokebackmountain. Sigh.

Photos

Latest Blog Entries

Jul 10, 2007 8:36 PM All Relationships Start with a Lie
Aug 29, 2006 6:34 PM Comedy Benefit at Comic Strip Live in NYC Wed, Aug 30
Dec 27, 2005 7:41 AM Suping up your 1983 honda civic?
Dec 22, 2005 9:37 PM global warming

Friends (4)

Music

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Blurbs

About me:

General

Sky surfing,eagles, delta force work (terrorist liquidation) posing down, eating tropical fruit, lubing up, light wresting, hauling sand, wrangling cattle and pit fighting. I also enjoy the way fur feels on my naked skin and playing with guns.

Music

Latin hyms, female voice screaming my name in the privacy of my bedroom, the wailing of my enemies when they realize that all they once cherished and lived for now belongs to me! Holla back girl.

Movies

Raging bull, taxi driver, empire of the sun, king of new york, and of course the deer hunter. Anyone who doesn't have that on their list is in a state of ignorance and needs to go rent them immediately. I also enjoy the many home exercise movies i make on my spare time. They mostly star me and only me.

Television

NOTHING I'VE EVER DONE.

Books

Anything faulkner has ever written. (not that i understand a word but the guy can write nonetheless) anything jospeph campbell has ever written. Anything ayn rand has ever written (even though she's got to be taken with a grain of salt) summerset maum's the razors edge and the moon and six pence. Cold mountain, snow falling on cedars, memoirs of a geisha, and plato's dialogues - but only if you're interested in the truth at all.

Heros

Springsteen of course. Bono cause he can't stop at being an awesome rock star no he's got to go help millions of people suffering from aids too. And for that matter my mom and dad (awe i'm sweet) plus, anyone who turns original thought into action provided that action is to help or change the world.

Who I'd like to meet:

The LEAD SINGER of Creed so I could throw him in a flying head lock. Angelinas LITTLE MOHAWK BABY because I have a sneaky suspicion the kid isn't real. I think if you twist his head it would come off and he's really just a high tech jelly bean holder.

I'd like to meet MYSELF 10 years ago so I could sock me in the gut and while I was recuperating I would tell me to stop walking around like I'm 6 foot 4 and 240 lbs cause in reality I look like a skinny accountant with a sunken chest and short legs. I hate cocky people. Me included.

Finally, the number one person I'd like to meet is CAMERON DIAZ in a hostage situation where we'd be hiding in some cozy room waiting for the SWAT team to show up. I'd tell her to relax cause I was trained for this kind of thing. she's ask me what I meant. I would then say, well I did some special forces work in Iraq but now that I'm back from the war I work for children. She'd say my God that's so brave! But you're also so sensitive. yeah, I'd say well hurting people is easy it's healing and saving that's hard. suddenly she'd coo and fall into me hungry to drink from my wine red mouth. I would push her away after about 10 seconds and tell her to sit tight cause I got work to do. At which point I'd pull out my Berritta 380 and POP all three hostages faster than she could flinch from the explosing my bullets made. Then through a cloud of smoke I'd come back into the room and say, "now where were we?"

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