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Bryan Callen
"Scare Yourself"

Male
41 years old
CALIFORNIA
United States



Last Login:8/20/2008
View My: Pics | Videos

   Contacting Bryan Callen

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  http://www.myspace.com/bryancallen  

   Bryan Callen's Comedian Bio
Bio
Born on January 26 in New York. He attended American University (History major thank you very much) before pursuing his comedy career. After trying his hand at stand-up, Callen made his TV debut as a series regular on Mad TV, which also served as his breakthrough. (I think bios are cheesy) Like anyone cares when I had my "breakthrough". Yeah after MADTV I went on to do OZ, INSIDE SCHWARTZ, 7th HEAVEN, FAT ACTRESS and countless other sitcoms and episodic crap. Impressed yet? Yeah like the world would be different if I was hit by a truck tomorrow. LA is way to self involved and for that matter so is everyone now adays. People need to open a newspaper and a history book once in a while or every day to get some perspective. That’s my bio. I’ll keep you posted on when my next show comes. Everytime I book a new TV show the first thing I think of is, hmmm now I get to eat out a lot, buy cool stuff and date hot girls. Is that bad? I’m shallow as hell but at least I’m trying to swim to the deep end. PS I just watched some of my old episodes of MAD TV and I find my high voice and 150 lb frame embarrassing. At least I’m 25 lbs heavier and I’ve taken some voice lessons. Now all I need is a hair transplant (I want that long black Johnny Depp hair please) and a little human growth hormone. (makes the skin healthier and puts on about 20lbs of muscle).


Harry and I had a fiery romance for many years. I can’t really talk about it. I produce estrogen every time I think of those strong arms hoisting me in the air. My own personal Brokebackmountain. Sigh.


    Bryan Callen's Interests
General

Now I prefer to keep my hair a little browner and thinner. Long hair makes me feel like a chick.


Kirsty hates me. Even fat...that chick is hot, I say. Too bad nobody watched the show.



This is me before I did some special forces work. Keeping America safe. You're welcome.




     Bryan Callen's Details
Status:Single
Zodiac Sign:Aquarius


Bryan Callen's Clips [View All Clips]
Clips: 1 Total Plays: 1518 Plays Today: 1
 

Bryan Callen's Latest Blog Entry  [Subscribe to this Blog]

All Relationships Start with a Lie  (view more)

Comedy Benefit at Comic Strip Live in NYC Wed, Aug 30  (view more)

Suping up your 1983 honda civic?  (view more)

global warming  (view more)

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   Bryan Callen's Blurbs
About me:

General

Sky surfing,eagles, delta force work (terrorist liquidation) posing down, eating tropical fruit, lubing up, light wresting, hauling sand, wrangling cattle and pit fighting. I also enjoy the way fur feels on my naked skin and playing with guns.

Music

Latin hyms, female voice screaming my name in the privacy of my bedroom, the wailing of my enemies when they realize that all they once cherished and lived for now belongs to me! Holla back girl.

Movies

Raging bull, taxi driver, empire of the sun, king of new york, and of course the deer hunter. Anyone who doesn't have that on their list is in a state of ignorance and needs to go rent them immediately. I also enjoy the many home exercise movies i make on my spare time. They mostly star me and only me.

Television

NOTHING I'VE EVER DONE.

Books

Anything faulkner has ever written. (not that i understand a word but the guy can write nonetheless) anything jospeph campbell has ever written. Anything ayn rand has ever written (even though she's got to be taken with a grain of salt) summerset maum's the razors edge and the moon and six pence. Cold mountain, snow falling on cedars, memoirs of a geisha, and plato's dialogues - but only if you're interested in the truth at all.

Heros

Springsteen of course. Bono cause he can't stop at being an awesome rock star no he's got to go help millions of people suffering from aids too. And for that matter my mom and dad (awe i'm sweet) plus, anyone who turns original thought into action provided that action is to help or change the world.

Who I'd like to meet:

The LEAD SINGER of Creed so I could throw him in a flying head lock. Angelinas LITTLE MOHAWK BABY because I have a sneaky suspicion the kid isn't real. I think if you twist his head it would come off and he's really just a high tech jelly bean holder.

I'd like to meet MYSELF 10 years ago so I could sock me in the gut and while I was recuperating I would tell me to stop walking around like I'm 6 foot 4 and 240 lbs cause in reality I look like a skinny accountant with a sunken chest and short legs. I hate cocky people. Me included.

Finally, the number one person I'd like to meet is CAMERON DIAZ in a hostage situation where we'd be hiding in some cozy room waiting for the SWAT team to show up. I'd tell her to relax cause I was trained for this kind of thing. she's ask me what I meant. I would then say, well I did some special forces work in Iraq but now that I'm back from the war I work for children. She'd say my God that's so brave! But you're also so sensitive. yeah, I'd say well hurting people is easy it's healing and saving that's hard. suddenly she'd coo and fall into me hungry to drink from my wine red mouth. I would push her away after about 10 seconds and tell her to sit tight cause I got work to do. At which point I'd pull out my Berritta 380 and POP all three hostages faster than she could flinch from the explosing my bullets made. Then through a cloud of smoke I'd come back into the room and say, "now where were we?"

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www.johnmichaelcase.com

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www.stevebyrnelive.com

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Bryan Callen's Friends Comments
Displaying 44 of 670 comments  ( View All | Add Comment )
MO COLLINS





Jun 2 2008 3:36 AM

Your page is full of lies!

All the lies on this page wouldn't even fit into my POCKETS and my pockets are HUGE cuz my clothing houses HUGE cool things like my LEGS! and stuff.........
Will Sasso


Is Online


May 28 2008 2:47 AM

pictured below is how I will appear to you before you are jettisoned from this plane of existence...

hfdd..
Chris Williams





Feb 13 2008 7:09 PM

Good seeing you yesterday...and GREAT friggin' story....much luck and success!

later

C
Mike Von





Jan 20 2008 2:11 AM

Great working with you this weekend! Fun shows!!
juicy♥lucy





Dec 18 2007 11:36 PM

Whaets upq? I fousnd this websNite and thought i'kd tell everyolne, it shows you if anyone at schDool likes youz... I don't knQow how it works but its realbly cool, its reIvealed a few peoXple who have had cr6ushes on me FOREIVER, i called them up and it was actuially truef! You got7ta try itG!

Click Here to try it out
Leslie Durso





Dec 3 2007 8:31 PM

You through down and were hilarious last night at the tribute!! Thank you!
Jenna Lee





Dec 3 2007 9:16 AM

Fantastic show tonight Bryan!
:)
Peace & Love, Jenna
stevie d.





Dec 2 2007 7:41 PM

hey buddy, dvd's finally coming out! ready to "ROC'?
..Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket">
Rob Delaney





Sep 27 2007 4:25 PM

Hey Bryan! Y'know in 16th century England, guys like us who were friends could have written long poems to each other and it wouldn't have even been gay, as that was the fashion then.
Jordan Zuckerman





Aug 13 2007 8:21 PM

caught your set at the comedy store last wednesday, "Phenomenal".
Michael





Jul 23 2007 11:49 PM

You're the only MAN that shows up to my White Trash BBQ with Not just One BUT TWO bottles of expensive red wine. But then again - You're not trash - You're a class act. Great having, B.
HONESTY EXTREME





Jul 18 2007 6:09 PM

FANTASTIC set last night at the Irvine Improv. I didn't know you were going to be there, but it was a great surprise. I was there for my buddy Sam Trip. Good old school stuff combined with new stuff. Keep me in the loop so I can come support you. God bless and continued success!
DON CORLEONE
WENDELICIOUS





Jul 16 2007 1:49 PM

oh i forgot to mention... "GREAT SHOW" out here in Atlantic City. You must've had Satin himself by your side lol..... cause you rocked the house!!!!! Can't wait till you come back!!!
Joanna





Jul 9 2007 12:01 AM

Bryan and Me last August on set of "I Do and I Don't"

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot with Canon PowerShot A400 at 2007-07-08
Michael





Jul 8 2007 9:10 PM

Listen to me! You been MIA to long. You've been demoted in the MAN club! And wikipedia is moving you under homosapian.
Stephanie





Jun 29 2007 5:38 PM

I knew those squirrels were up to something around here...
Have a great weekend, Bryan....you sexy bitch!
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Erin





Jun 27 2007 8:00 PM

Thanks for the add...Stunner! XOXO from Chicago.
Gipsy





Jun 24 2007 5:09 PM

so i'm beginning to notice...that you always reply to my comments, but you never post them.....why are you keeping me a secret? Why don't you want to share me with your other myspace friends? Are you ashamed of me? Or,....OMG.....are you married!!!

heehee - morning glory! Hope your day's going good.
Matt The Hut





Jun 10 2007 3:59 PM

Hello!
Me and my sister are on a roadtrip across the US and were in LA on tuesday and happened to end up at "The Comedy Store".
We didnt know what to expect since we didnt have a clue who was performing. We laughed at Bobby Lee and Chris Rock and then you came on the stage.
Jayyysis! I havent laughed so I cried in many, many years. And we just wanted to tell you that we loved your show, it was truly amazing, and that we are actually re-telling your jokes to each other several times a day and that always cracks us up!

I've even taken pictures in the moojave desert doing your "get-the-girls"-BLAM-pose hahaha!

You can also check out our travel-blog at www.malre.blogspot.com

Take it sleazy!
/Matt
Jennifer Blanc





Jun 10 2007 2:49 PM

michael and i had such fun.you are a huge talent!!!!!!!!
Kristi





May 4 2007 2:36 AM

Hey saw you on one of your shows the other day and realized I never added you or sent you the pics from when you were in Tampa and we all went to Channelside for that matter...did Ben ever send them to you? If not and you want them I can. I had a blast that night - you should come back so we can all go out again! Hope you're doing well...
Nick Swardson





May 1 2007 6:05 AM

Why am I not in your top 24 and Mike's fucking dog is? Your mouth will be filled with farts when I see you, fag!
Jennifer Blanc





Apr 18 2007 5:09 PM

xo